Ahoy, only you can say what's right for you. We are here to learn from each other and support each other, not to make decisions for one another. Everyone here wishes you well.
hi raliced. miss you too. It's been a challenging few days, and I've been feeling beaten down by life. Also, I'm questioning whether I want to continue with the boards or not. I think I spend too much time here, and sometimes people can respond in a manner that is really insensitive and hurtful. I like getting advice, but there is a kind way to go about it.
My MRI for tracking my multiple brain tumors is next week, so I'm anxious about that. My H told me last week that we are not in a "trial" separation. He is done with the M. He told our daughter that we would never be a family again. He wants to date people and experience life on his own. I have to accept this.
This morning we met to discuss the steps to move forward with a dissolution. Normally, I would bring all the paperwork, go through all the finer points, argue for what I want. Instead, I showed up empty handed and let him drive the conversation. (Even though I had read two books on the dissolution/divorce process in my state and have already printed out and familiarized myself with all the forms.)
I asked him if he dropped me from his health insurance for next year, as he had said he would. He said he didn't and that he's sorry if I had misunderstood. He said he would keep me on his insurance as long as I needed. We could stay married on paper as long as it takes me to get secure. I cried a bit at this point, because the health issues I face and the whole insurance thing has been making me anxious for weeks. He started crying a bit too.
I told him that I wasn't sure what I wanted going forward, but that if we pursued a dissolution, I thought we should both be 100% sure. He said he wasn't 100% sure (but he also said that he's okay if that means he ends up alone in the long run, so I don't think he wants to be with me, even if he's not sure about D). I said I was sorry if I had seemed to push for resolution sooner. I said perhaps we should both pursue our own paths (dating other people), and see where things lead, then we can reevaluate in January. He agreed. I can tell that the thought of me dating others affects him, even if he doesn't say anything. Honestly, I'm not even interested in starting up a new relationship, but I do want him to open his eyes to reality, and this might help. I told him that I wasn't going to sit around waiting and hoping, but that we were moving so fast that it would be good to slow down the process.
So that happened. He is not in a hurry, he says. I still don't think he wants to restore the M, and maybe never will, so perhaps there's no point in the delay. Perhaps it will just drag everything out and make it harder for me. But for now I will sit in this space and see what transpires.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Wow - you have had a lot go on this week. (I get to look forward to a similar convo with STBX next week)
So relieved to hear about the health insurance - that should take one worry off of your plate for a while anyway. I will be thinking about you during these tests.
I think I said this on your thread earlier but we may have cross posted. There is nothing wrong with moving forward with Dissolution and taking care of business. Yes, people are here to save marriages - but you can't have a healthy marriage without a healthy you - and you need to be putting yourself first right now. I am Team Ahoy- all the way.
Interested about his reaction to the idea of you dating someone. Honestly - I don't think this has ever occurred to STBX, much less the idea of someone being a stepfather to his kids.
Again - so glad to hear from you again - we're in such similar situations and time frames - and you are such an awesome polka-loving, banjo strumming lady- I always look for you.
I'm glad to hear that you will have insurance as long as you need it.
Great job giving him something to think/worry about regarding you dating others. I have failed at that lately. Check out what sandi2 wrote last night on my thread. Maybe the thought of you dating will bother him enough to make him reconsider things. Who knows?
You have been supportive of me and others on here, and I hope you are able to find peace and happiness.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
I'm glad he did the stand up thing and kept you on the insurance. Sounds like he has no clue what he wants.
Glad you're back
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
raliced, thank you -- you always cheer me up, and I always look for your posts too. We do have much in common in our situations, and I admire the peace with which you've been able to move forward in yours. One day I will write a banjo song in your honor about all this nonsense that we're going through!
Card -- thanks for chiming in too. I do hope that the thought of me dating others gives him pause. I did see what sandi wrote on your thread, and it's one of the reasons I mentioned the dating thing to my H. He has to be afraid to lose me, because that is ultimately what is going to happen if we continue on the path we've been on. I don't even have to actually date (I know I'm not ready), but I can be mysterious and let his imagination fill in the blanks.
In other news, I am truly grateful for my 14-year-old neighbor who helped me rake leaves; to my 88-year-old other neighbor who mulched the leaves in part of my back yard with his riding mower, and the other retired neighbor who until this week had been a stranger to me, but who heard about my situation and used his mower to blow all of the leaves in my front yard into the ditch for pickup. I hope I have a chance to pay forward all the kindnesses.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
