TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Keep walking on down your path, Busting, and stop trying to figure out if your walkaway husband is still following you, or if the WAY that he's following you is up to snuff.
Every time he comes near you, you get rattled and lose your mojo from my observation. Just keep WALKIN' -- he'll either catch up and move Heaven and Earth to give you what you want and need, or he won't.
Yes you are right Starsky! I DO get rattled. And my mojo falls to the wayside. Ok I'll keep wakin, focus on today. And let things be as they are meant.
((((((((((((((((((((((((am not just sending you a hug -it's a busting bear hug special)))))))))))))))))))))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I am so glad to read your recent updates and see that you are doing well.
I am cheering for you, as always!
((((((((busting)))))))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
I need to be consistent in my actions too and not let my fears turn me into an erratic person. So I need to maybe stop thinking about these fears and focus on TODAY.
Yes.
I was going to ask how you are doing, but it seems like your doing great.
For me, this time that you are going through was the hardest part. It was a play it by ear or touch...do I proceed gently or do I pull out a hammer?
And my simple advice to you and something I still use to this day...whenever our arguments get heated, I envision in my mind two paths. One leads angrily and gleefully off a cliff surrounded by self inflicted flames, where I enjoy the ride down. The other is the safer path.
I'd wish you luck...but I don't believe in it and, really? You don't need it.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
KG, NLW and J3B!!!!(((((()))))))) I am so happy to 'see you' all. Thank you thank you for coming by. I've missed you all very much.how are you doing? ???
Thank you for your words of support and encouragement. I do feel at a loss these days of what is exactly going on with H. Are we coming together? Are we just co parents? Will be open up? Become vulnerable? Can I trust him? Will we move forward together? And you can imagine the questions that continue .....
I really am just living my life - and enjoying it. I want to keep going yet I feel like I have been put in another type of limbo. If this is a chance I want to do everything I can to keep it possible but I get frustrated not knowing how far I can go with h? Do I take the first steps and open up and make myself vulnerable? Actually I don't feel ready to do that. I guess this part as J3b said is really hard. Before I knew where I stood. I knew what I was doing on my own. Now I don't know if I am on my own anymore or not.
Is this all normal at this point? i just wonder if I need some new tools. I still feel this is all me. Navigating, deciding, and the future of my family depends on it.
Hard stuff. One day at a time.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Why don't you raise the bar of what you expect of him, and see if he responds to it?
Either he is capable of more or he's not. Right now, he can surely sense that his "low bar" threshold of behavior is enough to keep you circling in his life, no?
Hi Starsky! Well I think I did that before reading your suggestion. Awhile back - when this whole 'coming together' was starting, H kept taking about expectations. I would respond consistently saying I did not have any, basically, just let things develop as they may. He would respond by saying that THAT in itself was an expectation ... We went back and forth on this and finally he had said what he meant was that HE actually didn't have any expectations. What he meant ( and stated much to my surprise) was that if I wanted to see other men he was fine with that - see.. No expectations.
Needless to say I was very upset about this ( again- this was all about a month or so ago) and stayed by boundaries and my values on that. We came to the conclusion that if we want to give this a go then we should just let things be. He also agreed to no extra marital activities.
Anyways as weeks went by and , as I have posted, things seemed to be going smoothly. The comment he made though weighed more heavily on my mind and heart than I expected it would ( despite telling myself that it was a comment made in fear, trying to control, etc ). I felt un valued, unworthy.
Well today I finally brought it up with him. I very calmly told him what I felt, and he told me to please retract the comment that he made - he didn't mean it and he of course would not want me seeing or sleeping with other men. He does not want that. Didn't know why he said that.
So that kind of made me feel something positive. Is that raising the bar a bit?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
