I met a friend while out last night, part of my GAL. This guy suggested that I cook dinner for the family just out of the blue, something in a crock pot or whatever. Let her discover it when she gets home from work. Funny to see your cooking story, has inspired me to give it a try.
Same guy a week or two ago recommended that I start taking walks with the kids and invite the WAW. The next day I was listening to ... He felt a walk 3-4 times a week with the whole family, no phones or earbuds, would help keep the family together. There's something about everyone facing the same direction for 45 minutes. So having two signs in two days I gave it a try. I tell the kids we're going for a walk and she has chosen to go most of those times. Seems positive. Took the kids to the park and we went for a walk there. Give it a try if it fits your sitch.
Good luck. God bless.
Last edited by Cristy; 10/13/1406:05 PM. Reason: per forum agreement, please do not mention other speakers, authors or websites
Me: 37, W: 36 S6, S3 M: 8 T:11 Discovered 1st A: 9/3/14 Began DB: 9/20/14 W "ended" 1st A repeatedly Discovered at least 3 more A's, filed 10/29/14
She seemed in a really good mood today and we painted the living room and I mounted the TV on the wall....Both things we've been wanting to do for a year. She did have a few moments that she seemed irritated and snapped at me, but I just kept to myself.
Not sure if she is making the house better to live here or get it more presentable if we have to put it up for sale ......There is my negative side again darn it!
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
I do it too. Just stay in the moment and don't analyze it.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
a couple weeks ago as part of my GAL, i started back to my karate classes. prior, my wife started going to an aerobic / kickboxing class with one of her female friends/co-workers.
anyways, yesterday when I was talking about going to class (and possibly an extra class on saturday) my wife said "I think i'm going to start going to kickboxing on mondays" I asked if it was in place or or in addition to she said "i'd like to go two days a week" I told her that is fine and i'll watch our daughter that night while she is there. I mentioned something about her friend being able to go that often because of recent surgery (c-section) and she said "no, she probably won't go...just me).
strikes me as odd....she typically doesn't do things on her own like that. just making a note.
I think she was irritated a little tonight. our daughter was giving issues about going to sleep and kept crying. I told her to just let her cry for a while and then we could check on her. I told her if she keeps going, I'll go up next time. well....the daughter was quite for about 20 minutes and I dozed off (napping before having to go to work for the night as sunday is the day I do not sleep all day / night). I woke up to my wife closing her laptop and saying "I guess I'll go lay with her and just go to bed for the night" I had just sat up, still half asleep, and she looked at me and didn't say a word. no "good night", "have a good night"....nothing.
I feel like it was a set back because I didn't follow through with going up to see our daughter....but I fell asleep I know i'm making excuses, but i fee pretty bothered.
probably me over analyzing but, earlier in the day she took her ring off while painting. then she had to run to target and to pick up pizza for dinner. she changed clothes, cleaned up and left her ring on the counter. She never put it back on. she NEVER used to leave the house without her ring.
she did seem to do a bit of roller coaster today. i was a little bit, but not TOO bad. I did manage to avoid confrontation when she was on her down swing.
positive ..... overall, I feel we had a decent weekend. we worked together and finished painting the living room, I did NOT have any break downs around her....I kept my cool, even though she did a few things that bothered me.
I made sure that I complimented her on working hard as well. I posted pics of our accomplishment on facebook and gave her credit for most of the work and for motivating me.
honestly, was thinking ALOT today about our next MC session. I'm concerned / scared. I hope that she is willing to at least agree to forget about (or at least postpone) a move out separation and continue as is for now. in my eyes, i really haven't given her much to "complain" about the past couple weeks.
I really missed sleeping in OUR bed over the weekends though. even though I don't touch her or have any intimacy what so ever (and don't expect any) , just sleeping apart feels so....WRONG and LONELY
hope to at least maintain for now but really am hoping for more change in a positive direction.
any encouraging words would be appreciated. I'm constantly looking to the board for positive thoughts and suggestions.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
quick question.... as part of the GAL, people frequently say to make plans on occasion that COULD include the wife if she wanted to invite herself (from what I understand)
how would I do that in my situation where we would have to plan well in advance to get a babysitter??
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
just thinking and needed to let out a bit...........
so I'm reading some of the success stories and it is making me feel like there is hope. Detaching is NOT easy, and I'm trying to get through it. Maybe searching for hope is not a good thing when I'm trying to detach, but some days that little bit of hope is what gets me through the day and keeps me being able to ace "as if" I am happy to continue my life by myself.
Honestly, deep down I know that it gets better over time as I went through a heartbreak years ago. it took me about 10 years to finally open my heart (which was to my wife) and trust again.
I fear the uncertainty, but am trying to stay in the moment and realize that the future has not been determined yet and i cannot control my wife's decision. I can only control what I do and hope she realizes that we can be BETTER than ever together.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
The wife seems very distracted today. When I got up, she was reading to my daughter and looked like eyes were bothering her.... and as soon as my daughter saw me she jumped off mommy's lap and wanted me to read to her. Not sure if that started it or not. She has been pretty quiet and playing w her hair "looking for split ends) much more than normal. I asked if she was ok and she said she was just tired and her knees hurt. Tried conversation about work but she kept it pretty short. I asked what time her class started and she said she wasn't going. She was all hung Ho yesterday about the class....
Oh well, I just went on my way and made dinner , cleaned up and now cooking my lunches for the week.
Maybe she will offer to talk later. ....really bothers me to see her upset about something. ....feels like something is bothering her....not just tired.
Guess just keep the "as if" going
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
not pushing, just tried initiating conversation a couple times but just let it go after I see that she obviously wasn't into it. I actually kept the smiles going all evening, played with our daughter while laughing and made a few jokes to the wife.
I'm actually pretty impressed that I am able to do that. a month or two ago there is NO WAY I could have held it together.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
I know i'm making excuses, but i fee pretty bothered.