Ok folks. Looks like the D train is on its way down the tracks I'm tied to. Anyone got a knife they can cut me free with? Any and all suggestions would be appreciated. I want to be with my wife more than I'm scared of being divorced. I want her because she's awesome not because I can't have her!
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
We can give you the knife but ultimately you've got to cut yourself free.
The thing you'll find is that even if the D train hits, if you've put the work into yourself then you'll still be standing strong while the train is just wreckage.
Imagine yourself Hollywood slow motion walking away from that with barely a hair out of place while it explodes in the background. Those guys get any girl they want and that could well be your wife - you'd just need to marry her again.
I may have taken this metaphor too far....
Last edited by jim0987; 11/11/1408:09 PM.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
We can give you the knife but ultimately you've got to cut yourself free.
Now I like that! Stick around Jim, we may just want to keep you!
Quote:
The thing you'll find is that even if the D train hits, if you've put the work into yourself then you'll still be standing strong while the train is just wreckage.
Imagine yourself Hollywood slow motion walking away from that with barely a hair out of place while it explodes in the background. Those guys get any girl they want and that could well be your wife - you'd just need to marry her again.
I may have taken this metaphor too far....
Speaking for myself only, I like metaphors.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Not really. Cried on the way home from training. Seriously, if you looked at me on the street & were a criminal, you would never want to cross me. But I had tears rolling down my face while driving. So I went for a long run in the dark in 40' windy weather. Spoke to her on the phone briefly but D wasn't mentioned. Very short & wrapped her up with a take care. She did mention that I'm quite the runner now. Some good memories were had buy us running together, she could talk freely cause I was out of breath. And I was happy to listen to her talk. I remember 1 time I hurt my ankle and went back to the car. So to inspire her, I drove the car beside her while playing " go the distance" from Hercules soundtrack. Cheesy loser huh. Just goes to show how awful I was all the time. Wish she would let herself remember just a few of those times.
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
I don't know if this will help but I went through a little exercise a few days ago that really helped me get the focus on me (that and the really good advice I've been getting).
Its 5 questions in turn.
1) list 20 things you like about yourself (you're not allowed to include anything that depends on external validation or that's only temporary). Don't move on til you get to twenty.
2) list things you don't like - but stop after 5 minutes then no more.
3) look at the two lists and right a new list - what would you like the list of 20 things you like about yourself to be (same rules as Q1)
4) list what needs to change to get there
5) come up with a list of small actions you can take consistently each day, starting today, to make progress on the changes listed at 4.
It might not help, but to me it felt like taking back a bit more control rather than thrashing helplessly trying to control my situation (or my W). If I can make my answer to Q1 the same as my answer to Q3 then I have no doubt I will have a good and fulfilling life.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
things i like about me: esp/including the changes i've made punctual dependable loving great Dad great kisser can start to see my abs loyal honest good listener forgiving quick wit pretty eyes keep my wits about when sh*t hits the fan smart
don't want to list the negatives as i'll focus on them. any vets out there? the clock is coming up close to midnight. any suggestions? i did speak to W today and asked her to leave car seat at daycare so i can pick up D tomorrow. she wanted to bring them to me but i'm leaning towards not wanting to see her. i haven't seen her since sun. i do know that once again she got a babysitter to watch the kids so she could go to a party. S told me on the phone last night when i asked why he called from the home phone and not her cell phone. i know she was talking to me with no emotion at all today. this fcking sux!!! so should i see her tomorrow or not?
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
oh and i've learned so much about relationships through my reading that i desperately want an opportunity to use with my W. any WAW out there-can you tell me if its a concious choice to forget the good times or has she honestly stricken it from her memory? i just can believe that she has herself convinced that 15+ years were all crap and just gone from her memory like a fart in the wind.
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
