Not much progress

[dawgy]

Mr Bond maybe you can explain to me how my actions would be the same as a cowardly sheep rather than a lion protecting his pride . A lion roars and attacks the intruder the sheep lays down and cries and succumbs to death .

[Maybell]

Or she may move on to OM2. She's not going to be your fan for upending her life like that.

[PeterV2]

OM has told her he doesn't think its going to work between them and he wants to go back to his wife and try again

Hey, you never know how people assess their life interactions. I guess the OM saw the a$$kicking as a wake up call. It still remains to be seen how W evaluates it. If I were you I'd just be the happy-tune-whistling, PMA, fun guy around her for now. Don't even mention it. If she mentions it I would maybe say something like "I'm sorry you had to witness that - I'm not normally like that, but I let my emotions get the better of me." But I wouldn't bring it up.

You're quite the character, Dawgy. Keep cool.

[Card29]

Keep us posted. Everyone here wants the best for you. Violence in most cases is the worst response. It usually drives a wayward spouse in OM/OW's arms

Let me recap the timeline and then let you look at it from a different angle:

- Saturday you assaulted OM. I can't really blame you for the outburst because I may have done the same thing if I just happened to catch them like that

- Monday she tells you it's over for your M

- Today (or yesterday?) he ends the A

For one, I'd take the ending with a grain of salt. It's been less than a day, and there are plenty of sitches here who've went through multiple restarts with the same OM.

Secondly, maybe the OM was finally pushed past the fun, honeymoon phase. He saw something other than sex and light companionship coming soon, so he was forced to chose between two real relationships instead of one real one (his M) and a fantasy R (the A). This would have been caused by your W telling OM she was ending your M, not by the assault.

If that is the case, the same outcome could have happend sooner had you set a boundary and not agreed to a cake-eating, open R, which is what living with her and trying to be her friend while she is openly in an A. If you had kicked her out and went dark, the A would have went from fantasy to reality for OM much sooner.

Assaulting OM is not a guaranteed marriage-ended. My neighbor recently told me about how, 18 years ago, he found out about an A between his W and the next door neighbor. He beat the crap out of him in the driveway, the A ended, OM and his W moved, and he was able to reconcile (before getting divorced 10 years later). But I don't think violence was what solved that sitch, either. It was the exposure to OMW. Now OM had to choose, and he was not interested in spending the rest of his life with his A partner. He just wanted sex. Your OM also probably only wanted sex and decided to end it once it became clear it was going to be more than that.

Also, it doesn't take courage to act on aggressive emotion. The real courage is doing what is proven to be best even when every fiber of your body wants to do the opposite and tear someone apart.

[labug]

You have a higher brain that a lion doesn't have. We're supposed to learn how to control those lower brain reactions. That's what makes us human.

[dawgy]

Well for starters . OM didnt end the A because wife told him marriage was over . She told him that six months ago . Shait man this has been going on for almost a year dude . He packed it in because he got his ass kicked by me and the boy and Im sure he was worried about the older boy too . You can dress it whatever way you want to Card29 but the bottom line is hes out . Yes I know its early and maybe they will get back together , who knows but hes got some serious opposition that he never really had before .
Maybell , are you for real ???? me upending her life lololo that is funny . Shes the one that upended our whole family , Shes responsible . What ever I did wrong in the marriage I accept but it was still no reason to have an A . She could have lfet long ago and then met him and this would be a whole different story . And yes she may very well move onto OM2 , OM3 ,OM4 who knows but OM1 has left the building .
And going dark wasnt an option when we are living together with boys not knowing the scoop . Peter my Man , thanks for the support and yes I agree 100 percent if she brings it up I will use that sentence . Thank you , that is a well thought out response instead of a baglicking apology . Dawgy

[Maybell]

Well, good luck to you. I wouldn't want to be married to you. What I just read from you is repulsive. You're congratulating yourself for acting like a teenaged bully and showing zero interest in your wife's perspective. Ick.

[SunnyB]

^^^this^^^

[labug]

So Dawgy, you get angry and offend and alienate good people who are trying to help you? Why?

[dawgy]

lololo Ease up guys/gals . This is a forum for discussion . Im not angry or offended except by Maybell . Shes got me painted as a high school bully over one incident that happened purely out of emotion caused by my wifes abuse towards me for the last 10 months .I guess its ok to mentally abuse your spouse for ten months and they should not show any emotions or want to fight back . I acknowledged that is was the wrong thing to do . But it worked in my favor . Im no worse off than i was for sure .