I like Georgiabelle's advice much better than my own! Sounds polite and detached. But I suppose if he keeps asking, you can either not reply at all, or perhaps validate in some way-- something like, 'I hear you that you'd like me to weigh in on your decisions, and as I said, I'm sure you will find a safe, nice place for you and our Ds. Good luck.'
Something like that? (Georgiabelle, what do you think?)
I'm not sure why you need to validate what's already been validated which is you trust that he will secure a nice place to live. I don't really think there is anything else to say. Will the kids like it or be happy with this sitch? Probably not. However, you Rpp, can only remind then how much you love them and that you are there for them. Trying to placate your h by saying "I think they will live this" to perhaps make him feel better seems disingenuous.
It doesn't sound like there is a concern with your h being able to handle the medical condition? If that came up for discussion, then that's different terrain if your h has questions.
I apologize if this is a mini hijack. However, I think I have figured one thing out (said woman who has zero experience with divorce and was married to a man where divorce is about as common as a koala bear in a US back yard). None of this feels *fair* (whatever that means). You won't like it and probably will never understand it. If you try to decipher crazy, you will only drive yourself crazy. It sukks-I know. However, I do think it's best to *respect* that their actions indicate they don't want to be in a R with you right now. Can that change? Absolutely. Take the focus off them. Focus on you and your kids. Maybe they miss their old life or maybe they are in search of that elusive happy capsule with green grass and the letter I dotted with hearts. However, don't put your life on hold hoping they realize what they walked away from. Make changes you want and focus on making your life all that I can be. Regardless of what happens, you can be much better than just fine:-)
Just my very humble opinion. Happy Friday peeps!
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 10/03/1412:37 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
None of this feels *fair* (whatever that means). You won't like it and probably will never understand it. If you try to decipher crazy, you will only drive yourself crazy.
Wise words
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
This is how it all played out. Hit me upside the head if you must.
H: (Paragraphs explaining pros and cons of different options.)So, I’d like your input here because part of the driving force for me is what will make the girls happier and safer when they’re with me. You need to be comfortable with the elements too. Thoughts?
Me: My thoughts are that our girls are happier and safer in their own home with us raising them together. Any decision outside that is yours to make. I will never be comfortable with anything else. When we brought (S18) home from the hospital, I was in pain, tired, unsure of my mothering, stressed that this little baby wasn’t eating well, and felt pressure to be hostess to the friends and neighbors dropping by unannounced. I was in our bedroom struggling to feed him and the doorbell rang. You looked me in the eye and said, “Take all the time you need,” and went to answer the door. In that moment, you chose what was best and safest for our son, and I will never forget it. I trust you to choose an apartment that is nice and safe for our daughters.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Yeah, don't go there, rppfl. Just tell him "I trust you to be able to decide what is best." And leave it at that. Unless he's moving into a crack house or some other sketchy part of town...
My H didn't give me any input whatsoever into the place he rented when he moved out. At the time, it made me angry, but then again, I wouldn't want to be involved in picking out the place he was going to leave me for. Hang in there.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Thanks, everyone. I don't know why this was such a big deal to me. I think maybe because it was part of a larger conversation about the timing of telling the kids. We wanted all three of them to be together, but the logistics of the weekend is making that difficult. H and I had exchanged several emails about it all when the topic of the "safe and happy" apartment location came up.
I realize that part of my heartburn is that we are apparently forging ahead with this conversation even though H doesn't actually have a place to go yet. It just makes it seem very real and for those of you have read more than two or three of my posts, you know that the actual moving out is just a HUGE mental hurdle for me.
H was out of town last night, returning today, and we have a party tonight at which we will get to socialize with 150 of our closest friends. None of them are divorced, not kidding.
H was out of town last night, returning today, and we have a party tonight at which we will get to socialize with 150 of our closest friends. None of them are divorced, not kidding
You can do this (and i say this just as much for yo as I'm saying it for me too) Enjoy the party and don't you dare feel sad for going through this around these people. You didn't do this. He did.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
