Putting my life back together

[NewLeaf]

You guys are so great, thanks Ahoy and Jim. I think it will definitely help with the detaching. I was willing to live in kind of a limbo state where we were together and I was able to show positive changes, but the trip she went on with him a couple of weeks ago was a turning point for me. I don't think I could continue to live with myself going on four months with her in the house and carrying on without really building up resentment on my part. Now I really have a chance to be true to myself, to turn the page and really focus on the changes I want to make without having to think about how I need to act around her on a daily basis.

Thanks again everyone for the support. This would all be so much harder and more scary without this site.

[NewLeaf]

Feeling better now a couple of days removed. Big adjustment, but it is easier to have the house to myself. I really miss her though.

In our last conversation when she left I told her that I wasn't willing to be friends, while OM is in her life, that it would be too painful. She seemed genuinely confused about this, asking why and crying hysterically, which was so painful to see and so hard to not try to comfort her. She came back to the house at least once when I wasn't around to pick up some stuff. She's emailed me a couple of times, just forwarding things she thought I would find interesting. I haven't responded yet, and don't think I will, it was more just informational and didn't include a question. Don't know how to navigate this, I don't think I will respond at all unless it is something to do with the house or the mediation. I don't want to mislead her into thinking we will have a relationship after our divorce if she truly pursues it, I just don't think I can do that.

I am leaving tonight for Toronto for the weekend with my brother and a couple friends. Going to the hockey Hall of Fame, and catching a Leafs/Penguins game. Will be nice to put some distance between all this, shut off the phone for the weekend, and have some time away.

[Card29]

You're doing the right thing not responding. If you're not interested in an open R or a friendzone, then stick to it. Don't fill her remaining EN's through the darkness. It will only keep the heart of the A beating longer. And it will also keep you from being detached.

NewLeaf, I'm hurting for you this morning! But stick to your guns. They are much better than our instincts.

[1foot2]

Weekend sounds great. Go Leafs.

Definitely doing the right thing. Her reaction shows the reality is hitting her fantasy of her still having you to fill all her needs save for that as H. Let her feel that for a good while.

[NewLeaf]

Thanks Card, 1foot2,
Yeah I'm not too worried about her pain honestly, I'm more worried about the part where she gets over it and moves on.

As far as the Leafs, I'm a B's fan first, but can't wait to go to a hockey game in Canada. I watched my dad play every Sunday morning growing up, so it's always been a big part of my life. Seeing a game in Canada and the HOF in the same weekend is going to be awesome.

[NewLeaf]

It has been a long time since I've posted, but I wanted to come back and drop a note in here since this is one of the resources that really helped me get through some of the worst months of my life. I couldn't be more happy to see the end of 2014 and don't think there is any part of it I would ever revisit. It was a confusing, painful, awful year.

My wife moved out in November, and I haven't talked to her since, except to email about meeting with the mediator, so there hasn't been much to report back here. I'm currently living by myself in the house, and will soon have a roommate, an old friend from high school and college who just happened to be looking for a new place to stay while he looks for a house. We've had our first meeting with the mediator and are moving forward with the divorce, likely finalized sometime in June.

My GAL and 180 activities are still going strong:
- Dance classes: Absolutely love, going a couple of times a week when I can, learning many different dances and have just had a blast
- Volunteering: Have done a few more activities, also donated blood and/or platelets a couple of times
- Running/working out every day: Slipped here a little, although I've been dancing a lot and still get a few workouts in each week
- Going back for my MBA this fall: This has been awesome, love the classes, love my group, got my grades back for the fall semester and did really well, can't wait to start up again next week
- Will make at least 3 meals a week: Still cooking a lot, made a Kefta Tagine this week that came out amazing
- Will leave no clutter behind and help keep things neat: House has been spotless, actually a lot easier to do when you're by yourself, bought some house plants so I would remember to open the window shades and have enjoyed the extra light and fresher air.
- Skiing: Got out a few times already this year with friends and family, probably won't go to many more times between school and budget constraints, but a lot of fun.

Have also spent a lot more time with family, and connecting with friends. I feel like I have better relationships with them than I have in a long time. I'm definitely sad about the way my marriage ended/is ending, but I've come to a point where I am ready for it to end, and I know for sure I will be okay when all of this is over. I'm ready to take on the new year, move on and dance, learn, and explore new challenges. I don't know how much, if any of this, I would have done if I hadn't gone through this. In a way it really was a gift. It wasn't what I wanted, but maybe it was what I needed. I don't know what the future holds, but for the first time in a long time I'm truly excited to find out.

Thanks to all who put in your precious time helping people on this board, and to those just starting out, know that it really does get better, even if there's no possible way it seems like it could. You'll get through this, keep up with your GAL's and your 180's, and you'll be stronger for it. Wishing you all the best in the new year.

*cheers*

[gan]

Newleaf, Great to hear from you. Thanks for stopping by and letting us know where things are at. Sounds like you are in a great place. Good on you!