Oh pearl I bought 2 pairs,of shoes as well! I wasn't allowed while with h! Only second hand and I had to buy cheap as possible men's clothes undies the like. Having nice stuff is cool.
The child is improving, but his father does let him run riot and does not set any boundary at all. Telling son if he continues to theaten he will live in town with his dad, seems to have worked.
Although his concerns revolve around me hooking up with strange men, and kicking him to the curb. So he's feeling emtionally unstable and unsettled.
I have been talking to him on a casual level at times when he's not upset, validating etc. and so his outburst have been less. His concern was his riffle was gone but now it's safe and he's seen it he's far more relaxed. Seems I've lost a tad more weight, pants I had that have been loose for months, are now able to pull on without unzipping.
The make up is now a work staple for the last three -four months even keeping on keeping on when I get up at 4 am. I want to look good. Or better than I did.
The whole visit to h place left me with a bizarre feeling like i Had been to the MAD hatters, the whole things felt staged or mmm I can't find the words for the feeling. I'm not sure I could even begin to get any vibe off his actions, or words except that they are most definitely not matching. H says done get out of my life, but I'm holding onto the artificial vagina for a sterile stallion which he was supposed to castrate and hasn't.
When I said why do you need it, the horse has no testicles anymore? Horse has foals on the ground and got mares preggers was his reply, but I'm not sure how he needs the av now as the horse has no visible testicles. H said its joint property I'm keeping it till asked to hand it over.
That exchange was just so weird it was not logical nor about the av on his side. Hence when he really started to give me a hard time, I just left, as I wanted no part in the conversation which was him going round till he got an argeement. The next mediation is 10 days. So I feel it can wait and I wasn't falling into the trap about him getting a bite out of me for an argument. ^^^^ all that I cannot do anything about and it now doesn't bother me like it used to. Which shows I've grown some.
Heading to a work do tomorrow night so I'm wearing new heels and dusting off the wrangler jeans that make me walk funny. Funny how loosing 10-20kg or 33-44 pounds makes you swagger! The girls at work now ask how many coffes I've had at lunch, I say 2 coffees makes life funny but add chocolate to the mix and it will get wild. Lol
Life is fun, I cannot remember fun times like this. For such a long time things were awful its nice to be stress free, that was definitely reinforced by yesterday's visit.
The thing my mind kept fleeing back to today is how being separated is actually calm happy and nice. It's funny how things change.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I have done that, but he's holding into bits that are mine, he seems to want you to go round. I haven't been just going round, this time was the first since april. I organised a time, expected to pick up a box but got there to have to follow him round while he collected up items.
Deliberate painfulness on his side, to ambush.
The mediation is over joint property which is what he classified some of the items I wanted. He earns more than me, he can more easily replace items than I can. I had to work up to 3 jobs to get where I have, but the thing is he thinks if he treats people bad enough with enough disrespect. he will win and be rewarded as most will let it go.
Thus proving he can go back again and again for another bite. Hence I want it stopped, it will only stop if I don't back down. He looks at those who walk as weak and ripe to be picked off.
Some back story, he took my s16gun and the magazine( legally in his name) Twice he told people he didn't have the magazine, we didn't give it to him, my son was disrespectful and lost it and now is blaming him for the loss etc. he actually had it, when I confronted him, and stood firm it got returned.
I will not go back to his house ever. He knows I will call the police if he comes here uninvited as he has done.
Pearl you have no idea how resolute I can be once my mind is set. I went 100% nc still hold that, the only contact will be mediation. I have attended a funeral which he was at and still maintained nc. Things are better if I hold firm, me being to easy going was a complaint of his.
I'm really wanting the whole mediation out of the way, him dragging his feet is not helping.
Last edited by Ggrass; 10/02/1408:13 AM.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I understand that he is being unfair and you are at a disadvantage monetarily. I'm all for going through mediation or any other legal avenue to get what is rightfully yours. A strong, independent woman doesn't take crap from anyone. She also knows that life isn't fair and sometimes it's better to cut losses than spend more time and energy on a draining situation.
Sometimes it comes down to do you want to be right or do you want to be happy.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Yes, it is better to cut losses. In this case however h is banking on that fact.
He wants me to walk away with nil, which is what he said, everybody walks all over you and takes advantage of you financially . He did in the r and he is now. He wants the stuff to sell for the $, I will be using said items. He gave me a business in which I took all the things that cost $ in other words the liabilities (his words) he kept the assets. That is not a fair split.
He justifies it by saying gg contributed nothing not one cent, not one bit of work to the r. I contributed plenty, worked 3 jobs and sacrificed plenty on his request.
Both those areas need to be worked on in my life. Standing up for what is mine will be a 180.
