I don't know if I would call it piecing. He has said he wants to come back. He wants to be a part of this family again. We talk about moving back into together permanently ( h left this country two years ago and now he comes back and forth). We are planning the holidays together and we have travelled as a family. We have been invited out together and we have invited people over to the house together. We have gone to a movie alone and we spend some evenings together watching TV.
The relationship is for the most part light and easy. He is 'present' . He wants to be here. He talks with me about work.
We haven't had a lot of convo about us except what I have mentioned and part of that convo has included me stating that he has a lot of work to do on himself to figure his stuff out. Or else he will just bolt again. I am pretty certain I have stated my boundaries succinctly and consistenly and they are heard and respected. We are building trust.
He is slow. I see someone scared and finding his way. He has a lot of trust issues. It's like he expects me to be mad and I'm simply not. I think this adds to his guilt and he has not yet dealt with that- at least openly with me.
But to answer your question I have stayed away from calling it piecing. I have understood that piecing comes later if at all. He has not said he is working on the marriage per we yet his actions show he is working on coming back. I see the final step to piecing as not yet taken just yet.
Last edited by bustingout; 10/28/1407:28 PM.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
And right now? Anything I can do differently ? sometimes I wonder and then I remeber I can decide whatever future I want for myself. He might not know what he wants but I do. I need to remeber that. I suppose time will give me any answers I seek.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
When he really commits and it really is piercing then come the hard boundaries and conversations you're not supposed to have right now. : )
I agree with this. ^^^ My "raise the bar" comment is me wondering if there's some way Busting can incrementally turn up the heat just a notch here? See if he'll respond and take a next step?
It seems to me if she stays at status quo, so will squirrelish H.
Also sometimes I remeber how far I have come. And to a certain extent him as well. From the darkest days of this... To this. It seems incredible at times. As an observer it fascinates me sometimes. You told me this was long term. Oh boy is it.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
And right now? Anything I can do differently ? sometimes I wonder and then I remeber I can decide whatever future I want for myself. He might not know what he wants but I do.
And is he -- in his CURRENT state -- getting you closer to that future you want for yourself, or is he holding you back from it?
I don't know if I am following you but when I read your post it made me think that h will do nothing unless i do something first . Am I getting you?
I like that thought Starsky. i don't know what to do though
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
so far ..yes. In his current state he is getting me closer to the life I want with my family. A life I want with my partner....? Ideally him..? incant say yes or no on it yet.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
