Can I get her back??..

[LoveMyW]

Basically, should I just play it as it happens, or stick to a plan??..

[LoveMyW]

Well good deed done for the day.. As part of my GAL, I decided to help others whether less needy or not.. Well as I am moving, I had a cupboard full of in date, unopened food that I can't/don't want to take with me on my trek..

Lets just say a family of battlers with 5 kids are now feeling very happy, and I am feeling warm and fuzzy inside myself!!..


I've also had a thought that popped in to my head today, and I'm hoping that someone may have been in the same situation, or may be able to give their opinion on it..

Now, as I've stated, I copped the ILYBNILWY after we moved states to a place where neither of us know.. Here is the question, could the move or more homesickness for that matter caused W to drop the bomb??.. I know it may not be the only thing, or anything to do with it, but like most of us my WAS never really gave any indication before the move (the more I think of it, the more there weren't even signs) so it just got me thinking..

[LoveMyW]

Well I'm not going to lie, today has been plain straight F'ed up..

Packing things up for my move, and realising that I have to throw away or sell half of the stuff myself and W have worked hard for the last 10 years to acquire.. I just couldn't fit it all in, and can't book a trailer etc..

To top it off, W seems to be a bit distant toward me in our convo's today, although that could be because I am coming across a little stressed due to the issues I have come up with with moving.. PMA has taken a hammering, but in 3 days time I will have the kids and that gives me something to look forward to..

I intend to be looking my absolute best when I get there to see them.. The hair is cut, the body is trimmed (separation diet works wonders!!), the face is shaved and by that stage the PMA will be up there.. If not I'll fake it til I make it!!..

[LoveMyW]

Aaaannnddd to top off the night, I had a bit of a backslide talking with W..

One of the kids mentioned they had a sleepover at one of the W's friends place (she has kids roughly the same age and have known each other for years).. They have never had a sleepover there before so I asked if mum stayed too.. I heard her say in the background "why are you asking that"??..

Well after I got off the phone w/kids I called her and mentioned that they haven't slept over there before hence why I was wondering.. She said that she stayed there with them because she didn't want to catch a taxi home, so I asked if she had been drinking.. She said yes, and didn't want to risk driving..

My mind hasn't been with it today, so I fired back with "it seems like you are acting like a teenager all over again".. Well this started a line of conversation which led me to coming across as needy and probably other things (telling her I wanted us to work things out etc)..

I have mentioned to her previously that the last thing I wanted to do was annoy her, and it seems in this last talk I succeeded in doing that.. I could tell by her speech, and because she told me straight out.. I texted her later to apologise, and mentioned that I have been under a bit of stress with the packing etc.. I got a positive reply of that was fine..

I can't help but to mind read, but I'm thinking that she is thinking I am only coming back to stress her about R+M.. Back to square 1 I suppose..

[LoveMyW]

Well, the long drive went good, and I am awaiting the ferry for the overnight journey now.. Spoke to W and kids before getting here and to be honest, she seemed excited about my arrival.. Nothing was physically said, but tone of voice and demeanour gave it away..

Time to see if we can get this M possibly on the right track again (over time of course, but it is going to be easier being in a closer proximity).. If it doesn't happen, going to be a better man overall anyway thanks to the learnings from here!!..

I can't wait to see the look on the kids faces tomorrow afternoon.. They have no idea that I am coming back (my request to surprise them)!!..

[JCred]

I don't see where you have talked more about how your wife really felt about initially moving away from her family?? And I believe you said it was like 2000 miles....And now you are moving back yourself... like it is no big deal..

Do you or did you understand how important moving away from family and friends really is to some women? Men usually don't feel quite the same when moving. We usually view it as more of an adventure and when our minds have decided we want an adventure we tend to not see how our wife truly feels. Sometimes the man tries "selling" his wife on the move despite her feelings deep down inside. She doesn't feel she can honestly reveal her deep thoughts about this because he just isn't hearing it...

Do you or can you see the difference in how this may have rocked her to her CORE????? Maybe even went along with you because you didn't or wouldn't listen to HER true feelings because she might say NO she didn't want to??? Then when she got there it all hit her that she wasn't going to do it for one minute more and that she had done it to please you and now she wasn't going to please you anymore?????



Who's idea was it to move?

I think you need to look deeper into this. It looks as though she never wanted to move away in the beginning and you could have just "sold" her on it by not allowing her to feel open and honest about her true feeling on moving.

You are coming across like someone who makes excuses for his behavior.... Twice you have made comments about your wife and then excused it... One was when you asked her if she was going out to drink and then said you were only joking.. the other time was when you asked the kids if she stayed all night with them at the sleepover and then said the reason you asked that was because they had never slept over there before...

To be quite frank with you, I don't believe your excuses for a minute. AND neither did she... You were prying...

I don't think you are being totally honest about yourself with us or with yourself here.....

