I know Eric. I'm not there yet. I'm not at the place where it doesn't matter. Not yet...but closer than I've ever been.
I can see it Heather...I really can. No rush to "get there"...you will get there when you get there. The hard part, which was figuring out where "there" was....has been done for the most part. You may not know what you "want" per se...but IMO, it is clear that you know what you "don't want". And that is IMO, half the battle.
I am sooooooo proud of you!
Slowly it is coming together. Much like a painting. Your life right now is YOUR canvas - you can paint it just they way you like..and from where I sit...the end product is gonna be amazing!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm soooooooo tired. I've been sitting quietly in my office today sketching out a template for the paper. I want to have certain things locked into various positions each week. It will make it easier for the readers to find what they want and easier for me to write.
But, dammmm, I'm pooped. A local diner is looking to hire D20 as a busboy/dishwasher. I'm so relieved. She will easily move up to server quickly. This particular diner does a lot of business and is owned by a really nice, former reporter for the newspaper.
I think I could sleep for 48 hours straight.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm still attached to the man underneath the disease. The good guy to this monster. If, however, by some miracle, Smokey were to call today and offer to go to rehab and so forth...well, I think the reality of his being back in my life would be much more difficult than what I'm dealing with right now. I'm not saying I would reject him...but, I think he has become more of a ghost than a real person.
I'm not sure how I would react to the real person, at this point. The real, living, breathing, flatulating, smoking, hypercritical, control freak of a guy...I doubt I would find him that attractive at this point. And, while Smokey was always this great guy underneath his problems, even when he was sober, he had some serious personality issues to work on.
I'm kinda wondering, out of curiousity and exhaustion...what would a nice man and a nice relationship with someone who actually made me a priority..what does that look like? What does that feel like? Maybe, I finally, FINALLY, believe that I deserve the respect, attention and time of nice man.
We shall see.
For today, I'm going home to my kids and dog.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm not saying I would reject him...but, I think he has become more of a ghost than a real person.
I'm not sure how I would react to the real person, at this point.
Cool thing about this......
Is that at the end of the day....
YOU DECIDE!
You and only YOU say when it is over - never forget that. You really are in control of YOUR life.
Now go get some sleep
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm kinda wondering, out of curiousity and exhaustion...what would a nice man and a nice relationship with someone who actually made me a priority..what does that look like? What does that feel like?
It feels GREAT!!!!
This morning my honey came over at 7:30 and brought me a Starbucks coffee and made me breakfast while I was getting ready for work - just so he could spend a half hour with me out of our busy work day
Heather, what you’ve accomplished is remarkable. Just imagine how much better it is going to feel when you settle down at your job, your new place and have a little break for yourself.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
My neighbor says Smokey was over at the house lickety-split with two other men mowing and burning stuff. I'm a bit thrown. She didn't want to tell me earlier because he was of so little help when we lived there. She asked if he was planning on living there?
I emailed my atty this morning and told him to please NOT withdraw the $500 I had arranged for withdrawal for today. Told him I would contact him early next week with instructions. I feel a bit hollow inside after receiving the email from my friend.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
