telling the kids was HARD. I didnt want to tell them until closer to W leaving. However, telling them early did allow us a lot of time to answer questions and resolve issues. I drive S13 to school every day and to soccer 3 times a week. We talked a lot durnig those times and he had a new question almost every day.
Im sure you know the basics. United front, its not their fault, you still love them etc. I would also throw in : be as honest as you can but details are not really that important.
3 nights ago S13 did tell W that he wished she would have left the day we broke the news to them so that she could have been back by now. We apparently were not clear enough about the timing and the duration.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Just because none of them are divorced doesn't mean they don't have their own struggles in the marriages that you might not know about. Don't compare or lament. It will do you no good. As for telling the kids, there's a lot of stress leading up to it, and a lot of mitigating their confusion and pain afterwards. But it is survivable -- for all of you.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Just because none of them are divorced doesn't mean they don't have their own struggles in the marriages that you might not know about. Don't compare or lament. It will do you no good.
You are right, it does me no good to compare and lament. The other day my IC said that when word of our S started getting out, people would have different reactions. Some might feel sorry for me, some might envy me. I stopped her right there and asked who on earth would envy me? She said I had no idea of the state of people's marriages, and some would be envious that I was "free" and they weren't. Interesting perspective. I can't really believe that right now, but it's something to consider. (Right now I feel like I'm a pathetic failure and all my friends have wonderful, loving, fulfilling marriages. Obviously, that can't be true of everyone I know.)
One of the first people to talk to me was someone I see around town and I am friendly with. Not specifically a friend. He said to me that he wanted to end his M and needed to get out. I was shocked. I always rather envied their relationship.
A good friend of mine shared with me that his parents split for over a year when he was a young boy. FLOORED me.
Then, I had a mutual friend "confront" me and "scold" me for leaving my W and family. I took the time to straighten her out and as she was leaving I asked her how many people she had spread that rumor too. Oops, should not have done that.
The point is, things are very rarely as they appear.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Of all the people in my circle, I know ONE couple with a truly enviable marriage of the sort I want for myself. The rest are in states of disrepair ranging from worse than mine (!! Yes - people still living together who are worse off than me & my H) to just kind of meh or I don't have a clear sense of how they're faring.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
