It does get better, so do hang in there. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but it sounds like you handled it as well as possible, all things considered. Now just be sure to check in with you kids from time to time to see how they are doing emotionally. My H never asks my D how she's feeling because he's afraid of the answers, according to her. It makes her feel like her feelings don't matter, so I have to be the one to help her process those feelings. Look out for them.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Thanks Ahoy, bit mroe info, W and I had chat after and she thanked me for the way I dealt with kids (no blaming etc) and told me she has not slept in three days worrying about Chritmas and Birthdays and how sad it will all be. I told her we wil sort it. She then started to say she was making a mistake and she was going to wreck all the kids lives. I just told her if she really wanted to leave that much, knowing that she was upseting our children then she had to go. I told her my feelings for her had'nt changed since I first met her and I only wanted what was best for her. I did say I was worried about her choices but understood they were her choices to make. She was hanging around in the room with me as if she wanted to say more. Our D's were in her bed wating so I suggested she go up to them, she still hung around and I got up to sort out the dogs and she then left for bed. I presume she was feeling some guilt re her choices and I presume thats normal The situation going forward is that she will come home everyday to clean and cook for kids if she is not working and leave for her place once I come home. I have agreed for the next three weeks this is how it will work but I think more stucture is needed to settle kids. During talk she said if she had family near to go to she would not have taking her own place but I took that with a pinch of salt. I have contiuned with the 180s for the last 6 months now and its now routine.these include washing, load / unloading dish washer, cooking (very simple) dinners and the play with the kids ( which is fantastic) I also iron and hoover. As I said before I fear the marraige is over and its hard to stand. I will continue with GAL and seeing I/C but its very hard to keep PMA when you hae days like this. I know alot of people on this site know exactly how bad I feel but can I ask to anyone who has suceeded at DB, can the love ever comeback to where it was ? I really love my W and want to be with her and bring my family back but I struggle daily without the affection and caring that I once had.
Sounds like you said all the right things. And that she is struggling with her guilt, but there's little you can do about that except what you're already doing. It is hard to PMA on some days. I know I put on a brave face when I'm out and about, and of course in front of H. But it is like mourning a person who dies every day, over and over. There is the sad hope that this person might come back, and the daily disappointment is beyond difficult. Having no expectations is difficult. Embracing the unknown is difficult. The loneliness is difficult.
I have to tell myself that it won't last -- that I won't always feel this way. This will pass, eventually.
I wish it would speed up though. (Even though I'm supposed to be happy about the "gift of time.")
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Hi Ahoy, just posted on your thread. Thanks. My W does seem to be in a fog and has said same. My inlaws have told me W was psotive about M until I had run in with 'her friend". W is a phyiscal wreck at the moment and has a temper with me thats hard to belive. My W has convinced herself that she is the wronged party and that I have somehow won. Its very hard to understand as most nights she will sit with me and chat, share her thoughts etc and still be leaving today. On sunday we were watching a sitcom and a middle aged women came on the screen, the women was a little over weight and normal looking but she was shown a being a wreck regards looks and clothes. My W told me that how she feels and how everyone sees her. I know I am biased but I always thought my W was very attractive and don't understand her. I'm not taking to much from this but does this sound like a women in an affair. It doesnt to me but I suppose Im just grasping.
Hi all. W gone when I got home. Single parent now. Younger two in with me tonight and eldest very upset. Feels let down by his mum. Younger son seems to be taking it in his stride but I worry for him. No text from W and I'm sad. W has been a great W up until this and I'm grateful for that . Me and kids played cards and had a good time but house feels empty. Hope W choices work out for her and she ends up happy. W hold kids she is only going for a month or two and I think it's best they have some hope tomorrow is another day and who knows what it will bring.
Hi all. W back to visit kids. I had 4 texts today from her with the last one saying she still can't believe SHE left. She's home and I had dinner made for all including her. She's calling me honey and is impressed by 180 of cooking I know better than to read into this but I'm so sad at seeing her I hope this feeling will pass with time. Kids going to be sad when she leaves in a while.
Update. Hi all. W came back dinner was cooked so included her. Proper dinner. W. Dry impressed. Start calling me by nickname etc. she was uncomfortable to start but then seemed to settle. She then went up to her / spare room and had a shower and got in pj's Came down and chatted. I thought I had entered the twilight zone. She left yesterday. I knew she was coming to see kids but WTF. This morning she put her car on the internet to sell while I was there. I made no comment. Is this a typical WAW.
Hi Card. She left for the first time lTuesday.to sort out her mind. She text me yesterday to ask could she come and visit kids. I said they were her kids and it's her home she did not need to ask. She came home at 6pm and and stayed the night. She is at home now and will leave once I get home. I know that a WAW is not a type but I think it's a little weird I am not mind reading at all. I don't think she stayed for any other reason than for kids but she spent over an hour with me chatting. I'm the reason she had to leave to sort herself out. I was with I/C today and she thinks that W is very confused bit that I have to do me and look after kids to the best of my ability. Thanks for the comments
Hi all. Update. W. Took D,s to her new place last night to stay and came this pm to make dinner for all. I took S,s bowling and we had a good time She seemed very angry and confrontational so I stayed out of the way. She cornered me and told me I was doing the ironing wrong and a few other very small things wrong. I agreed and told her I was new to this housekeeping and was bound to make a few errors. She continued to criticise and my S15 came in and told her to let it go as it was nothing. W remained angry so I left telling her that I now longer wanted to argue and she could have some time alone with the kids. I explained to kids I was going out. W followers me outside and told me that she was very tired as she could not sleep in new place and she had no money and she missed kids. She went on to say I should sell my car and how great my life was. I got in my car and she said she would be gone in 20 mins I came back in 90 mins as agreed with kids and she was waiting for me. She apologised for the arguing and left. 40 mins later I got a text saying she was sooty but is was tough for us all. I didn't reply. My kids were sad so we had movie night. (Star Wars ) with popcorn and chocolate so we all had great time. Life goes on and my W has choosen a sad path but it is what it is. My kids are what's important and I see that and it helps me deal with my own sadness. Give it another few months and I will make someone a great wife. Lol
