1. Control myself and no one else 2. Go to my happy place always 3. Be assertive about getting respect, especially from Clark 4. Go GAL more 5. Invite Clark to GAL with me 6. STFU, listen and validate
Atsbaby M:36 H:35 T: 19 M:12 S:11 D:9 BD: 5/4/14 Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her 8/19 admits OW 8/22/14 files D w/o telling me 9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
So, how do I break through Clark's resentment and anger?
He was his oh so cheery self this morning...I'm really getting tired of his attitude. He has dropped some eye contact and is feeling unattractive. We were doing so well earlier this week. I thought we were on track. I'm stumped with the reaction he is still having to my comment Tuesday night. I'm not sure what he's thinking anymore. He's shut down contact too.
I am being happy around him. Smiling, trying to joke,but little to no response. I'm approaching this differently than I did before. I don't know if this is the right way or not. I guess none of us know with this MLC stuff.
I guess I'm asking the vets and those who have gone into piecing. Again we're not 100% there, but I feel we are on that track. How can I get past his anger and resentment without totally detaching again?
Atsbaby M:36 H:35 T: 19 M:12 S:11 D:9 BD: 5/4/14 Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her 8/19 admits OW 8/22/14 files D w/o telling me 9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
My inexperienced gut tells me that if he has dropped eye contact, and you are getting little or no response.....then perhaps make plans for yourself and be busy. I would say give him a lot of space. Don't initiate contact. Go dark for a while until the wind blows another direction.
I don't think you want to try to break through his resentment and anger....that's for him to change, yeah?
Again, I'm certainly not in piecing....still in pieces, lol. But I don't think you can go wrong by giving plenty of space, FWIW.
Yes to what Shining said. YOU don't break through his anger and resentment. You let him figure that out and detach. Detach. Detach. He's far from figuring out his stuff. Give him lots of space. He is still on a roller coaster that you don't need a fast pass for. Nope.
I'm not a vet, however I can see this. It sounds like Clarke moved back in and he's still the same. Focus on you and the kids. Let him work through his stuff. Be cordial and friendly neighborish.
Hang in there! You cannot fix him or *make* him do or see anything. Hope you have fun stuff planned for the weekend:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Atsbaby, I just caught up on your sitch and wow oh wow. Mr. Gritty and I had the mother of all fights, too.
Lucky for us we are still separated. (Really? LUCKY???) I don't know that we could do this while living together at this stage. I feel this separation allows us to both run back to our caves and lick our wounds when we need to.
Note that I thought I would die when he left me.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
It's been awhile, but man life has taken a crazy direction. After I posted last time, I decided to go to the football game with Clark and it went well. We talked that night and seemed to clear a little more air. Clark broke his boundary rule and has everyday
I cleaned out my d9 folder the other night and she had drawings of Freddy Kruger, Jason, Chucky and Slenderman....not very happy she even knows who these characters are! Then Monday, during fall break, I was at work and my mom texted me that d9 asked how to spell suicide...WTF? Pretty sure it's mostly curiosity, but omg, not what a mom wants to hear.
So that night Clark and I sit down and talk with her about the drawings and the looking up suicide. I want to seek counseling for her, but Clark isn't there yet (surprise!). As we were talking, more Clark than me, he mentioned faults and thinking that she was doing which are like him! "I have repressed my childhood memories because it was traumatic for me. I don't like it, but I can't remember anything from before my parents divorced. I'll make a deal with you, I will get counseling too."
What? Did I just hear you correctly Clark? Granted this happened Monday and no movement on the counseling, but at least there is now awareness and some clarity speaking.
We still have a long way to go, but things are starting to connect within Clark. I've let my expectations get the best of me a few times, and I need to practice this some more...he's still not there yet. Heck, he still has the D petition on hold, not even ready to drop it yet, even though we are making plans for the future.
I'll update more of my week later, but all in all still headed in the right direction.
Last edited by Atsbaby; 10/10/1402:19 PM.
Atsbaby M:36 H:35 T: 19 M:12 S:11 D:9 BD: 5/4/14 Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her 8/19 admits OW 8/22/14 files D w/o telling me 9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Your h is baking up nicely. Continue as you have been. It's interesting that he's finally mentioned his childhood memories. Listen and validate if he should talk about them.
If you've not already done a search on Slenderman, you may want to do so. The show 20/20 had an hour special on this game and what happened to a 12 yr old girl when she went over for a sleep over at her friend's house. The friend and another young lady stabbed her 19 times in a wooded lot and left her for dead because they were into the Slenderman fantasy game and wanted to prove that they could be a part of his life. As for Freddy Kruger, Jason and Chucky, they have nothing on the Slenderman and his illusive mansion in the "sky". I would definitely monitor her on the computer, etc., to ensure she leaves this game alone.
Atsbaby, you are dong great. Allow him to continue baking on a low, slow temperature. The safer he feels around you and the family, the more he'll open up.
I heard about the story on 20/20, but don't know all of the slender man story. It's amazing the way this generation is now growing up! I don't think I even knew my first curse word until I was in 6th grade...and mine know all of them. Sad times really!
Clark is baking nicely. I'm still leery of the OW. Not all contact has been broken and I don't want to push the issue. Out of sight, out of mind (too bad not completely out of my mind). He met her during lunch, and his lunch hour is still a hot subject for me. As is when he goes to bed in the basement, I'm always questioning what he's doing (in my head of course. Don't want to come off as insecure, even though I am.)
I'm still guarding my heart, not as much as I think I should, but I haven't given him all of it back yet. Piecing is hard. I feel like I still need to walk on eggshells about certain topics, but I'm more knowledgable on how to respond (don't react).
Atsbaby M:36 H:35 T: 19 M:12 S:11 D:9 BD: 5/4/14 Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her 8/19 admits OW 8/22/14 files D w/o telling me 9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Yes, the children today are growing up so quickly and know entirely too much at a young age.
Piecing is hard, in fact, it's the hardest part of the journey. It takes a while for him to settle back into his own skin and he has to earn your trust back. Don't rush the process and remember...it's going to be a new relationship once he's completely baked.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey Ats. You sound like you are doing very well. You are so strong. I agree with others (even though I have no experience in this), and to give him some space. He is there, in your space- that's good! Let him come to you. And, when you do go to him, it will be like a nice treat or surprise!
