Ahoy DB or not I think your in a good place. Im no expert but as I spend more and more time reading, researching and sharing I realize that it seems the key to true DB is to first help us heal with the fact it may not work out. once that heals then there can be a change and opening for a return. I am with you on its a shame so many people who although have their issues are good solid people who love their families and want to be whole. The more stories I read the more I see strong people who not only deserve another opportunity, they deserve happiness. Whether someone stays like your grandmother or decides to move forward in life as your contemplating the choice needs to be coming from someone who is confident in themselves. I think you have been put through so much and many ppl on here even a newbie like me can see you have changed and are stronger now than before. I pray that whatever happens you get the life you deserve.
Me 38 WAW 40 S 10 S 5 M 5 years BD 10/04/14 S 10/04/14
Actually, the perspectives here are strangely healthy. Makes sense, as darn near all DB'n is counter-intuitive. Why do we continue to show unconditional love to our spouses? We certainly don't love who they have become.
We love who they were, and who we know they can be again - especially if we become more complete versions of ourselves.
I don't see any harm in extending simple kindness to the WAS/MLC. Especially when he/she is in an A. And we all clearly hold love in our hearts. But no need to keep making it so clear to them the stark reality between our feelings and theirs.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
I see so much pain on these boards sometimes, but I also see some remarkable examples of character, perseverance, and spirituality that it makes my heart burst.
I've done some bad things in my life and in my marriage but I remain willing to own them and change myself to save my family.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Slept great last night and woke up feeling RELIEVED not to be with H anymore. Not to worry on his behalf about all his stresses. Not to have to listen to his rambling stories. Not to have to listen to his endless gripes about life and work when he has it SO GOOD!
I am looking forward to having positive people in my life, whether friends or partners. I am looking forward to moving on. I am embracing the happiness that ALREADY EXISTS inside of me. My joy of life, my love for my friends and family, my ability to serve others and the community. Pursuing the meaningful things in life.
Got two books on divorce/dissolution process in my state from the library. Didn't care a bit what the librarian must have been thinking.
I know studying up on D process is not DB. I'm supposed to stall and let him do all the work to see if he really wants it.
But I'm starting to realize that maybe I want this, for my own sanity. The closure is helpful for me.
Maybe after the D we will reconnect, but I don't really see the need to be legally wed.
My younger sister, who is in a committed relationship, doesn't believe in marriage. (She and her partner don't like the whole "government involvement" aspect in their relationship.)
I don't know what I believe anymore. I don't want to have a legally binding contract to compel someone to stay attached to me. I want to be with someone who chooses me every day, over and over. Maybe that person exists, maybe not.
But for now, I choose myself.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Spent yesterday evening organizing and copying paperwork and reading divorce books from the library. I am a bad DBer, right?
There's nothing wrong with protecting yourself even in the midst of DB. I understand - I spent last night actually thinking about the pleasant aspects of post divorce life.
I am a few weeks ahead of you in the process. What you are describing and going through is EXACTLY what I experienced. You will find a new sense of power, self worth and peace. Run with it. 1) It will make you a better DBer. 2) If you chose to drop the rope it will make it so much easier to move on. I started sleeping and eating better. Started being happier. The stress, anxiety, and fear no longer controls me. I don't think we can totally detach until we reach the point where we are ok with not standing anymore.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
