MLC W Dates, Part V

[kat727]

I was going to mention that with your wife's parents, it is very possible that they decided that rather than give their money to their children when they are gone they would rather see them enjoy it while they are alive.

I am not sure I like your wife much. Has she always had this feeling of entitlement? She felt that you should be rich, you can always make more...no where in there do I see her coming up with an actual solution that doesnt hurt someone else financially.

Please stay firm. If you get through this better off financially it won't be with any help from her.

kat

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Kat,

I'm not sure I like any of the LBS spouses.

But that's not the point.

A suggestion stop responding to her martyrdom comments. At least in the rescuing way. Maybe next time... "Well if you think it would help. How much could you pull in a week do you think?"

[BRNR]

kat727 - Don't they all have a sense of entitlement?!?!?!

Anyway, I agree with the sentiments of "not rescuing your wife". Unless you plan on doing that for the rest of your life whether things work out or not...I guess something for you to think about...

My two cents anyway.

[kat727]

I suppose they do. I was thinking more of money in this case. Yep, my ex kept saying that he deserved to be happy. Sure we all do. You work on yourself, not start cheating.

I now have my daughters cold. No wonder why she felt awful.

kat

[Wet]

Hi Jack, Kat and BRNR. Thanks.

Kat you have hit the nail on the head (as always). I don't think W can provide for herself. Perhaps she will surprise me and get a job, but during the 16 months of separation, so far she has not.

So yes, I don't think W will be able to keep her place without someone's help, and I am still married to her, so I may be first in line of responsibility. So I appreciate your earlier comments for me to back off and see what happens.

I'm trying...

[Wet]

Hi everyone, I spoke with W yesterday and s13 wanted to go trick or treating tonight, and she asked me to take him. I agreed and was looking forward to it. W had s13's costume from last year and she said she would have him ready when I picked him up this afternoon.

When I went to W's place today, s13 was there alone. He had no costume. W told him he was "too old to go trick or treating", instead of telling him the truth - that she couldn't find a costume. I'm disappointed, s13 wanted to go out and I wanted to go out with him. But that's all right, making chicken wings and we will watch the Cleveland vs. Bulls basketball game tonight.

I am not sure that W is really dating just one OM right now. She told me she was going to hang out with one of her female friends to hand out candy, and then hit a bar afterwards. But it does not matter to me, I am just going to enjoy a weekend with my baby boy (don't tell him I called him that, ok?) and hopefully have some laughs.

[WenikiTiki]

Hi Wet, reading your thread. Too bad about your son. And I'm sure he had fun with you.

It took me a long time to realize I was a grown adult woman and that I needed to go back to work. I never thought my X should just make more money to give me, though. Though I was protected as he was already earning a retirement, which we split.

I am a veteran and went through a program with the VA and they got me back into the work force and I am very happy about it. Though the first few months were hard. Is there a program through your state for that? (Back to work for long term stay at home moms?)

I never realized that my X really thought I should have been working all along. It was one of his unspoken things. In fact he repeatedly told me he didn't care if I worked or not. But later said how I should have been working. If only I were a mind reader!

I hope you have a nice weekend.

[Wet]

Hey thanks, WenikTiki, A lady from Hawaii writing to a guy in Minnesota? This Board is great! Great advice, but even if I found a program, how do you suggest I inform her of it?

W does not listen to anything I say, and if I offered her job counseling advice, it would be seen as an attack. Not that I wouldn't mind. I'm just hoping she learn this stuff herself on her journey. Does this make sense?

[AJM]

So.. she's irresponsible, gives conflicting information to your son and you, and feels entitled to money you have yet to earn, even though you're recuperating from major surgery?

And you wanted her back?? Or you wanted the old her back? Just so I'm clear

I am a veteran of dealing with financial stress, and for most of the years of our m, I protected W from having to deal with this kind of stuff. But now she has to deal with it on her own. I hate seeing this.

Let me ask you something. When you were married, this might have been seen as a division of labor. She takes care of the kids and the house and you take care of the finances etc. You don't worry about the family and she doesn't worry about the financial aspects. A working relationship, right?

But it seems to me she "asked" you to let her live her life the way she wants to live it. She wants to be on her own and see what it's like, right?

So why do you not like the idea of her having to figure it out? Are you a control freak? Do you feel responsible? Do you have a need to rescue her for some reason?

I don't get it.

AJ

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Wet,

I think you are like me and a lot of other men. We want to protect our wives and b mister fix it. Doing that is the worst thing we can do right now. I struggle with it all the time. Yesterday afternoon my youngest called me up and said she wanted to come home. I picked her up and asked her what happened. She had a fight with her older sisters. I asked if she had let her mother know. She said no, mom was on tread mill. I text wife when I got home that I had daughter. She said she had just tried calling her. I said she was welcome to come talk to her. Nothing more happened. I struggled with trying to fix things and make it better. I had to sit myself down several times and remind myself that it is u to wife to fix her own situations as that is what she has indicated she wants to do. You need to do the same. Let your wife learn. Don't try to fix. Things won't change unless you change your reaction.