I would act as if you are not worried about him doing this during the birthday party.
But do not let him off the hook. If he says "mom and dad decided or mom and dad feel" and it is not what you decided or how you feel you need to calmly have him correct his statement. .
Gogo, thanks for the good thoughts. And while I don't dispute the validity of your advice, I'm not going to take it. The part about acting as if I don't care he springs the news on them at my S18's birthday dinner. I do care and I've said so. He has the rest of the weekend to make his announcement.
As far as making sure the kids know it's not a joint decision, that's covered already. We have discussed a script, and he is taking responsibility and making clear I don't want it.
The whole thing about him being selfish was in reaction to some conversations we were having by text last night while he was at band practice. This weekend is difficult to coordinate, most are when you have teenagers. S18 is home from college, wants to spend time with his GF, my girls have parties Friday night, D16 has a babysitting job on Saturday. In addition, H has a group of people in town from a business partner in China that he's supposed to be entertaining. The whole weekend is complicated and his only concern was when we were telling the kids. He just so desperately wants it out of the way. I can imagine the pressure the duck is giving him, and I wonder why he puts up with it. Nagging is not one of my vices. But that's his decision to make, good luck to both of them. Imma gonna stay in my own sandbox.
You already know he's selfish. He wants out of his marriage.
I'm not defending him, but I think he just wants it over because it's looming over his head. You've put some pressure on him to get it done and the mallard may be putting some pressure on him or not. Who knows.
Point being don't read to awful much into because it will drive you bonkers. Trust me, I know. I spun my self into a fit yesterday on some stupid idea that was in MY head. I had it all figured out, where she was, what she was doing, who she was with... then SHE called right in the middle of my terrible imagery and blew it all to pieces.
You have enough reality to deal with don't add more weight to carry...(seems like I just said this last night to someone else...hmm)
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
the mallard may be putting some pressure on him or not. Who knows.
I really don't put a lot of thought into the duck. I haven't asked a single question about her. She's simply not worth poisoning my brain over. But I do know in fact that she's putting pressure on him, he said so last time we were in MC about a month ago. She must be livid by now. Which I find perversely amusing. They deserve each other.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
He was selfish before this separation issue happened.
Yes ma'am, he was. One of my friends pointed that out to me the other day. A college friend who doesn't even know H well, has no idea of the details of what he's done lately. That was eye-opening, to know that others have that opinion of him without my saying it.
1. Three marvelous kids 2. Insulin and the ability to measure blood sugar 3. That my H is acting civil 4. My job and the people I work with 5. Enough income to provide a house, food, cars 6. Friends and extended family 7. My faith 8. The health of myself and my family 9. The South Florida Sunshine 10. People on this board
I spun my self into a fit yesterday on some stupid idea that was in MY head. I had it all figured out, where she was, what she was doing, who she was with... then SHE called right in the middle of my terrible imagery and blew it all to pieces.
+1. This happens to me too: my scenarios are always wilder than what really happens to my W. Usually, any contact with her will make me realize that it's not as rosy and fun as I thought. (It still seems rosier than being with me though!)
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
The part about acting as if I don't care he springs the news on them at my S18's birthday dinner. I do care and I've said so. He has the rest of the weekend to make his announcement.