Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Good morning, just journaling about the rest of the weekend......Nothing! You weren't expecting anything were you? After church we all had breakfast, then D12 and I headed off to our basketball game, H and D16 headed off to a college fair. We all reconvened for dinner and a quiet evening together. All sooooo normal. I honestly enjoy our weeeknds together, I really do. I cannot fathom why H is so desperate to leave. How long until I stop wondering "why"?
OK, in looking back over my thread, I see that every Monday morning I have a "why would he leave our perfect family" attitude and that by Friday I'm ready for him to go. Not sure that means anything other than I'm aware of the pattern of my mood swings. Maybe that's a step towards something.....
About the Why? You could never be perfect enough for him. No matter what you did, you would always fall short of his unrealistic demand for perfection.
He has things he needs to do to be worthy of you, don't you think?
((( )))
ps Do you see yourself as pathetic? IRL I encourage women every day to ask for help when needed and I use an example much like jefe used. Don't you enjoy having the opportunity to help people? Do you offer help because you want to help or do you offer help hoping that people don't ask because they're pathetic users? Knowing you the little bit I do from this board, I'd say it's the former but you've bought into your H's skewed version of you. Please know that what he says isn't the truth.
You get to define your truth and by doing so you'll be showing your Ds what a powerful woman looks like.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
So.....I have a question for you. It's another "why" but about myself.
Today (since it's Monday ), I think that if I could wave a magic wand and rewind the clock back two years, I'd take it. Even remembering that I wasn't really all that happy, even remembering the criticism H has dished out over the years, even knowing that we weren't sharing the intimacy and passion that should be in a M. Why is that? Why am I willing to settle for good when I could have great? Is it that I don't really believe that great can exist for me? I realize that I chose consistently good over great a lot of years ago. But why am I still fighting for it now?
Even if H came out of his fog, dropped OW like a rock, curbed his sharp tongue, begged forgiveness, offered transparency, started speaking my LL, declared that I had changed and sincerely felt like I was offering everything he wanted.....I still don't know that we'd be at great together. So why am I fighting this?
I'm just thinking out loud here, really, but I'd love any insight anyone wants to offer.
I just had a fascinating e-mail conversation with H about revisionist history and three being a crowd. It was an entirely kid-related conversation, I just found it totally ironic. And I'm sure he doesn't see it at all.
Is he re-writing history? I hate when they do that. Yeah, I'm looking forward to the wife "dating" that should be a treat.
Chin up.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
