Maybell XVII

[Card29]

11. And I am grateful for the 5K Training thread!

[jim0987]

1) I'm grateful for my amazing and excitable children
2) I'm grateful for the fact my job is flexible enough to let me enjoy time with them
3) I'm grateful my boss has been understanding about why my work has suffered
4) I'm grateful for the pay rise which means I can keep the house and give a shred of stability to my kids
5) I'm grateful that I better understand my emotional triggers
6) I'm grateful that I can use my new understanding to build a better relationship with my dad
7) I'm grateful for the small but dedicated group of friends and family who are standing by me. There is nothing that could have helped limit the damage to my self esteem more than their response
8) I'm grateful to the advice on here that has helped me to grasp and own my failings
9) and finally I'm grateful for my STBXW, she has given me happy memories beautiful kids and taught me what it is to love.

[Maybell]

This isn't a meltdown but a moment of heartache. A mom at school reported that my H was flirting with a blond on Friday while he was out with my kids. I asked a dad I know was with him and he confirmed that my H had indeed been talking to this woman and that he later texted my friend asking for her contact info on the pretext that the kids had gotten their goody bags mixed up. That didn't happen or my son would have told me so. I have the goody bag in my kitchen.

So my H, who used to be so reliable, who loved me and held my hand or put his hand in my lap when we were on road trips, found wine tours for us to take when we lived on the west coast, and picked out this antique farm house to live in with me when we moved here... He's trolling the local dating pool and doing it in a way that is likely to get back to me. He's dressing up as Walter White for Halloween. He is behaving like the sort of person he used to laugh at and that makes other people report that they find him offensive. Even his BIL, who is his best friend since seventh grade, is making pointed comments about what a good man should want from life.

Can someone please tell me when this will all be over?

Note to self: don't let moms hold my PMA hostage with playground gossip.

[T384]

Maybell -

These WAH act in ways that are astonishing to those of us in the 'right' state of mind. He is acting out for whatever reason that may be. Let him do his own thing and most importantly do not let others know what gets to you. Maybe you could politely ask not to be informed of things you do not want to be? Looking back, and you know all about hindsight, but I should have realized who my friends were and were not. I have gained some friends and lost quite a few but at the end I gained QUALITY not quantity. I realized who was really my friend and who would just call to 'fill me in' or get any details. My road home for H wasn't very smooth, I did try to leave it as smooth as possible but there are definitely some bumps in there that I wish I could change. I just want you to learn possibly from my mistakes. Figure out who are your friends: don't share details with people you cannot trust and follow your gut. It usually won't steer you wrong.

As far as your H. Let him go on his crazy ride. Who knows, it may end up back with you but that's a choice he has to make. Make the most of your interactions with him. Not about talking but just about your behavior. I know I've said this a thousand times and everyone is different but it really irked my H that I was dressed up at basketball, laughing, talking, on my phone quite often (usually texting my mom haha) but he didn't know... And I was always dressed nice, bit my tongue to force a smile and act friendly, short and always in a hurry to get the boys moving because we had things to do.

I also remember Claire saying to me. Maybe there is a place in your heart where you can feel sorry for your H. That he is behaving the way he is and hurting those around him. It is really sad if you think about it. That once such a great man has turned his life upside down

[Maybell]

Coach's boundaries thread

[Maybell]

Thank you, T, I appreciate the helpful words.

[Maybell]

Today's horoscope:

Upsetting news that you receive from far away, perhaps by phone or email, could send you into an emotional tailspin. There's an aura of uncertainty about what you hear - it may not make sense. Before you pass along the news or panic, Aries, make sure you know all the facts. You're likely to find that it's been blown all out of proportion. In view of this, you deserve an evening out.

[GoatGal]

Maybell,

I know hearing about your H's flirting antics has got to sting.
How could it not?

This will test your skill at re-framing his actions to reflect your knowledge that IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

You know you shouldn't take it personally.

At this point he is thinking of nothing but himself and his own happiness. He's grasping at straws. Maybe he will wake up one day, maybe he won't. But either way, it's not about you, although I know it feels like it.

(Now, if I could just take my own advice on that! )
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Meanwhile, this would be the perfect time to get back to your "Gratitude Thread"!

I try and do this myself every morning when I catch myself dreading what another day might bring.
So--- right before I throw up after the latest nightmare, this is what I review in my mind.
(Okay, so there are more things but I'm limiting it to ten. One of the "more things" were some really incredible dreams about a wonderful future which included some serious romance with someone new... that's nice for a change.)

1. I am grateful for everyone on this board. I am alone most of the time and with you guys I don't feel so isolated.

2. I am grateful for my own adaptability. I learn, I grow, I get better. I have overcome many obstacles in my life. For example, people who meet me now would never suspect that I have Asperger's or ADD. That speaks volumes about how MUCH I have improved my social skills. Of course, now I have people who think I'm making it up.

3. I am grateful for my old and new friends who have been so supportive of me during this time. Granted, I don't always agree with their advice, but I know their hearts are in the right place. I know they care about me and value me as a person.

4. I am grateful that H has not been as hellacious as some other spouses I've read about. He's pretty tame by comparison.

5. I am grateful that I have the freedom to pursue my passions, that I still have a working vehicle, a roof over my head, money to buy groceries/pet food, and Netflix. I do not want financially and I do appreciate that H has kept this going for me, if nothing else.

6. I am grateful for the unconditional love of my animals. They are always there adoring me for just being alive. They give me the physical affection I have been lacking otherwise. To them--I AM a GODDESS!

7. I am grateful for good health. I do suffer from some ailments but it's nothing life-threatening. More chronic pain... but in that vein, I am GRATEFUL FOR GOOD DRUGS! Chemistry has allowed me to sleep, to eat, and to ease the incredible anxiety I've felt for over a year now.

8. I am grateful for being adopted by parents who, although they were not perfect, instilled in me a sense of myself as a person of value, and who allowed me to be me.
I learned to learn, to be curious, to question, and to stretch myself. They exposed me to many things and taught me to think for myself.
As an ugly-duckling, socially awkward, Asperger-y Smarty-Pants, Fat, Bucktoothed NERD, my mother somehow made me believe I was beautiful. Because she saw me that way.

So many years later, people see me as "beautiful". Which astounds me.
But I think it's that my "inner beauty" that projects outward. I'm no fashion model.
But at my last dance weekend, a young (HOT!!!!) guy was just sitting on the sidelines and he said, very quietly:
"My god. I just LOVE... watching you dance!"
(Under other circumstances, I might have asked him to tell me more about this... but I am GRATEFUL for the good sense to know when to walk away. )
But hot guy aside, I get this comment all the time. For which I am grateful, even though my dancing is about me feeling good, not about looking good, but hey, I'll take it!

9. So---I am grateful that I can still KICK ASS on the dance floor, in the DJ booth, on stage, and in the recording studio. WHOOP! WHOOP!! (Hands in the air!!!!) And I know I'm not close to done. I'm still learning and doing more every day. I'll quit when I'm dead.

10. I am grateful that my regrets in this life are few. That I learn from my mistakes. That I take things to heart. That my life (hopefully) still has enough days left to make the most of what I'm learning EVERY. DARN. DAY. That when the end comes, I can say "I did the best I could. And you know? It was pretty impressive!"

Better days to come, Maybell. BELIEVE IT.


Your Pal,

The Goat Gal

[Maybell]

GoatGal, I love you.

[GoatGal]

Back atcha (((Maybell))).

When are we doing First Friday?