Need advice please 2

[Ahoy]

Sounds like you handled the situation well and with dignity. Kudos!
Also sounds like she is feeling down -- but these WAS don't realize that they are the ones putting themselves in this position. They want so badly to blame the LBS. You're not letting her do that by showing her your best possible self -- and that's good for you and your kids as well.

[Card29]

I agree about WAS trying to out any blame they can on LBS. That has definitely been the case with me, but I have not taken the bait.

[Jefe]

I second that! ^^^^^

[Old Dog]

You're doing a grand job there in very difficult circumstances there rd. Well done.

[rd500]

Hi all. Just an update. W gone a week now. She's home most days to see kids and do abit around the house. She asked me to sell her car on Sunday as it was to expensive to run and bought an older car yesterday that costs the same to run ?????? She has been very upset when leaving kids as S15 won't speak to her My to D"s are very upset even though in keeping them busy and eldest S is off college sick at the moment. This is now my reality and I'm having to deal with full time job plus all the cooking cleaning etc. it's tough but kids have to be treated the best that I can while all this is going on W seems to be keeping in contact almost normally. I don't contact her. And just validate her even if I think her acts are very selfish. I feel myself moving away from her I love her but her actions make me question who she is now Is this a person I want in my life ? I want my wife back but this woman and her putting her own needs before her children is not my wife. I know she is torn and her new life is not what she perhaps thought it would be but if life with me was so bad why would she ever come back ? Thanks to all who read and comment

[rd500]

Hi all. No posts back recently and feeling alone !! W arrived last night to show new car and disappointment was all over her face. Car is not her and she regrets her decision. The nasty side of me enjoyed that but it passed and I felt sad for her. She seems to be rushing at everything and it's not working. Any way kids and me doing ok. Ups and downs but all ok. House work getting on top of me but getting there. W home today to help so that will be a relief. Starting to feel like I will be ok Have down days asking why why but I know I am aleast 50% to blame so try not to stay in that place to long. D13 off to Barcelona with school in to weeks so going to miss her and hope she has a great time and doesn't dwell on crap at home Lots of texts this week from W about taking care and stupid stuff. Think she is just struggling to let go after all the years. Certainly not reading anything into it

[SunnyB]

Hi all. No posts back recently and feeling alone !!

You are not alone! One of the best things about this forum for me has been the realization that this happens to lots of us, that we hear the same things from our WAS, had the same things go wrong, have the same issues to work on ourselves. Makes me feel like I'm an OK human being, a flawed one for sure, but not the only flawed human in a pack of perfection. And it makes me realize that I will be OK no matter what happens. Hang in there, rd.

[Maybell]

Last night when I was out one of the women there, who I don't know well, confided that her marriage had been struggling after an affair too. They didn't separate, but leapt straight into counseling, retreats, etc., after the guilty party broke things off. But the marriage, three years later, is still barely limping along, and she doesn't know where things are headed.

Hearing that made me feel the value of a separation undertaken thoughtfully. Even if it's only one person who takes the time to GAL and self-reflect, that space and time can be useful.

I know it's hard to stand back and accept this rough time. But I'm sure that like me, in three years you'd like to feel like you've done the hard work to process all this and learn better skills so that *you* aren't the one wavering and uncertain of whether you want that person in your life.

I hope your daughter enjoys her trip. I'll keep a closer eye on your thread since you're feeling lonely. Best to you.

[rd500]

Thanks maybell Your words are very kind and very helpful. Your right. This site is a great help and it does let you see that , although flawed, we are not monsters. Thanks again and take care

[Ahoy]

rd, don't feel alone. We are all here for you. I've been spinning the past few days and haven't been able to post as much as I'd like on others' threads. But it doesn't mean I'm not thinking of you all and sending positive thoughts your way.

Even though I'm sure you're struggling emotionally, you sound like you're doing a good job holding it together for your kids.

I know what you mean about not recognizing your spouse and wondering how they could put their selfish needs before those of their children.

Know that you are taking the high road, and you will be able to walk away from the situation if the time comes knowing the strength of character you possess. There will certainly be others out there who will appreciate it.

And if your wife happens to notice and get a grip on herself, so be it. But don't count on it.