Not much progress

[Maybell]

You can be offended as you want. I've been dealing with a sitch as bad as yours for twice as long and I never once hit anyone, let alone while involving my kids. I didn't restrain myself because I wasn't incited to violence. I restrained myself because violence is neither ok nor constructive, and my husband is not a possession to be fought over like a bone between two dogs.

And it has not yet worked in your favor. You are deluding yourself.

But fear not, I won't intrude on your thread again.

[Tarheel]

Dawgy, what myself, Maybell and a few others were trying to say was that yes- OM is probably out of the picture now because of your actions. He came to the realization that his girlfriend/mistress/whatever's H has quite a temper and he didn't want to have to deal with that.

What we're trying to get you to realize is that OM was not your problem. It's difficult for me to berate for your actions when I have those same type of feelings towards my W's OM, but the important thing is that you realize you even though you may feel 'better' now, you didn't resolve any of the issues that caused your M to fail in the first place. Or why your W had an A. If anything, I'd take a guess that you took a pretty big step or two backwards in your DBing. I get it- I've had that same thought process you have now- if only OM wasn't in the picture...

I don't know the dynamics of your M, but it's hard for me to believe that your W was attracted to your behavior. However, you can't change what happened, but you can decide how you want to handle things going forward, and for your case, I hope you handle things calmer than you did. Be the spouse only a fool would leave, not the spouse to be feared.

[Card29]

Maybe it was actually your S being there, OM seeing firsthand how he was hurting a child, that caused him to flip.

Again, we all want what's best for you and for every M here. This could very well work out in your favor. But if OM2 or OM1.2 starts, just be aware that violence is almost certainly the wrong path at that point. If she's impressed by it, it will be the first time. If she rejects you again, it's time to go dark or file.

And yes, it is possible to go dark with children. Write up a legal agreement for childcare, have all necessary communication through an intermediary, and one of you move out (preferably the wayward spouse).

Best of luck, dawgy! You were the first story I read on here back in July and it gave me hope. On that day you were full of self confidence that you would be okay regardless. I truly wish you the best.

[MrBond]

"Too many guys on here are acting like whimps and letting their wives and OM s carry on like we are weak Pu$$ies ."

That's your interpretation. Just because the LBS doesn't physically confront the OP doesn't mean they're pussies. Not to mention it's illegal.

"This is not for everyone but the OM had no reason to back down"

Seriously? You don't see why he would? Your SON attacked him too. That was probably more messed up than you attacking him.

"I dont condone violence but I honestly say I was beyond control."

And what if you had accidentally killed him? What if your son did? There are too many incidences of that happening in the news that you don't seem to be bothered by.

"However please realize I am a good man and never assaulted anyone in the past"

Until now. So you are no longer a "good man".

"and I was truly sorry my son witnessed that and Ive talked to him extensively about how thats not the way to solve problems ."

Sure doesn't sound like it the way you're bragging about it in your posts.

"And I am in no way suggesting that every LBS go out and beat up the AP but I am suggesting that the AP is a lot bigger problem than is suggested on this forum."

Then you haven't learned anything. Not only on this forum but in statistic after statistic, it shows that the majority of A's fizzle out on their own. That's because it's not the A that causes the breakup of the M. It's the individuals in the M that is the cause of the breakup. Not only have you not learned to change (which includes letting go of anger and resentment), you've left a lifelong mark on your son. If you think he's going to forget what you did and that he won't do that in his own relationships, you're incredibly naive.

Look, I understand how you felt. Hell, when my W was in her own A, I felt like beating up the OM also. EVERYONE feels that way. Just because they choose not to doesn't make them a pussy.

I can guarantee you that if the OM is out of the picture because of what you did, she'll find someone else.

Why are you even here? If you want a D, you might as well fill out the papers yourself and end it. Make it a clean break.

[FunDad]

Welp. You are redefining the term DB'ing to a literal sense I think. I admire your tenacity and drive Dawg, that's for dang sure; however, there are a lot of guys sitting in prison right now that had their moment also who wish more that anything they could go back for another chance. If you can get some help to convert that energy into something positive, it will be a force to be reckoned with.

FD.

[dawgy]

Well guys and Gals i appreciate all the feedback and I KNOW ive done wrong by being violent because it is risky and illegaland just downright not the way to handle my sitch . BUT I did it and I cant change what Ive done . You all have made it clear that it was wrong . And my perception of the incident is coming clearer now . I feel as if i was in a fog from that point until late last night before i truly came down into reality .
Yes she is still in our home and the OM is supposably gone . Where do I go from here . I feel I have to start from scratch . Im soo messed up . If I only had have shown up ten minutes later none of this incident would have happened , but just my luck she had to be there and the OM too . Why ? Why lord did I have to show on the scene at that time , I have the worst luck . Even if i hadnt have assaulted him and pretended not to see them I would be tore up inside still at this time . It s not fair that fate made me show up on the scene at that moment .
Anyway I truly feel like the ground is crumbling beneath my feet and Im balancing on one leg . What can I do to get back on solid ground ?? Dawgy is not a bad man . He never ever wanted all this , he just wanted a happy family living a modest clean , safe life .

[Tarheel]

Dawgy, I'm the last person who should probably be giving advice, but I wanted to commend you for recognizing your wrongs and the desire to move forward differently. As I know all too well, it's easy to get caught up in your emotions and act upon them.

[PeterV2]

Dawgy, take a deep breath. You need to calm yourself and get back to your plan. Sure it was a setback in some ways, and maybe there was some positive that came out of it. Just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and get back with the program. Review Sandi's rules. Detach. Spend loving quality time with your kids. Continue to work on being the H only a fool would leave.

What happened is now in the past & can't be changed. Don't beat yourself up over it. You can only learn from it. Perhaps a session with an IC would help you focus. I highly recommend it. I've gone to my IC after crises. It does help.

[MrBond]

What has your interactions with your W been since the beating?

[dawgy]

Very little interaction . But i will say before the incident she wasnt cooking for me or doing my laundry , Nada . But now she is . She made dinner for me and the boys last night and even kept mine separate because i like it different . And she did my laundry .But oddly she was making my tea in the morning all along but now she doesnt . She has me very puzzled at this point . I did tell her i had wished the incident had not have happend , and I left it at that . Anyway I know shes hurting through this whole dam mess and i really feel for her and i just want to hug her and tell her its gonna be alright . But shes not in her right mind anymore . She has told me she regrets ever starting the affair and that she never dreamed it would get so out of control . I dont think most people do think about the ripple effect that comes when an affair is discovered . I know she wants to stop this but she believes she cant . It truly is like a drug addiction.
I need to somehow control myself until she gets through withdrawl of in the event they get back together let the A die a natural death . But I dont know if I can last that long . My emotions are wound tight as a guitar string . Its only been 10 months and i feel used , disrespected , tortured , abused in so many ways i cant count . How can I go any futher .
I made an appointment to see an IC for Tues.