Ss, I've always been a pretty logical, scientific-minded kinda person (though I am not a scientist-- i was an English major!) I think I've always been able to see multiple sides of a situation-- except when it came to my own fears and anxiety. Then, I was totally paralyzed and blinded.
Now that my brain is not constantly flooded with "fight or flight" hormones, I can think about my own situation more logically, too.
I wear sexy lacy things to work and you know what I'm sure it shows in my confidence and attitude. Works for me too with hair and make up. Started shaving agin even tho it's too cold to wear short skirts and sleeveless tops.
So keep it up.
Last edited by Ggrass; 10/17/1406:07 AM.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Just wanted to say that I've started following your story. I see a lot of parallels with my own especially in the way that you suffer and question the situation. Hang in there, many of us are following your journey and hope for the best.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Claire, you handled the MIL thing well. But frankly, if she is going to reach out to you by sending an email, then she is the one opening the door to hear how you are doing. And how you are doing is directly connected to your H, her son, and his choices. You did not badmouth him. I thought you were pretty generous, actually, and mainly focused on yourself in a positive way.
I feel for those of you who have great relationships with their in-laws, because you are losing not only a spouse but also a family. In my case, thank goodness, my H's family has never been emotionally there for me (or ask after me or call -- even after my brain surgery). H's dad has been there for us in a pinch, physically and financially, a few times, but there has never been an emotional connection. So I guess I'm not losing much in that regard. Turns out my H is just like them (surprise!).
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Hi Claire - I agree with Ahoy, I did not think you said anything you shouldn't have with MIL, you were honest about your situation and how you felt, she cannot find fault with that. And it's good she wants to remain close to you and D.
I am close to half my H's family, the other half have sided with him, met the OW and are entirely happy with his choices. It's just such a difficult situation for in-laws too.
Take care x
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
me: can we sit down soon and go over the calendar? I feel like there are a lot of emails back and forth and it's hard to keep track.
H: Sure. But can I ask what's the confusion? I didn't think there was any confusion, I mean I'm fine to meet, but...
me: Ok, we don't have to meet, maybe we can just put it all on one email. It's hard to keep track when it's in all different threads.
H: no, it's fine to meet. I think what we have to figure out is New Year's and Thanksgiving. Did you say your family is having a party on the Saturday of Thanksgiving this year?
Claire, my H refuses to look at our shared family calendar now, he's ignored it for years. (It's an ap that we all have access to, it's not like it's hard to find.) It's just going to be a ton of fun when we don't live together.
My H got annoyed with me the other day when I referred him to the calendar for some information: "I don't think we need to do all our communicating via Google calendar."
No, just the stuff about who, what, when and where.
Love your hashtag.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
me: can we sit down soon and go over the calendar? I feel like there are a lot of emails back and forth and it's hard to keep track.
H: Sure. But can I ask what's the confusion? I didn't think there was any confusion, I mean I'm fine to meet, but...
me: Ok, we don't have to meet, maybe we can just put it all on one email. It's hard to keep track when it's in all different threads.
H: no, it's fine to meet. I think what we have to figure out is New Year's and Thanksgiving. Did you say your family is having a party on the Saturday of Thanksgiving this year?
((Nope, no confusion at all!)) #WAHckadoo
I say on one hand it's not a biggie, but on the other hand
Don't meet, unless HE suggests it. Otherwise he's doing YOU a favor, which you will then "owe" him.
When you do see him, and you will, you can better show the new you.
But please realize when you say "I feel like there's a lot of emails back and forth---hard to keep track"
I bet this is what HE THINKS YOU SAID (in a shrill FISH WIFE yell, of course)
"Hey stupid H, as usual you are MUCKING up everyone's lives with Your confusing MLC mind, so can we please sit down and straighten out the mess YOU made...again...please?"
So, that's my .02 Keep calm and never describe an interaction in a way that HE can feel you are slighting him.
1) APPLAUD loudly for the 1% of positives he does,
2) Listen like a lover ,when he talks about problems (other than any OW's of course)
3) Be warm and upbeat. You can regret the divorce but mostly for HIS sake b/c deep down, we all know who is losing more. And that's the truth. And while you have regrets for your kids and for him, you actually now realize you are becoming the best Claire you have ever been, and that's pretty sweet. An inner peace is growing within you, and you are a better woman for all this crap.
In fact, you have the advantage of knowing the truth, and living it. HE doesn't.
Does this clarify or help anything for you? I'm really just thinking out loud.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
