So like I mentioned .. the dead W thing ... huge for me and for whatever reason really put me at peace since. I gave my M and her to God ... and pray he will walk me the rest of the way through this.
I TM her yesterday .. I RARELY do this .. but thought WTH, I said "I've been wanting to ask you, but did not want to upset you while you weren't feeling well how BIL is and if you have received any word (He was just moved into prison from the county jail) Please let him know that he is in my thoughts and prayers" She responded kindly .. then discussed some tax info and she told me she has to get some major work done on her car. I wished her a good rest of the day and left it at that.
W was at the field last night to pick up S and I was very pleasant ... she had out tax refund check for me to sign, and asked how I wanted to handle splitting it, I told her I would just put in less this month so she could deposit all of it in her account, and we would not have to worry about her getting me my share of it... was a good solution. I hugged S and said goodbye to her and for them to enjoy their night. I played my game .. last one for this season and as a team we went out and celebrated ... to much .. lol.. I was pretty liquored up .. slept in and was late to work ... just realized I did not think of her at all .. was enjoying myself.
So at work today ... W TM, she has been dark for some time ... asked me how I was ( Severely hungover ...lol) I told her I was good and she brought up S and that we may need to have a little talk concerning his body .. as he is asking her questions ... I told her that he is most likely curious because of the differences ... she laughed and said I was spot on .. and said that S is all about her Boobs ... "Just like his father" this is true... lol ... I told her he mentioned to me that he has 4 crushes at school ... we actually had a very nice exchange about S, laughing and sharing things about him. ... so I get to atleast put a + mark on my calendar ... its been some time since I have been able to do that.
Tonight .. out to dinner with S ... looking forward to it.
Yes .. living sitch is a big one .. but its tough at the momeent ... $$ is tight and I have the dog, I would love to get a 2 bedroom apt .. but finding one out here that I can have the 100lb dog in is very hard ... but I will start looking after the year .. I pay off a few things and will have some $$ freed up.
Employment is good .. been here a year .. left a dead end 17 yr job and have done well here ... 2 10% raises in a year. With the degree, and this job on my resume .. later I will be paid better, long term objective there.
As far as travel ... I have seen alot in my time .. never really had the travel bug .. however .. the Harley does make me want to take coast drives, and check out the local scenery .. I live in a beautiful location and its good to take it in on the bike during the weekends.
Thanks for stopping in mleigh. Yeah the advice here is probably why I have not gone completely insane by now ... lol
So just journaling ... Updating.
Picked S up yesterday, we went out to his fav BBQ place, watched the first half of the game then went back to my place. He told me that he had told W what we were doing (he was pretty excited) and he invited her, but she declined telling him it was a boys night out. He called her up to say goodnight, was a short convo and she sounded a little down, but I was trying to break myself from listening in.
Dropped off S this morning, she invited me in... small talk, Asked how I was .. how work was .. I did the same,totally like neighbors would talk, I kept PMA and ended the conversation ... sincerely wishing her a good day. As I left ... for whatever reason a wave of sorrow fell over me, I just can not believe how much I really love her and how on earth we wound up "here". Stay the course .... I realized today things could be worse ... her spew TM/Phone calls have really tapered off, she has not brought up D in some time, evidence shows she was looking at me ... I will try not to mind-read here but there was a Horoscope page open on S's iPad looking up my sign (What to expect romantically), She also pulled up my facebook profile, and commented on another forum kind of like this that I used to spend a serious amount of time on. It was after that she pulled away ... so at the least .. she is "thinking" it appears. FWIW .. I was not snooping .. S tends to leave apps open and it kills the battery so I was just closing them off and noticed.
She TM this morning giving me some good news concerning BIL (Atleast she is still sharing that with me) and also told me what was discussed this morning at S's school meeting. still all business .... but she is still keeping some contact.
I do have a dilemma I would love to get advice on. This morning she asked if S and I were going to carve a pumpkin ... she has 2 outside her place (This bugged me .. but I let it go) so I told her maybe Sun/Mon I would get one and he and I would carve it at my place, she then said she wanted to take him trick or treating at our old neighborhood and she asked if I wanted to join them. I am on the fence here, I want her to miss me, miss what we had as a family and not allow any cake eating ... but I also do not want to miss out on a chance to improve the relationship. Thoughts?
Hi Caliguy. Ok I am no expert and no Vet yet and have made a lot of mistakes! But I will give you my thoughts. It sounds like from your postings you have passed on quite a few things. I think it is getting some results, right?
But Trick or Treating is more about your S. That might be a good chance for you to do something together as a family, for him. It would mean the world to S, right? And maybe give W a taste of what she is risking losing.
Just my thoughts. I'm curious to see what others think.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I do have a dilemma I would love to get advice on. This morning ... she then said she wanted to take him trick or treating at our old neighborhood and she asked if I wanted to join them. I am on the fence here, I want her to miss me, miss what we had as a family and not allow any cake eating ... but I also do not want to miss out on a chance to improve the relationship. Thoughts?
Hi Caliguy, it seems like there are a lot of good things going on in your life. Keep up the good work.
On the Halloween thing, I am not sure why you are weighing what your going trick or treating with s7 will do to your W? If you go, it may improve your relationship with your W? And if you don't go, maybe it will make her miss you? It seems like you are still too focused on your W. Detach!
And the Halloween thing? Yes mleigh is right, keep your focus on your s7. And what do YOU want to do? Will it be fun night out, is this something you enjoy? Your actions on something like this are not that important to your relationship, so stop trying to make it more important than it is. Just my .02 worth.
I couldn't agree more - what is it a strong man of the house wants to do for Halloween ?
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2: I have contacted an online university and will be compleing my degree, I need about 1-2 years and I will have my degree, its expensive .. but something I want to accomplish
Can I make a suggestion? I also went back to school. It was part of the plan after ex finished her degrees, and I stuck to it. I have been doing distance education for many years. Some of the online courses are incredibly expensive but really offer very little. I found one, wgu.edu that's been very good. Almost done with that (few more months, hopefully). Been at it for several years now. Very affordable, especially compared to the others I've tried. Even the local jc.
Running. I've been sidelined with a leg issue off and on for two years. Recently it got really bad, as in I could barely walk. Went to a chiro friend of mine (last time I tried pt) and he seems to have a handle on it. Turns out the back problem may be due to hip flexor tightness. Situps, running, biking, and lots of sitting (I have a desk job) all contribute. As I've been working through the stretches etc, I find I am feeling much much better. Should be back to running in November.
My point? Don't forget the stretching! It's an important part of the workout.
As for the rest. One of the hardest parts is giving it to God, and not taking it back from time to time. As if we know better
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
"I couldn't agree more - what is it a strong man of the house wants to do for Halloween? "
Sounds like good advice to me.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I so understand the "should I go, should I not" thinking? I am also focusing on trying to create situations where H will know what he is missing yet balance it with opportunities to have positive interactions.
Based on recent conversations it looks like my H is going to finalize the D, yet I can tell he still cares for me and sounds like it is the same with your W. I felt that same wave of sadness you describe- how did we get here????
The advice above made me think some- we should do what we want to do for us. Thats hard for me as I analyze and try to modify each situation to what I think might help. Maybe we should both give that up and just start taking care of us and giving it to God.
Easier said than done for sure!!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
