H's MLC #5

[2BHappy]

Yes I understand, I just put all the things into play at once for the sleeping in bed,,,I don't spoon often if at all, I get too hot (and not in a good way).

I will watch for patterns, I will go VERY slow, I will try to not throw out the baby with the bath water...

BUT if he chooses to sleep in basement, I will no longer allow it to affect how I feel (TRY NOT)

[2BHappy]

Emotions a lil blah about my M. It's like this weekend I did not even want to talk or interact with my H and I think he could feel something cause he called and called and when I answer he did have something important to talk about family stuff, but I just wanted off the phone. Then when s and I got home from game, I stayed in basement until H left for work, then he called on his way to work to tell me about batteries....

Today it seems like my feelings are "leaving" or probably I'm having to hold things in and deaden my feelings and its starting to feel real, like if H left today I would feel relief in some ways for me.

I wonder if our s14 is going to have lasting effects of this messed up M he sees, will he know how to love and work on R issues, will he grow up to think that H and W dont really have to talk or show affection or say nice things to each other spend time together...

I really wonder if our son anger and sadness he is starting to show is just puberty or him absorbing the sadness in the house. I try to be upbeat and happy in front of son, unless there is a true reason to be upset,,,what example are we showing him,,,,

It's hard enough to be a teenager...I dont want to make it worse

[woundedfool]

Today it seems like my feelings are "leaving" or probably I'm having to hold things in and deaden my feelings and its starting to feel real, like if H left today I would feel relief in some ways for me.

Don't hold them in! What are you using as an outlet to "vent"? (aside from here).

what example are we showing him

You are showing him you love him unconditionally.
You are showing him you enjoy his interests.
You are showing him that happiness is not dependent on how other interact with you.
You are showing him marriage is not a just a ceremony where you may or may not honor your commitment.
You are showing him that marriage can be work, and that while in the short term it could be *easier* to turn tail and run, it is important to put in the work for the long term.

[daring]

I completely understand 2B, I think as we progress towards detachment our feelings aren't at the forefront so much anymore.
I too wonder what we are teaching our children. I just try to do my best so that no matter what I can look in the mirror at myself and look in the faces of my children and say I honored my commitment and values and did all I could.
You are doing the same 2B.

[2BHappy]

Thanks I needed some encouragement......

The feelings I'm holding inside...the things I want to say....here for now is the best place to vent.

H tried to initiate sex ....I ignored it...felt like if that is all he has to give me .....maybe I don't want it.

And...the get together with my friend that I invite H to...I not sure I want him to go...because we will not be a real couple there...so I may as well go solo.I also don't want my friend to see how distant my H is.

H has not yet said he would go or not...and I don't plan to ask again. I guess I need to tell him my plans for that night that mornng, our son will b at my moms....and to avoid H calling me after he gets home from work that night...and seeing neither one of us is home...

GAL this weekend and next weekend is GAL sleep away with girlfriends

[woundedfool]

The feelings I'm holding inside...the things I want to say....here for now is the best place to vent.

You kind of glossed over my question:

Don't hold them in! What are you using as an outlet to "vent"? (aside from here).

So, I will ask again.... aside from here, what are you doing as an venting outlet?

[2BHappy]

What am I doing to vent out my feelings?

Well I consider my GAL's as an outlet

I have now started to get on my treadmill to kind of walk out my feelings

That is all really,,,I sometimes talk to my SIL, or share a lil with my BFF's.

[2BHappy]

SO...tonight is my GAL with friends which I invited H to almost a month ago.

Now S14 might have a game 2morrow which means he would not be able to go over his nana's to stay the night.

So here is convo

Me: What time will you be home 2night
H: NOt sure WHY...what time you trying to go over your friend
Me: Im only asking cause s14 wants to stay home and I dont want him here too late at night and I dont want to be rushed to come home.
H: How long you plan to stay out, give me address I may come
Me: Well,,,I was thinking I would rather you come home to be with s14, I don't want you there when you dont really want to be AND I dont want my friends to meet my H for the 1st time and see how our M really is...I said I have no idea how you will treat me or respond to my friends and I dont want to be embrassed. I dont want them to see you ignore me, not kiss or touch me, not sit with me...and I dont want you to pretend.
H: Your are tripping
Me: No I'm being honest.

I don't want my H to come there and treat me like his friend not even a good friend, and I dont want him to come there and pretend, I want to have a good time and not have to worry about how things will be, I said I'm not even sure why I invited you with the way we currently are...

H said nothing else about the party,just went on to start some chores before work and to ask me about our son possible game tomorrow.

It's just how I really felt. I want to enjoy myself and not be uptight and or worried and or pretend that I'm ok with however H is acting IF he showed up.

This will be a gathering of mostly couples but there will be at least 1 other single woman (wow I typed single woman....other single woman,,,do I consider myself a single woman,,,no I meant another woman there alone with a date.

Feedback on this interaction,,,I dont know if I care if this added to the mess our M is already in,,,but I guess I do since I ask for feedback

[job]

Well, you've stated how you feel about him attending the party and now he's got something to mull over. I'm sorry you feel the way you do and I can't blame you, but I don't think he'll attend, especially in the frame of mind he's in. If he asks again, suggest that it might be best if he were to come home and be there w/your son since you may be getting home later than usual.

[daring]

Sometimes you just have to put it out there 2B- I have done it too. As long as you're taking care of you that's most important.

Hope you have an awesome time!!!