Not much progress

[MrBond]

"He said " Dad whos that guy there with mom ? " I pulled in and jumped out and began to assalt him ,"

That's the dumbest thing I've heard anyone do on here in a long time. You NEVER lay a hand on the OP. It does push the WAS away AND you could have landed in jail which would have made the OM their father while you're incarcerated.

"then to make matters worse my son jumped in and got a few licks in also ."

You definitely win the Father Of The Year Award. Great job teaching your son that it's okay to assault someone. What you didn't wasn't the actions of a "lion". It was a cowardly sheep.

[Hoju]

Very bold strategy Dawgy, I would strongly advise against any sort of assaults in the future but don't beat yourself up over it to much. DBing is about finding what works and what doesn't work, it's about monitoring and analyzing results, I'm sure some women somewhere would find it quite a turn on that her man still has the fiery passion to throw down in a parking lot.... Although don't do it again regardless of W response, you've sent your message let it lie.

[u-turn]

Dawgy - you know that was not going to help you.

Teaching your son in this manner has to stop as it will perpetuate this kind of behavior.

How will you undo this with him? You have just taught him that it is ok to assault someone and ask questions later. This is not a small deal.

You know she's in an A. you know that there would be a possibility that you would see them together. You must have prepared yourself for this in some way and be at some level of detachment to not allow yourself to lose control.

I agree that you should go let her and go completely dark for your own sanity. Really evaluate if you can detach while you are living together - I don't think that is possible for myself either.

re-group.

[Card29]

I definitely could not live with W who is actively in an A either. I don't know how you've made it this far

[FunDad]

Hey Dawgy. When you walk in anger and hate, it only makes this worse.

Take a look at the jimmy evens series on unforgiveness again (google this). I promise you will feel better by then end of it.

You owe your W and the OM an apology. Two wrongs don't make a right. Something like this:

"I'm really sorry for my actions the other day. I acted inappropriately and was a bad example to my son. It won't happen again. I hope you can accept my apology for what happened. "

You do that - and you will be the one acting like a grown up. :-)

FD

[PeterV2]

Dawgy, the night I found my W in a hotel room back in Dec with OM I confronted her and asked her to come home with me but she went back into the hotel - she had to talk to him. I went home, cried and drank a lot and then in the morning waited in the hotel parking lot. When they came out I took a swing at him but missed. I told him I would expect him to try and hit me if he found me f**king his wife. I've never hit anyone in my life, and as it turns out that still applies (not that I didn't try).
Needless to say it was a major backslide and I was the a-hole and he was fawned over. It drove her into his arms. Lesson learned. After a tumultuous week I went 100% dark. Then she came to see me.

I know exactly how you felt in that parking lot. Too bad your son had to witness that. I think it would be good for both you and your son to go see an IC. I totally agree with FunDad that an apology to but the OM and W is appropriate. Make sure you word the apology well. (Read Gary Chapman's "When Sorry Isn't Enough" first).

I also agree that you should go dark (except for the apology). This is a backslide, but may not be a fatal one. This is the time to follow Sandi's rules to a T. You must now buck up and be very disciplined. This will be the hardest thing you have ever done. Get some help from an IC. It'll be money well spent. You need some intensive one on one counselling. I got that in my early days after my attempted assault. It will help you. Don't be ashamed of getting counselling help. We all need it in these difficult times. Just ask some questions to make sure the IC does SBT as that's the program we're on.

[dawgy]

Thanks to everyone who chimed in . Well I got news for ya'll . Shes still at home and OM has told her he doesnt think its going to work between them and he wants to go back to his wife and try again . Guess Dawgy took a gamble and it paid off . Too many guys on here are acting like whimps and letting their wives and OM s carry on like we are weak Pu$$ies . I got very tired of it . Now I know there s no guarantee that the wife will stay . But my message got through to the OM very clear . This is not for everyone but the OM had no reason to back down while I was detached and i could see things progressing to the point she wanted to move in with him .
I dont condone violence but I honestly say I was beyond control . My emotions have been in constant turmoil for almost a year . No wonder I lost it . This is a small victory but far from where I want to be .
As for an apology HA! not gonna happen . I cant believe some of you would suggest such a thing . Think about what your saying people . DBing does work to a certain point but I truly believe not everything in the DBing book is going to work for each sitch .

Mr Bond I realize you are a serious vet here and I wouldnt expect you or anyone on here to condone what I did . However please realize I am a good man and never assaulted anyone in the past and I was truly sorry my son witnessed that and Ive talked to him extensively about how thats not the way to solve problems .And I am in no way suggesting that every LBS go out and beat up the AP but I am suggesting that the AP is a lot bigger problem than is suggested on this forum . Dawgy

[Tarheel]

I missed the part where your W said she wanted to work on the M with you.

[Maybell]

Good for OMW. SHE is the winner in your assault (hopefully). Just because things ended between your W and the OM doesn't mean your W is going to work on the M. I speak from experience here.

[dawgy]

She hasnt yet . And maybe she wont . But she sures hell isnt going to with POS in the picture . Hes out now so we ll have to wait and see. This may start the withdrawl stage Ive been waiting for .