My issue with her calling her mom to watch the boys is that if I am available, I want to, and think I am entitled to, keep them.
The OM's roll in destroying our M is a pretty sore spot for me right now. I know I played a part in making the R bad, and W did too, and W chose to accept his advances. However he still played a big role by persuing a M woman. And then there are the domestic violence convictions from the past, and the receiving stolen property and petty theft convictions.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
My issue with her calling her mom to watch the boys is that if I am available, I want to, and think I am entitled to, keep them.
Then add that stipulation to the agreement. If it's her weekend it's her weekend.
Quote:
The OM's roll in destroying our M is a pretty sore spot for me right now. I know I played a part in making the R bad, and W did too, and W chose to accept his advances. However he still played a big role by persuing a M woman. And then there are the domestic violence convictions from the past, and the receiving stolen property and petty theft convictions.
And your W as a married woman was open to his advances. Had she told him no, he wouldn't be in the picture now. I know you have to put your anger somewhere but this is a rabbit hole. Your kids will meet him (he does sound like a winner) but there's not a lot you can do about it at this point other than manage yourself.
Have you and STBXW talked about your concerns about your sons and the OM? Were his convictions recent? Is she getting primary custody?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
i agree with "if its her weekend its her weekend". We settled that issue quickly. We both agreed that if we needed someone, our first call would be to each other. Now, with that being said, I have NO problem with them occasionally going to grandmas. In fact, they need time with the grandparents on both sides. There is nothing I can do about them meeting him. I know that. However she did say she had no intention of introducing them. I know she has lied to me a LOT, but never about the kids. I am going to chose to believe her on this one.
She knows how I feel about that situation. His convictions were 13 years ago with his first W and 6 years ago with his second. The theft stuff was 3 or 4 years ago.
We are doing shared parenting. She gets them S,M,T. I get them W,Thurs,F. We rotate saturdays. So its 3 on, 3 off, then 4 on 4 off. Its actually a pretty slick arrangement.
She does not know about the convictions. She didnt know he was twice D until a mutual friend of ours pointed it out. I want to tell her about them, but I really cant without making it sound controlling and vindictive. I, and a mutual friend both suggested she do a simple background check. That is as far as I went with it. I thought about telling her mom, and asking her to express her concern, if she has any. I thought about printing out the records and mailing them to her, I thought about telling her. None of it seems right. I know if it comes from me, it will be ignored. And no, I will NOT go to her mom, that thought came and went in a nano second.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Well, now that's a different can o' worms you've opened cause if my kids were going into a home where there's a man with DV convictions with 2 wives, I'd be speaking up. Even verbal abuse is damaging for kids to hear on a regular basis. Your W has made her choice and she's an adult, her consequences are hers. The kids are a very different matter.
That's not being vindictive that's providing for the safety of your kids.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
He lives an hour or more away and cannot move because of custody and she cannot move because of custody. The will never cohabitate. I shouldnt say never I guess.
Our agreement in our state says I have to agree to her moving because we have shared parenting. She has stated a few times she will not take the boys out of our school district. Since she is a teacher she knows the effect of that type of move. sorry, I am out of time for now. More later.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Today was a good day. S10 had a great football game. Brought the boys back home and W came over to split up their clothes and prep for the coming weeks. We worked together for 3 hours and got along pretty well. Luckily I will still get to see them every day this week due to school bussing issues.
I spent 2 hours after they left cleaning and organizing. Just keeping busy. Now I'm sitting here relaxing and enjoying the peace. I'm sure I will get lonely eventually.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Well, now that's a different can o' worms you've opened cause if my kids were going into a home where there's a man with DV convictions with 2 wives, I'd be speaking up. Even verbal abuse is damaging for kids to hear on a regular basis. Your W has made her choice and she's an adult, her consequences are hers. The kids are a very different matter.
That's not being vindictive that's providing for the safety of your kids.
I would be having an absolute cow about this. I wouldn't want my kids around this person for any length of time. I am possibly an over-protective Mama Bear, but that's how I feel for sure.
However, due to my controlling issues I have to really think all this through. I am guessing they are now in honeymoon stage 2 now since she doesnt have to hide it from me. She is now free to see him whenever. The only restrictions are her morals and religious beliefs. Her stress and her issues that I had to handle are now hers. If she heaps them on him, it may not last long. She is out in the real world for the first time in 17 years, just like me. I know I have not been super fun to be around lately LOL Last night was peaceful. I slept all night again. I have always been a good sleeper and it really bothered me when I started struggling to fall asleep and stay asleep. I have heard horror stories from a LOT of people about sleep issues. Maybe I will be able to get back to how it used to be. Last night was night 1 alone. Tonight is booked until 9, tomorrow is grocery store and mattress store day, Wednesday is unknown. Since I dont work on Thursday, it may be "beers on the patio " night! Thursday the boys will be back!
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