Sat I spent the day with a friend who hasn't know me more than 2 years. She commented on some of the visible changes which I cannot feel or see that easily.
She has said my whole outlook is such a huge change even the way i hold my self and my much easier mannerisms.
A customer commented she is surprised, my changes since I started working there at Christmas, seems she doesn't even recognise me from the person who started there 2 years ago. She could not remember me. Which surprised me, I feel the same person.
Back to my sat, my work mate said I hold my self different all the time, my thinkings happier lighter more relaxed, more able to deal with customers and more proactive. Her and I also went shopping, thank god the shoe shop was shut, otherwise we both might have been a couple of pairs heavier on the trip home.
Her biggest statement is how she thinks I'm still searching for answers. Thinking if I turn every stone every issue then I can figure out my lessons. That I need to be digging to sort them. She really pointed out in a great way that I'm doing things without knowing the pieces are actually coming together, I seem to be finding my way by instinct if that makes sense.
Yesterday was my Monday, and work didn't go terribly well, not enough staff, super busy. The differences I noticed yesterday in me was I spoke up and made my points to the bosses rather than take the blame and when I came home the whole stress of the day did not carry over. I cared that the job wasn't done as good as it could of been but I wasn't as invested emotionally as I would have been in the past.
A bunch of rambling that may or may not make any sense, but this morning it's just those thoughts that are giving me joy. That things do change, even when you think they are not.
Last edited by Ggrass; 10/05/1411:56 PM.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
GGrass, thanks for giving me that advice on my thread!
Quote:
The differences I noticed yesterday in me was I spoke up and made my points to the bosses rather than take the blame and when I came home the whole stress of the day did not carry over. I cared that the job wasn't done as good as it could of been but I wasn't as invested emotionally as I would have been in the past.
This has been my experience, too. I used to stress so much over work, and now I'm like, "Meh. What happened today does not define me one bit. It is just one day." And I say "no" when I need to say "no." That's huge for me.
I've learned a lot from everything that's happened in the last year. I understand what you mean when you say it is giving you joy.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
Well I got a huge kick in the ego, customer service [censored].
I had a customer complain I didn't address her complaint and brushed her off. I validated her complaint minor explained how she could avoid it in future. There is nothing I can do about a key pad!
She was truly grump biatch. You know what even tho I was dragged into the office to be counselled I explained what she said. My manager was serving right next to me. I did ask her for feed back. She stated she heard nothing bad from me. I'm not concerned, in fact I up beat as I'm hoping one of my hotties will be in tonight.
A good perve does help to make the pma go further. Go me, grumpy people do not define my day!
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Well no hotties, but one of our regular customers came in and boy the double meanings were flowing.
He had been In the morning and I had made an innocent comment "about doing him next! " etc the morning conversation went down hill fast into almost benny hill wicked comments and laughing till it hurt.
So this afternoon comment was weren't you here already once? Then it was like the conversation never ended from the morning except about five of us ended up howling with tears and cheek aches!
My wicked humor and quick Witt my besties been complaining has left, is back!
It funny she kept saying I would know me when it returns. Look out world I'm back and feeling like I'm living in my very own skin and it feel awesome. It's actually happening far more often too.
Actually its more than awesome, it's fanbloodyastic.
To all those suffering just keep on walking forwards, one day you will just feel like your getting there. You won't really know how you got there, but you will arrive if you keep on moving.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Bumped into ss25. He is working not with h anymore he cannot tolerate the lies being told about him and his standard of work, when the work stuff ups are not him.
He mentioned h has issues, well douh! Memory loss h cannot remember something said within the last hour. H can fly into temper over nothin in seconds flat. Manic working or not working.
A quote from ss25 is h has gone from normal fit fun 50year old to a mental basket case of 90! He is very concerned about dementure or other issue. Me, all I can do is validate what ss said and I offered support I did say if you need me or want anything please don't feel shy. It's not my drama. I felt sad to say relief for me being apart, that's not to say I'm not going to help out of asked.
My concern is that h assulted my son last year out of the blue, and that if h is suffering from a health issue then ss could be at risk because we live rural it's often not possible to get police or ambos. Distance of 40km to nearest services.
Works been awesome, spring is here. Breeding season too. Need to get mares organised. Still working on my original goals of fencing and filling my rubbish bin each week with clutter. Also looking a finishing my round yard that I started last year before I inured my knee in a major way. Studying for my truck licence (hoping to sit test after mediation next week) and haven't seen my gun licence come back yet either.
Mediation next week, my sons a bit touchy but far better. He's going to his dads tomorrow for at least the weekend. He's been up and down at night so I need a break from his non sleeping patterns. Given h possible undiagnosed health issues, I am now much more impatient for the sep agreement to be in place, as h refuses to admit he even has any issues.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