Please read 25's thread about her husband wanting to move to Alaska and how she viewed it versus how she says he viewed it...

Food for thought....

[LoveMyW]

I don't see where you have talked more about how your wife really felt about initially moving away from her family?? And I believe you said it was like 2000 miles....And now you are moving back yourself... like it is no big deal..

Do you or did you understand how important moving away from family and friends really is to some women? Men usually don't feel quite the same when moving. We usually view it as more of an adventure and when our minds have decided we want an adventure we tend to not see how our wife truly feels. Sometimes the man tries "selling" his wife on the move despite her feelings deep down inside. She doesn't feel she can honestly reveal her deep thoughts about this because he just isn't hearing it...

Do you or can you see the difference in how this may have rocked her to her CORE????? Maybe even went along with you because you didn't or wouldn't listen to HER true feelings because she might say NO she didn't want to??? Then when she got there it all hit her that she wasn't going to do it for one minute more and that she had done it to please you and now she wasn't going to please you anymore?????



Who's idea was it to move?

I think you need to look deeper into this. It looks as though she never wanted to move away in the beginning and you could have just "sold" her on it by not allowing her to feel open and honest about her true feeling on moving.

You are coming across like someone who makes excuses for his behavior.... Twice you have made comments about your wife and then excused it... One was when you asked her if she was going out to drink and then said you were only joking.. the other time was when you asked the kids if she stayed all night with them at the sleepover and then said the reason you asked that was because they had never slept over there before...

To be quite frank with you, I don't believe your excuses for a minute. AND neither did she... You were prying...

I don't think you are being totally honest about yourself with us or with yourself here.....

Please read 25's thread about her husband wanting to move to Alaska and how she viewed it versus how she says he viewed it...

Food for thought....

JCred, thanks for your reply..

Now to answer your questions.. First up, I didn't think it was required to speak about the move as it was a joint decision, and was planned 6-8 months before we moved.. It was something that we both saved for, and were looking forward to.. It was W who initially got the ball rolling be expressing her interest in making the move.. Given this, I think it makes your point regarding "rocking her to her core" to be moot, but please feel free to correct me if you think I am missing something in HER idea rocking HER so much..

The only thing I can think is that once we were there that she got homesick..

If that is the impression you get about my sitch, then you have read me all wrong.. I'm not sure how you run your life, and I haven't seen your name on this board before this comment, but if you knew me and my W personally, you would know that the kids have NEVER slept over anywhere other than families houses (grandparents, cousins etc).. Knowing this, and hearing they slept at a friend of W, of course I am going to ask a question as it has NEVER happened previously.. Once again, I beg you to correct me if I am wrong..

I'm wondering what your motives are behind your particular comments that you have made, but they don't seem helpful at all.. I don't really appreciate being told I am not being honest, when I have given all information about my sitch, and have answered any questions directed toward me honestly, and informatively..

I would really like to hear your reasoning behind your train of thought..

[LoveMyW]

Anyway, a great uniting with the kids today.. Tears did flow from all eyes, and now they are on a sleepover with me for the rest of the week.. Had a fun day with them today (in between unpacking), and my PMA is through the roof ATM!!..

Went in with no expectations with W's reaction to seeing me, and tried to make it as less awkward as possible for her, and it seemed to work.. We had a coffee and good chat when I picked the kids up.. I did what was expected as I let her talk, and I made sure I listened.. I validated her comments, and kept eye contact with her whilst she spoke.. All in all it went well.. There was no physical contact although there did seem to be a little bit of good "tension" there..

She made a comment on how good I look, and I replied with "thank you, you are looking well yourself".. She also asked if I could put the light bulbs mentioned earlier when she picks S6+8 up to which I replied yes.. She then asked what I'd be coming for tea that night, and would I mind if she stayed for tea.. I said that would be fine as I would be sorting the kids out, so I'll just make a little more..

Now to make the most of the time with the kids!!..

[LoveMyW]

Well I'm beginning to wonder whether this is the place to ask for help or advice..

Could someone tell me what I am doing wrong??.. Is my sitch too complicated, am I not explaining things well enough, or it's just a case of no one cares??.. I try to keep everyone updated so they know where my sitch is at.. I've ordered and read DB and DR as everyone says on other post.. I have tried to join in other conversations and give support.. Is none of this good enough??..

I am getting hardly any replies or help so if I am burdening everyone just let me know..

[LoveMyW]

Got out with the kids today and had a great one!!..

Took them shopping with me (home stuff, a few toys for them here and a trip to the hardware store which they love!!), took them fishing (didn't get a nibble but it didn't matter to any of us) and took the dog to the park for a while..

Topped it off with homemade pizza for tea (I never make pizza from scratch but it turned out pretty well) and a movie.. S6 lasted 3/4 of the way through it, and S8 was wanting more, but I told him bed time..

Had a couple of texts from W today about logistical stuff, but nothing to really note..