It's all crazee, my h told me he was cheating. Now says he did not. H says openly I wanted to say x but that's not what he said I have it in writing.
He's with ow telling people they basically live together but ldr oh and whines like a kid I won't answer his text. He never answers anything but I'm rude. Sigh.
It's just wizard of oz stuff.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Gwen, It's OK, don't be sorry. We understand how you feel better than most anyone. We all have our list of crazy things our S's have done/are doing. We also know the feeling of betrayal, of how can this person who just a little while ago went on and on about how important their family was to them now doesn't want a thing to do with them. It's important to allow yourself to feel the feelings but you also need to learn to let them go or they will eat you up inside.
Keep processing. Keep learning and try and remember that it's OK to feel the way you do. Just don't let yourself get stuck.
My fear of getting stuck is precisely why I am pushing so hard for a formal separation. I will have clear boundaries and I can continue moving forward. Unfortunately I am financially dependent on him right now but this path is the best way to move forward with my own dignity and responsibilities. I need to feel empowered.
Every night I pray for husband. I found a beautiful prayer that is just for him and I say it with love and no expectations. I have to say it is a gift for me as well. The surrendering of my love and acceptance. Each morning I wake up and choose my marriage. I wear my rings and I tell our girls this is like the family in the parable of the prodigal son. Just try to keep the door unlocked. It is very, very hard and we won't be perfect but that is my aim - to keep the door open.
I talk a great game but the execution of living this way is so very sad. I have never cried so many tears. It never should have had to be this horrible for any of us. My daughter said it is sad to think the one you'd take a bullet for is the person pulling the trigger.
Last edited by 123Gwen; 10/15/1412:39 PM.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
So true trying to rationalize the irrational. In another time my husband would have been mortified to see someone act like this. He would not want his daughters to see a man treat his wife with such disrespect. I have to quit thinking why and accept what is our new reality.
Is going dark though a good thing? I mean the dog had to go to the vet and the roof is leaking. I don't bother telling him but in the end am I just enabling? I just am tired of being ignored so I went dark for me but am I taking the easy route? It all feels hard and confusing.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
So true trying to rationalize the irrational. In another time my husband would have been mortified to see someone act like this. He would not want his daughters to see a man treat his wife with such disrespect. I have to quit thinking why and accept what is our new reality.
Is going dark though a good thing? I mean the dog had to go to the vet and the roof is leaking. I don't bother telling him but in the end am I just enabling? I just am tired of being ignored so I went dark for me but am I taking the easy route? It all feels hard and confusing.
Going dark is tough, and honestly I suck at it. It does make things different and you will see results. It makes the WAS think ... What is she/he doing? something isnt right .. it confuses them. As you read more you will have 3 things pounded into your head, they help YOU .. not the WAS, the OP, the M or the A .. its not about anything but YOU.
GAl 180 PMA ... for now ... your focus should be on you, your fam. and these 3 things ... its brutal .. not gonna lie .. but you will see results and these things will give you the strength you need if you want to be on this roller coaster
I guess then this going dark is right for me right now because I find it is easier for me. Do I block my FB posts too? I won't unfriend him but should I go dark online? I was surprised he even checks FB. It kind of makes me feel uncomfortable so I would hide my posts from him for me. We've lived in many states so I use FB to keep up with friends and only for positive posts. Nothing personal about the M.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
I guess then this going dark is right for me right now because I find it is easier for me. Do I block my FB posts too? I won't unfriend him but should I go dark online? I was surprised he even checks FB. It kind of makes me feel uncomfortable so I would hide my posts from him for me. We've lived in many states so I use FB to keep up with friends and only for positive posts. Nothing personal about the M.
Honestly ... I had to pretty much nuke FB (for my own sake), W un-friended me but I could see her posts (She was public on the profile), OM would "like" them and comment on some and I am screaming at the screen .. drove me nuts. I avoided it for my own sanity ... and reading your sitch ... I would not allow him to see what I was doing .. nor the kids ... I would try to avoid that too. I realize you like to stay in touch .. maybe just block him, not sure .. the FB thing was never really addressed in the books from what I recall and its an interesting dynamic in all this. I can see how at points it might be good to show 180's PMA and Detaching ..... but in a way its not "Dark" ... WAS knows what you are doing and it removes the mystery angle that does seem so spark some changes. Maybe a Vet can chime in on this topic... I am just rambling here... lol
He texted me today trying to get me to sign over the truck title so he could trade in the car. In the middle of separation talks so any new debt is a big no. Texted back politely. Called him and was ignored. Normally I have been handling this better but i have hit a wall. I blocked the phone from texts or voice calls. I warned him first.
Yes it was dumb. I guess I am tired of paying for it while he sexts away and calls her each and every day. I want to be separate from this monster. I don't like this person and he scares me even though he is on the other side of the country.
I will unblock the phone tomorrow. I don't know if I am built for this DBusting. I mean what kind of hope is there when you are treated like a piece of trash he left along the side of the road?
I have IC tomorrow. I will wake up and try again.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
He texted me today trying to get me to sign over the truck title so he could trade in the car. In the middle of separation talks so any new debt is a big no. Texted back politely. Called him and was ignored. Normally I have been handling this better but i have hit a wall. I blocked the phone from texts or voice calls. I warned him first.
Yes it was dumb. I guess I am tired of paying for it while he sexts away and calls her each and every day. I want to be separate from this monster. I don't like this person and he scares me even though he is on the other side of the country.
I will unblock the phone tomorrow. I don't know if I am built for this DBusting. I mean what kind of hope is there when you are treated like a piece of trash he left along the side of the road?
I have IC tomorrow. I will wake up and try again.
NO - dont unblock it.
Why should you be paying for it?
Where in DB are you getting the idea that you shouldn't look after yourself and have a boundary?
You can not be in a relationship with him while he is having one with someone else.
He crossed the line and you enforced the boundary - good job!
