Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
Don't bash it. Look at it this way: You would not choose to have your H leave you, but the fact that he did has pushed you through doors that you didn't even know to look for, such as learning the skills to listen to your friend.
Now you have this job that you wouldn't have chosen. What doors will it open for you? Will you go through them with the same enthusiasm you've shown here?
The essence of feel the fear and do it anyway is to be curious about the unexpected blessings that come from embracing adversity. It's kind of cool to find yourself in uncharted territory. Isn't it a nice change from thinking you know what the next ten years are going to look like? Anything is possible from here.
(You know sometimes I'm pep-talking myself when I say these things... :D)
I was thinking "I wonder if Maybell's read this to herself?"
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
It's H's weekend with D. We all spent the day together yesterday at the pumpkin patch and he invited me to see BoxTrolls. His first invitation to me since BD. I didn't read too much into it because it was likely D's idea.
I talked to D tonight before bed. She had an amazing day. They hung out with old friends of H's from when he was a kid. They have triplet daughters just 1 year older than D.
Something hit me while i was talking to her and I started to cry. Ugh. CRY while on the phone with D. I freaking hate this limbo.
It's only human to want to know answers, to want to talk through a limbo situation. I feel like it's moderate torture to sit around waiting for someone to make notice of you and your changes when things like CHILDREN and my heart and our lives are hanging in the balance. Waiting around is NOT humane! I just want to kick H and tell him "DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING?" He's making me hate him.
I realize that compared to many other people's situations, mine is relatively straight forward (no clear, defined MLC or OW, we get along ok, we're great coparents, etc) so saying I am starting to hate my H after all many of your H's and W's have done and said to all of you makes me feel like I'm a spoiled princess but it's still painful. Excruciating to sit around waiting for him to decide whether or not I'm worthy while I hone and perfect my relationship skills with a tiny bit of hope to get to share them with HIM for the sake of our family!!
I could scream. I am so over this [censored] but there's nothing I can do to speed it up or for H to see that he's wasting away a perfectly good W and great times with our family. Why can't get "find himself" while living at home?! Get over his anger while living at home?! I have to. I have to do all that while not getting to escape my life.
I need to find something harmless to throw around for a bit.
Ugh, I hate that i have these periodic tantrums. And there's no better way to describe what they are. They are childish, immature tantrums of me basically saying "this isn't fair" and "but I don't want it this way"!!!
Claire, I know you're right. I do. I really, really do but how do we know it's worth all this work? How? What if it's not?
Ss, take a look at my last week and my overall sitch. It is nearly identical. No MLC, no OM, we're friendly, coparenting great. Yet I have become angry at WAW after she has been increasingly cold and short. I've had to distance myself just to preserve my love.
Not that I'd wish there was OM in the picture, but in some ways this feels worse. The solutions are right there on the table, 100% salvageable M. The only thing holding it back is the decision of the WAS. And we all deserve that chance (LBS, kids and even WAS). Why not try, WAS??? So I know exactly how you feel. I don't think you're being a "princess", unless I'm also being one
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Just getting caught up on you. Tough to have a good visit with H and then go back to the solitude and confusion. I completely understand that.
This:
Quote:
Excruciating to sit around waiting for him to decide whether or not I'm worthy while I hone and perfect my relationship skills with a tiny bit of hope to get to share them with HIM for the sake of our family!!
It reads to me, that your focus is still very much on H.
Not one drop of your worth depends on another person's decision. Not one.
You are a special one, Ss. Your intuition, humor, tenacity....you're really doing great with a horrible set of circumstances.
The R skills, and all the self-work you are doing, really needs to be for you. Regardless of H.
The key in saving your sanity, is to focus on you. Work hard to get more detached. Use this time to discover....not only R skills, but who is Ss? Dig deep and learn about YOU. It is so important.
It takes time. Keep going, Ss. You'll get there, I know it.
