rd I use kg too even though I'm an Old Dog, I just translate it for one of only three countries in the world who are rsisting metrification (the other two are Liberia and Burma).
Down to just under 70kg from 86kg.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
rd I use kg too even though I'm an Old Dog, I just translate it for one of only three countries in the world who are rsisting metrification (the other two are Liberia and Burma).
Down to just under 70kg from 86kg.
Speaking of resistance...I was in the LAST class to avoid using the metric system and it has cost me a lot. I'm always stopped short when I travel and have to translate all of it.
I still don't know why we (the USA) did not switch when I was in middle school. We HEARD of the "metric system" as if it was a cool new idea from Europe, NOT the habit of every other nation and the future of the world!!
So for the sake of those of us who missed out on the chance to learn it in school, do bear with us, please!
(But can you admit that a "Stone" is not really scientific sounding either? It reminds me of how many "hands high" OR how "TALL" a horse is, but alas, I digress).
Truth be told, if the grief/heartbreak diet includes eating healthy foods --when we do eat---and is combined with exercise, and eventually allows for decent sleep, we CAN really benefit.
IF we don't get the sleep, or eat decently, then not so much.
When my younger and overweight sister was left by her h, she lost 75lbs in 3 months and NO, that's not healthy to lose in that time period I'd say it was dangerously unhealthy.
In fact, a lot of her hair began to fall out --which is Not a good sign (oh, and not attractive either, which she pointed out repeatedly)
But it reminds me what I went thru when my h left for the adventures of the tundra (and the "Gold rush up THERE!!"--his words)
I did begin to exercise. It was not to look good OR to feel good (at first) but just to reduce stress.
I had so much energy and so much anger fueled anxiety -- it helped to relieve it AND YES, I did look better and to an extent, that really helped me feel better.
Truth be told, I probably looked better than I had in a few years, losing weight, getting outside and putting a bit of color in the cheeks, exercising & getting toned up, in a way that was healthy and helped my posture too.
Yes, the better we look the better we feel (to an extent). Vanity? I don't know, probably vanity and the desire to look good b/c we are women and for better or for worse, we know our looks matter to our h's. So in addition to our egos, it's also the desire to feel desirable.
make sense? I assume men feel the same way, plus my h works out so he IS strong and feels strong and yes, looks strong. I do not mind. But I do notice how this "external work" affects us internally. And that - is thought provoking...
So I'd get my hair done, get my nails done, bought a few choice outfits and basics for my new thinner ward robe, got 2 new fragrances, which did not remind me of h, but did make me feel attractive and sensual.
Later, when I did date (while sep and that's a whole other story) I wore the new perfumes. And to this day, those make me feel empowered and attractive.
Just rambling with what I Hope is food for thought.
Anyone else want to chime in here? What foods or Scents, exercises, hair styles, GAL activities, clothes to wear, diets to try, OR losing weight or gaining muscle, ETC...
think hard and let us know, ---- what made YOU feel better during the darkest of times??
(Oh, and I think we should focus on the healthier choices available)
However, if punching a pillow helped, by all means let us know!
Any ideas? (Anyone? Bueller???)
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I lost about 10 pounds in the first two weeks after BD -- I gagged just looking at food, and had to force-feed myself. I've lost about 5 more since then, even though I'm eating much better since H moved out. I'm eating normally (even a lot at times!) I was a healthy weight before the weight loss, so I really don't want to lose any more. In my case, I think my metabolism is cranked up due to the adrenaline that comes with anxiety. Also, on the weeks when my D14 is with H I find that I don't eat very much (difficult cooking for one). But I'm exercising, eating lots of healthy food, and taking care of myself.
As for things I do to feel good, shopping is new to my list. Not cheap, but it will be less money to divide up if we D! And I'll look good in the meantime.
In fact, I was wearing the new gray suede boots and a fabulous dress with my hair down yesterday when H came by to drop off D14's stuff at my place (I was picking her up from a friend's house later, but she needs her book bag for school). We haven't been alone just the two of us since the lame walk a few weeks ago when he just talking about himself the whole time and complained about D's use of technology. (which is still an issue at both houses)
He came to the door, and I didn't invite him in (probably a missed opportunity, but I was also getting ready to go to a friend's house for dinner and art project and was cooking food for the week and didn't want to get into a drawn-out conversation with him at the time).
He did come in the door, regardless, to drop off the bag, and I handed him his mail for the week. He asked "How are you doing?" And I just treated it like a light conversation starter, responding "Good! I'm just in the middle of cooking some food." (the house smelled amazing) He said, "So you're going to do art at a friend's house?" I said, "Yeah, just a bunch of us girls getting together. Should be fun."
Maybe he was trying to get information out of me, but if he had specific questions he wanted to ask (like "how's your father?" or "how are you feeling about our relationship?") then he should have asked. In the meantime, I'm showing him a happy, positive person that he'd be a fool to leave.
I guess I could have tried to initiate a conversation with him on a deeper level, but I'm trying to follow sandi's rules -- don't initiate R talk. I have to trust that if he wants to stay and have a deeper chat, he will initiate that in his own time.
Next week is his mystery trip (possibly to OW) and also his deadline to renew health insurance. I'm waiting to see if he brings that up. Either way, I plan on getting my own so I don't feel vulnerable and dependent on him.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Lisa -- your thread is locked. If you get this, in response to your query about how to handle being in the "friend" zone -- all I can say is I'm probably there as well. BUT we don't really know if it's really the friend zone or not -- and even though they may feel that they want you in the friend zone today, they might feel differently tomorrow. And we might too. So keep an open mind. For me, I'm NC with H, although I happily respond to his messages (most of which are focused on D14), and accept his invitations to dinner and such, rare that they are. But I don't initiate or pursue -- at all. And I am out GALing and he knows it. I ALWAYS have somewhere to be or something to do right after I see him, so I'm the first to leave -- and leave for something fun. He's too chicken to ask if I'm seeing someone else. But if he did ask, I'm not sure how I'd respond. I'm not dating anyone, and I told him when we were discussing the parameters of the separation that I'd be "social" but not "physical" in terms of dating.
Maybe I would just say that I'm not ready to discuss my personal life until he feels ready to discuss his as well, and that if we don't plan on working on the relationship then I don't see the point of discussing it at all, since I really don't need to know and vice versa.
But part of me wants to say, "Yes, I'm dating a FANTASTIC PERSON -- ME!"
Probably better to keep him guessing.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
