I know! It's like they've gone totally insane suddenly. My situation started in June when he turned to me at 11pm at night just as I was about to fall asleep and said, "I'm just not sure I'm excited about getting married anymore..." Out of the blue! Of course, he neglected to mention he'd been having an affair for 5 months... Then he tells me that his decision to leave me had nothing to do with her - he actually believes this ridiculousness! Until he met her, we were very happy and excited about our future. We had just bought our dream home!
Some moments I'm ok and realize that he was really messed up and has serious character flaws and that all this had nothing to do with me. But most moments I'm crying, miserable and wondering what happened to the man I once loved.
I packed up all my things and moved them into storage yesterday. It was the most painful experience so far, because it's so final and I don't think I really believed this was happening till then. I kept running across all the evidence of our great life and memories.
I too pray that the fog lifts and we can find our way back together someday. I know he must miss me sometimes but I don't know why that isn't enough to compel him to come home (other than he is filling his needs with her). I worry that because I had to tell our work colleagues we had broken up because he had an affair (I was falling apart and needed to explain why), that there is too much broken glass. On one hand, I wish that I could have kept a lid on all this better, but on the other hand I needed to protect myself and be honest. If I had to do this again, I would have kept the disclosure tighter. Some books tell you to out the affair as broadly as possible to try to break up the fantasy, but in my case he was so deep in the fog and the rationalization, that I'm not sure it worked like it was supposed to - he just buries the guilt and the shame...
What about you? How are you coping today?
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
Just venting. When do the pain and feeling of intense loss go away? When will I start to have anything to look forward to again? I am so depressed. Just a bad morning, I guess...
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
It just takes time. Some days I feel great, others awful. From what I've read about you, you have a lot going for you and deserve someone more mature about relationships. I have confidence in you. Think back to a hobby or a project you might have stopped doing when your R started and start doing that again!
M: 33 W: 33 M: 9 T: 10 3 S's: 8, 6 and 1.5 BD: 8/3/14 Living together
Congratulations for the courage it took to move your stuff out of the house. May the move help you heal. I didn't mind staying in the family apartment, but now you make me doubt whether this is getting in the way of detaching. My W being in a brand new apartment surely help her moving on (she doesn't seem to need any help).
As for the pain, five weeks after my W left, I would say that the highs are more common and longer, but the lows are just as low as 10 minutes after she left. I was hoping for better, but there is an improvement and we have to be patient.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I just got the following email from him. Pls help me interpret!!! What do I do with this?
Hi. I just wanted to say hello and that I was thinking about you. I care very much about you, Zimmy. I continue to learn new things about myself and our relationship. There is so much I wish I would have done differently over the last 7years. I know how much you did for us and for me during that time. I wish I would have done more for you. I wish I would have made you my priority like you made me yours. I wish I had communicated better. I wish I would have recognized and appreciated your dedication and commitment....and everything you did for our relationship. I wish I would have reciprocated that back to you. You deserved it all and more. I see you now better than ever. Wherever life leads, I am determined to be a better person.
I know I have caused an unimaginable amount of pain. That burns my heart every day. Please forgive me for writing this email. I know your wishes. I know you want / need some time to yourself. I respect that completely. I'll leave it at.
You know I love you, C
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
Oh great, now he is going to be a better person with HER! This makes me sick! He is right - he took me for granted all those years and now he figures it out, in time to be a better man for the OW???. Somebody kill me now...
Why did he need to send this? He isn't rethinking his decision to split up, right? So is he just trying to be kind? I feel like it's a final goodbye letter trying to make me feel better and I just got broken up with all over again!
Thoughts?
Engaged Aug 2009 Fiancé had doubts Jan 2010 Happily re-engaged July 2012 Discovery of affair July 2014 Separated July 2014 Fiancé is confused about whom to choose Chose the OW Oct 2014
Hmm, sounds like second thoughts to me. Sounds like he is starting to realize he f'd up.
Just my, never to be humble, opinion.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
