I think my last thread is locked, so starting anew.
Not much to report. Radio silence from H this week. Ditto from me, since I'm in NC mode. He left town without specifying what day and when he would pick up D14 (D14 had to text him to figure it out). Trying to stay detached and not care. Some days are harder than others.
In other news, I rocked the banjo in church today. Also, a really nice guy from one of my meetup groups who has been telling me about the crazy chocolates he makes (white chocolate wasabi with black lava salt) is making me a special box of chocolates, which he's bringing to the next meetup. Don't worry, I'm not dating or planning to date, but it's nice to have interest, and a possible new friend -- and chocolate, of course.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Ahoy, how are you doing with the consistency of detachment? From the outside it sounds like you're doing great. I have been on a roller coaster of detachment. 3-4 days I feel ready for anything, then I'll have one thought and fall off the rails.
I'm jealous of the chocolate...
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
raliced, Maybe one day our paths will cross and we can celebrate getting through this rough patch while listening to some awesome polka! (And yes, banjo is my new obsession -- I also play cello, guitar, uke, fiddle, and theremin -- in varying degrees of amateur-ness.)
Card, I wish I could say I was consistent with the detachment. Some days I do really well, other days I manage to sink into a deep funk. Honestly, I'm not even sure why I get so down, because, all in all, everything is okay. I'm doing fine on my own, just mourning the idea of the marriage and not being able to provide my daughter with the family experience I had growing up with married parents. So I'm sad about the loss of illusion. But life does go on, and years down the road this will have just been another chapter in my life. There will be others, and I'm excited about the new people and experiences that await me. And I'm not going to sit around waiting to find them either!
I will wait to see how things evolve with H, I will be patient, but I am just choosing not to hop aboard his crazy train. I have my own train to guide.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I'm not even sure why I get so down, because, all in all, everything is okay. I'm doing fine on my own, just mourning the idea of the marriage and not being able to provide my daughter with the family experience I had growing up with married parents. So I'm sad about the loss of illusion. But life does go on, and years down the road this will have just been another chapter in my life.
I think it's completely ok to mourn and grieve the loss. I'm sad over the loss of my wife. It's almost like a death but strangely worse.
I admire your strength, courage, and insight, Ahoy.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Well, that was short-lived. After dropping off D14's boyfriend I had to drive by H's street to get to the restaurant where we went to eat and his car was there. Um. He's supposed to be out of town, which is why he asked me to keep D14 another night. So my mind goes to the idea that he has OW at his place and chooses to spend time with her over D14, and also lies to my face (I know this should not surprise me -- I know he is lying and having an affair -- I deserve honesty, right?) Also, it is hurtful to D14. I didn't even look for his car as we drove by -- D14 noticed it on her own.
ARGH!!!!
I am angry.
At the same time, what a jerk -- why would I want to be with someone like that!?
He is a liar and a cheat.
I am ready for January so I can be done with him. We can have a nice cheap dissolution, and I can thank the OW for "taking out the trash."
Good riddance!!!!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Ahoy, did he fly out of town? Any possibility he got a ride to the airport or any possibility he's in a rental car. Any chance he is in fact out of town and his car is still here?
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Ahoy. He's having an affair...but maybe he's out of town in OW car?
I know; it's relative. And only you can know when you are truly ready for it to be over.
Your protective mama instinct is in overdrive! I know that my W's selfish actions really only overwhelm me now when I think about how many people are being affected. And she's (just) having an emotional affair.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
It's entirely possible that he got a ride to the airport and left truck behind. BUT even though he told me he was going out of town, he didn't say anything about it to D14, even when she texted a direct question about it to him. So I think he doesn't want to lie to her, but of course is more than willing to lie to me.
You're right though -- it's irrelevant because he's having an affair, either way, I'm sure.
Whatever. I really need to detach and not care. He makes it easy to hate him!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Ahoy, I get caught up in this trap myself where I get so angry because I need to detach.
The the WAS's mind (or a least mine) the relationship was over the moment they decided it was in their own head. So anything they do after that is not wrong. We view the situation completely differently and therefore view all of it as being against the M and this is how the self torment starts. I'm guilty as charged. And man, I get set off quick by stuff like this too.
Hang in there and detach.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
