Hmmm....sounds like an anxiety thing with the chest tightness. Have you had that before? I have....it's not fun. My heart would race and my BP was emergency room high sometimes...I'm glad you're noticing it. Take care of Mighty!
The numbness? Is that bad? Idk! I would PAY for numb these days, lol. All kidding aside, I'm guessing our emotions are doing gymnastics all over the place, and anything that lasts a long time might be worth looking at. Numb may be a temporary coping thing because you're completely overwhelmed. I know nothing, though.
I love the xh phone-in parenting ....someone's feelings are hurt that you aren't chasing him with info he can see on his own?? Pahleeeeze. Did you reply?
My man-child called tonight...yeah. I rushed to get off the phone and it felt great. Then he sent me several recorded voice-texts of himself, claiming to be his S21. So now we're prank-texting. How attractive, you 44 year-old juvenile. Yeeesh.
I'm getting my mojo back.....feeling much better today, and on my way up toward my new life!!
Heck yeah I'm coming! I wish I was headed SE to NYC, too!
I mean, c'mon... seriously... prank calls?! Whoa. Yeah, keep moving forward, Shining... and away from nonsense!
No way did I reply to xh. In the past week and a half I've gotten an apology, irrelevant text about mortgage, and smart a$$ comment about my parenting. However, no comment about the email I sent last week regarding the health issue.
I could go on and on about the joke of that text... but, ugh... too much wasted energy. I just laugh and move on.
And yeah, it is definitely an anxiety thing. But it is just weird that I don't have emotion attached. Especially when I am fully aware that things are upsetting. It's not that I am looking to cry, but I am like a stone or something. I don't know.
Tomorrow is my surgery consult. It is also the 2nd anniversary of my nephew's fatal car accident (technically xh's nephew). What a week... again.
Shining, you are amazing. Keep at it. And I am so glad you are doing better. You will have those moments still, but they will become less and shorter. Looking forward to it being OVER!
Aagh....good luck at the consult tomorrow. I'm not entirely sure what the surgery involves, but be sure and tell the doc about your chest tightness before any type of procedure....we need Mighty healthy and back to the boards ASAP!!!
Yeah...it is tempting to reply to h with my smart mouth (sometimes it slips out a little). But I don't. I need to start a list called, "what I coulda said there"
The prank texts...apparently, the iPhone update has a voice text option now, and it sends an audio message.... I was the evening test-dummy. 7 times. Smh.
This is what I get for pulling back. I can't wait to see what happens when he REALLY sees me detach.....mmmoooohoooohooooo, hhaaaahaaahaaaaaaaaa.......(<<<< maniacal laugh).
Atsbaby M:36 H:35 T: 19 M:12 S:11 D:9 BD: 5/4/14 Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her 8/19 admits OW 8/22/14 files D w/o telling me 9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Dr appointment was OK. It stirred up some anger with me. She said that most cases like mine are "mild" and mine is "at least moderate" whatever that means. Surgery will probably be in November.
Boy, my drive away from that office.... oooooohhhhhhh, I was getting heated. It really made me have to look at the sitch. The fact that I was so clueless when he was with both of us. Gggggrrrrr.....
I feel like maybe he didn't say anything to her because maybe she'd get mad that he was with his wife when we were together.... irony, right?! He probably gave her some spiel about how we were nothing and he was committed to her- gag.
On another exciting note... found an assorted stash of goodies in s17 bedroom. Err.. not so good. Got him on a tight rope now. Never a dull moment in the Mighty household.
Came home today to d13's entire JV volleyball team here. They were getting the stuff for their float ready for the parade tomorrow (Homecoming). Pep rally is tonight (both kids there)... those girls left a hefty mess as they rushed out the door.
Tomorrow: calling hours for friend/coworker. (Been a long week at work). Saturday: funeral & homecoming
I had plans with a bunch of people for tomorrow. Many of them friends from work, including the one who passed on Monday. We were going to make a day of it tomorrow. We were going to have brunch, all walk over to s17's football game (2 blocks from my house) and come back here for a bbq & get-together.
I was excited bc it was one of my GAL things. But, with the funeral and everything, we had to call it off. I will make the best of the weekend, though!
Ready for the up-swing.... any day now.... please... two years of shockers.... ok.... something.... anything.... please... Lord?
Ha... the good thing is... I have truly learned to embrace, enjoy, and appreciate the little things and small blessings.
Oh, I guess I should mention: Yesterday I got an email from xh. He addressed me and gave me all this information about the mortgage. Apparently it was not just taxes, but insurance, too. He called the insurance company to get information, and gave me a new company to try. He also forwarded all the email communication from the bank and him from his inquiry about my mortgage going up.
He was nice and acting all buddy-buddy. It was weird, a little bit of a different tone, almost timid but trying to win me over. I don't know, I can't explain it... and I could be waaaaaay off.
I also notice a difference in the way he texts and emails recently. It is actually more similar to me. Weird! (I have an annoying tendency to "..." I annoy myself with it sometimes, but I think it is part of my personality. XH never did that, and all week, I have noticed it all over- even reading through his emails to other people that he fwd to me.
OK, so he has been "working on this" mortgage thing since Friday (I noticed date on emails). WTF??!!!
Then, today I got an email from him saying sorry for loss of friend. It was like, "I'm so sorry..."
I am not sure why he is contacting me so often now. I mean like all the time! 3rd day in a row. It's not like I am engaging and interesting (hmmm... maybe my scarcity is what makes me interesting??? Enter Shining's maniacal laugh here<<<<<!)
Does he really expect a friendship? I mean, what more could you do to a person? WTF? I'm confused by this, but my brain is so fuzzy and unemotional... I am just floating through life right now. My perception may be off with everything. I will tell you what, it makes things easier when you have no feelings. Just here. But I do enjoy the good and happy things! Wooo hooo!!!!
