I'm glad he finally sent the package of material that he promised you. When you have a moment, send him a text that lets him know you received the package and end it w/thanks. You are not obligated to tell him how things are going w/you or your job. If you don't follow thru and let him know about the package, I'm sure he'll be texting you about it, so cut him off at the pass and then you won't have to be anxious if he contacts you again.
I still think he's fishing and he's very surprised that you up and relocated and have a good job. As I've pointed out before, they expect us to be right where they left us when they were beamed up on the Mother Ship.
Happy Halloween!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Smokey: So-and-so is going to list the house. He's sending you the paperwork. Please sign and return to him. We'll get it on the market ASAP. Could really use the drawers to the vanity.
I responded: That's great. Our daughters were tired from packing and threw the drawers in the moving van. I will mail them.
No response. I figured I'd give him an explanation about the drawers--not that he deserves it. Seemed appropriate. I figured he'd respond and I'd say thanks about the paperwork being mailed.
I'm leaving it be for now. I need to focus on work.
Got into an argument with D20 this morning. She was complaining about her dishwashing job and wanting to go back to school and so forth. I put the responsibility, squarely, in her lap. She asked my opinion and I told her, "I think you have some issues to sort out before you head back to school. Until you do, I think school will continue to be a problem. Once you face those issues, things will fall into place."
She got all defensive..."But, I'm not drinking!"
Me: "You asked me my opinion and I gave it. Seems like you get bogged down by the details of things and don't take action. I've been there and done that. I think you have some things to deal with."
It ended with me saying..."You're dad tried to NOT use for a long time. That didn't go so well for him. He was still an A-hole to live with. There was more to it than just removing the drugs."
I tried to make it clear that I believe she needs counseling or meetings or something, besides me, as her support. She is scared and I tried to let her know that I understood the fear, but there's nothing here she can't handle.
She wants me to DO it for HER. Much like Smokey. Just do it for me. Not taking that bullet anymore.
Anyway...She blew. I didn't, but felt a little sick after. And, that's when I saw the text from Smokey.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, Your daughter needs to address her issues and deal w/them. I think you did the right thing by responding honestly to her. She needs to be seeing someone and yes, AA is where she needs to be going right now. There are plenty of AA meetings around and there's no reason that she can't locate a meeting near her home.
She's 20 years old and needs to learn to how to deal w/responsibility and stop leaning on mom to fix everything for her and I think you are beginning to realize you can't fix her...she's got to fix herself. Going back to school would be too much of a hurdle for her right now and just think of the money that would be wasted on another year of incompletes, etc. Has she begun to repay the $2500 she owes from last year? This might be a good place for her to start accepting responsibility, i.e., by paying her debts and not expecting her mom to do it for her. After all, you've got enough on your plate.
I know you don't want to hear this, but get those drawers in the mail or have UPS or FEDEX pick them up in the next week or so. Why? Because if you don't, he's going to continue to text you about them and I'm sure you want to have some peace and quiet and not be getting texts from him about them or give him an excuse to contact you about other things. If it would help, have your daughter pack them up for you when she's free during the day or evening.
Hang in there. I think you're doing great!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My attorney called me. I have a bad feeling that Smokey has done something else. He always gets quiet when he is busy plotting someway to hurt me.
Either that or my atty wants to talk about the fees I owe him.
In either case, it stinks.
I feel a bit low right now.
Started the day with the argument, text from Smokey, then a meeting with the publisher...went pretty well...but, there's a lot of pressure on me to make this paper go.
I will handle the drawers this weekend.
I feel a bit weepy about the sale of the house too. I know it's the best thing and Smokey could make it really difficult. IDK. Yuck.
I have stories due by 4 p.m.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Gawd, am I still waiting for him to say??..."I'm so stupid. I'm so sorry."
Every time an opportunity passes where I sorta expect it, or I feel down and...
I have a terrible fear today that he is going to ask for custody of D12. I know it's probably silly and unrealistic, but maybe all the stress has finally gotten to me.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Focus on getting your stories in and putting the paper to bed. Your attorney may have been calling about the fees as well as the fact that he's most likely been notified by your h's lawyer. Then again, it could be the paperwork for the house, so it may not be all bad. But....generally when the mlcer is nice or quiet, they either have done something that you wouldn't approve or you'll get slammed by the unexpected...but I would hold off on those negative thoughts until you've spoken to your attorney.
I'm sorry you are bit down and weepy about the house...but it's just a house and you are in a better living situation now than before. I do realize that there were many good memories made there, but the last year or so, the house expenses were starting to bring you down, not only emotionally and physically, but also financially. So, it's better to sell it and begin to create new memories in the home you are in now and remember that the next chapter of your life began the day you drove away from the old home.
Hang in there. What you are feeling is very normal.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Although your D is 20 and may feel the same way. I would try and not say these things to her about her dad. Remember…right, wrong or indifferent she is half him. Otherwise, I think your approach is spot on.
Boundaries are tough….. especially when you are not used to using them. I am so proud of you. You are starting to really realize that it is not YOUR job to fix everybody else crap. Kudos to you.
Quote:
I have a bad feeling that Smokey has done something else.
As hard as it is….try and teach yourself to STOP always ASSUMING the worse. This type of thinking will do nothing but just keep you in a negative frame of mind. Think positive…think positive.
I think MWD mentioned this in one of her books. Find something that brings you happy thought….and everytime you start to have negative thoughts…bring up the positive thoughts.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Just got into another argument with D20 and we came to blows. She hit me while I was driving, then called me a Pu$$Y, then kicked the glovebox as hard as she could...at which point I reacted.
I'm calming down in my room right now.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Dang Heather - you just can't catch a break can you? So much to handle - D with Asperger's, D20 with substance abuse and mood issues (btw, do you think she's actively drinking now? Could account for her inappropriate behavior). I admire you for getting out there and making things happen despite all of this.
As for D20 - once things calm down, perhaps you can sit her down, go over the monthly bills and finances (so she knows what you're up against right now), set some boundaries about what behavior will be tolerated in your home (and calling your mother a pu$$y isn't one of them), and map out strategies to get her where she wants to go.
You can sympathize with the fact that this whole divorce mess has interfered with her schooling (but so has her behavior). You can help her map out a savings goal for school and maybe make a chart or a vision board with her for that. You can listen quietly to her concerns.
You can also help her find some AA meetings and emphasize that she must start attending.
If she doesn't like any of this, she is free to go live with her dad or your mom or whoever.
