Quick update..... last night was rough for the wife because my daughter was up all night and then she had to go to work today. I had to get gas and money for babysitter on the way home from work so I got a coffee for my wife. When I got home she was rushing and behind and had to leave quickly for wirk. She seemed extremely thankful for the coffee because she didn't have time to stop for one or even pack he lunch. I wished her a good day and that was it. About a half hour later she text me "thank you very much for my coffee, sorry I was in such a hurry".....weird....but ok....I'll take the positive.
Tonight we went to dinner and I kept the positive attitude and practiced active listening by repeating what she said in my own words. Even though she had been pretty distant this week, she opened up and told me about her whole week. It was nice to have the small talk. I ordered a margarita. ...which I never do .....she did the same....it really threw her off when I ordered a meal that I've never had. (I always order the same foods when out)
maybe the small bit of alcohol helped, but either way....it was relaxing and seemed very comfy.
now its time to chill at home for the evening. I had thought about going out, but instead I told my wife since she was tired and had a rough week...I would take care of my daughter all night if she gets up. She said I don't have to claim it because she is used to getting no sleep. Rather than my normal response to her sarcasm.....I just said "I don't mind ...really! " once again....she was thrown off.
I know it's all part of the roller coaster, but I'll take all the positive times I can get!
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
good job dying. you'll find that every time you buck your old trends, it gets easier. unfortunately sometimes the WAS up their attacks to try to get you to respond. DON'T!
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
"good job dying. you'll find that every time you buck your old trends, it gets easier. unfortunately sometimes the WAS up their attacks to try to get you to respond. DON'T!"
Yes they do! Good job, dying.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
This evening was quiet. Earlier in the day I asked if she had any plans and she said no. I asked if she would feel like renting a movie or play a game. She said "maybe if it's early because I'm pretty tired"
After I put my daughter to bed, I came downstairs and my wife was watching her show. No biggie....we had a good evening at dinner. So I just made some popcorn and watched the show. When it was over (it's on netflix) she shut it off and it was 9 pm. It was silent .....it's chose not to say anything since I had planted the seed earlier. After about 5 min of silence, she asked if I still wanted to play a game. So we played a card game. It was somewhat quiet but not awkward .....so, I turned on the automatic random laser pointer for the cat to chase around. C'mon, let's face it.....who isn't going to have fun watching that????
I brought up that I took my daughter to gymnastics last week (she insisted only one of us needed to go because she was mad) and asked if she wanted to take her this week because I had planned on going to an open karate class around the same time. She agreed. I inquired about plans for the following weekend and told her I may have to work. She said that she was thinking of hanging out w a coworker (female). I just said ok, cool. But you may need to find a sitter because it will be my weekend to work. And asked if they had specific plans or just going out and wing it? She said a few of the girls from work may goto a haunted house about an hour away. Normally I would ask for a ton of details......I stopped myself.
Honestly, I did consider the fact that MAYBE the male coworker I accused her of having EA w may be going....but I just buried that thought and told her I haven't been to a haunted house in years and I hope they have fun.
We finished the game, she said good night and went to bed.
Now I'm going to watch a movie and talk to my buddy jim......Jim beam. No worries, not getting drunk. ....just a mixed drink.
All in all, I think it was a "good" day.
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
I really want to have my wife read the article "the marriage map" from the home page. It makes so much sense and I can relate exactly! I have been through the stages and feel I'm starting stage 4 since my wife and I have brought our issues to head. However, I feel my wife is stuck in stage 3 and really fear she has fallen into the divorce trap
Trying to remain positive. I just hope our next MC session is positive and she either needs more time and wants to at least continue where we are or makes a breakthrough and says she wants to try piecing us back together. It would be so much easier if it wasn't one sided.
I know, I know. ...wishful thinking. ..... but I can't give up
Hoping for a good day again ..... going to an event w our daughter....shoukd be a fun time. Must stay focused on positive thoughts! Must eliminate expectations!
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
Well, the place we had to go wad a TWO hr drive....I thought it was one hr. Just made for a longer silence. Minimal conversation.
Daughter had a great time. At first I started getting anxious inside about not being able to at least hold my wife's hand....especially when being around a lot of couples that seem happy . The wife started getting frustrated w my daughter and I almost gave in and got mad. But I kept my cool (barely) and turned to what few minor positives I could dig up......my daughter was smiling. ...I love her smile......and I was there w my wife and daughter. Even though she has told me she doesn't love me and I hurts like hell to just coexist beside her.....she is still there and hasn't left .
On our way home now....In silence
I guess it's better than sitting home alone 1
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
Should I assume my wife is on an emotional roller coaster like I am? She is still considered a WAW even though we still live ttogether right?
I'm having a REALLY bad day and getting lots of negative thoughts. I really REALLY would love to have just a hug from her and really want to ask her for it.......Assuming that would be a step back ?
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
Should I assume my wife is on an emotional roller coaster like I am? She is still considered a WAW even though we still live ttogether right?
I'm having a REALLY bad day and getting lots of negative thoughts. I really REALLY would love to have just a hug from her and really want to ask her for it.......Assuming that would be a step back ?
Dying, from everything I have seen/read, yes they do EVENTUALLY get on the rollercoaster in most cases.. I think it boils down to the fact that the WAW does not want to show it though.. Maybe one of the vets will correct me, but that's how I see it..
Yes, asking for a hug would be a step back as it is showing neediness, and that is unattractive to the WAW (or women in general).. We have all been where you are, and most of us are still there.. I would like some affection at times from my W at times too, but one thing we have to remember is that we need to show them we are all good, even when we are not..
Keep your head up and strong.. Remember, the bad days are like a cigarette craving when you are quitting.. If you pull through that craving without giving in, the next one won't be so bad and it will eventually get A LOT better..
Me:35 W:31 S6 + S9 T: 10 years M: 7 years BD: 7/2014 S: 8/2014 W has new BF: 12/2014 Still fighting the good fight!!..
I had some horrible dreams last night. I guess the positive side is I actually slept? Almost was in tears this morning. Got up early and did the weekly grocery shopping. ....never looked at my list but remembered everything. ...haven't done that in years....that's positive#2 I guess....
I did take my vitamins and an herb that I've been using for anxiety (Kava root) , ate breakfast and having coffee.....starting to feel better. My wife should be getting up soon.....let the day begin.....
Ugh
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
I don't think my wife has hardly ever seen me do any cooking other than breakfast on weekends or the occasional instant brownie mix. Unless you count steaks or burgers on the grill......
Anyway, this morning I made two pumpkin rolls from scratch.....she didn't even know what to say. When she got home from work they were in the fridge and asked where I got them ....I said "I made them"..... she paused and her eyes opened a bit wider and said "you did?!?!?"
me-42 w-33 d-3 together-6 m-4yr 6/1/14-w check out 6/15/14-EA? 8/1/14-mc 9/1/14-IDLY-started DBing 9/15/14-w suggest separation 10/17/14 wife is done 12/13/2014 - wife move out me file 1/1/15
