H's MLC #5

[woundedfool]

I did add that he does not have to run away afterwards to the basement (he sometimes does this then comes back 30min later) I told him I would like him to stay just in case a wave of round 2 hits,,,,LOL (no idea who this person talking was,,,but I really really like her)

So... much like earlier in your threads: Experiment and monitor. Instead of giving him the opportunity to leave, do something different? Maybe you bolt out first? and be down there for round 2? .... just a thought?

The need to blow up has passed..my negative emotions dont linger as long anymore.

Good! Thats progress! Celebrate the small things!

[daring]

Awesome 2B- sounds like you handled that perfectly!
I really do think for those of us who didn't give sex the attention it deserved that it's a major opportunity to 180. But those big girl panties do create some seriously annoying wedgies!!!

Wounded fool- I love your responses. Great advice paired with humor is so refreshing right now!!
Feb 31st....., where can I find that on the calendar???

[2BHappy]

@ Wounded,,,,Great idea beat him to the basement. Im sure the look on his face would be worth it alone.

@ Daring,,It's a 180 for me to be available and really present in the moment for sex. Previously I allowed other issues/things to get in the way of how I responded and I sometimes used it as a punishment,,,if H was not acting like I wanted, I would withhold sex and all affection. Forgave myself and praying that H will be able to one day...but if not it will be his lost.

I'm stronger each day, got so much of my confidence back...H MLC's has open my eyes to many issues I had that I needed and continue to work on. It has helped me in other relationships.

Its crazy that his MLC has not only open my eyes to the type of wife I was,,,but it force me to look deep inside me and that helped in me in many ways.

This MLC hurts like hell at times, but it has been a blessing in disguise. The praying, the reading, the sessions with Pastor...not sure if I would have ever really looked at myself this hard if not for this situation.



I know Im a better person all the way around, I know I've changed for the better. Thank GOD

[2BHappy]

I dont even know how to say this...

My last DR apt for my yearly GYNO exam I saw my Dr's nurse practictioner, as we discussed any concerns I ask for STD testing, I did not know but she did blood work for Herpes, well,,,all other STD's are negative, BUT herpes type2 blood test is POSITIVE. I'm scared, upset, she can notice it in my voice, nurse pract tells me I could have had this for years and since I had no symptons no one would have ever done a blood test, she only included it becuase she was ordering other blood test for STD's...

She ask me how long with my H I told her since 1996 and no other partners for me, she laughes a little (said sorry for laughing, said if I dont have outbreaks and been only with my H since 1996 we can continue to be sexual with each other and to just watch for any signs of outbreaks) and she said you probably both already have it then and no way to know who I got it from could be H or could be sex partners before my H...She checked my medical records with this Dr back to 1999 no STD's no signs of herpes on any exam,,,this is the office who deliver my s14 in 2000 and gave me my complete hysterectomy in 2007.

Nurse pract reminded me that not everyone has signs of herpes and that is another reason why its so common, so advised me to not go searching on internet, to only read CDC or AHSA website to avoid all kinds of confusing info. I read those and others and nothing helped me to feel better. I ask Nurse if I could have a false positive she said probably not and she would order retest but it would be to only calm my mind and she expected same results.

I told H yesterday, I was very worried and felt digusting, H tried to comfort me, said he would go get tested also but at this point he either has it or not, and H said he has never seen any signs of herpes sores anywhere on me, I have never seen any on H either. H said he also knows that test can be wrong,,,but no sense in getting more tests since I have never shown any signs and he has not either. H said its not a death sentence..

I know I should be happy it was not some other STD's like HIV...THANK GOD

But this herpes has no cure and now I feel horrible, I wonder if I need to call past sex partners, I now feel like if this does not work out with my H I will never be in another sexual realtionship or a serious relationship wth anyone..

How can I have sex and not pass it if I dont even have signs, condoms dont work cause it does not cover sores, which I never had anyway...

Nurse Pract said I dont need the daily meds they have cause I dont have signs of a outbreak...

What if H does not have it, Nurse Pract said then she would suggest a retest for me.

I tried to see if this is something that I could just carry and not pass on, but that does not seem to be the case..

I could barely get out of bed this morning, cried all night, head hurts.

the nurse said I've probably had for years, but she could not tell how long or anything...

I dont even know how this fits into DB

Why has this knocked the wind out of me?

H is not even pressed to get tested, but said he will as soon as he can, H does not go to the DR when he needs to so no telling how long it will be before he makes an apt and gets tested...

what if H does not have it, H already wants to leave,,,this may seal that...

I plan to call my to GYNO DR office today and ask to have my reg DR also review my results and see if he has any suggestions or thougths or anything... not that I have anything against the nurse pract,

OMGoodness I dont even know what to pray about for this, I did thank GOD that it was not something worse..

I dont know how much more I can deal with

[Shining]

2B,

That must have been such a blow, finding out such news. I'm so sorry you have learned this.

It's natural to feel all of what you feel, the shock, the fear, the anxiety of the "what it's". I won't try to minimize the impact, because I would feel the same way.

It seems your NP wasn't overly freaked out. To her, she sees this type of thing far too often. To us, we never thought we needed to be concerned about this stuff.

2B, this diagnoses does not change who you are. It does not make you a bad person. It does not make you disgusting. Please don't go down the road of stinkin' thinkin', and worry about future partners, etc. that is not the reality today. Focus on today only, and what you can control.

Feel those feelings. Identify them all. Then, let them wash over you.

Thank you so much for sharing this. It is a huge dose of reality for all of us. I'm sure you have opened many eyes today.

You are an incredible woman. It happens. It doesn't change who you are at all, unless you let it. You are more than this thing that happened. So, so much more.

((((((Hugs))))))

[woundedfool]

Yes, that is a tough pill to swallow.

I don't know what to say or tell you, other then I have said a prayer for you.

The NP is correct, in creating the image, this is not the end of the world.

Its up to you will how far you want to dig into this, other then I see little merit to informing your partners from close to 20 years ago. But if you had anything recently during your separation (not judging, your faulting you if you did), they would have the right to be informed.

I know this is easy to say, but this should have little impact on how you move forward.

[job]

I'm sorry you got this type of news and this doesn't change the person you are. You'll just have to be careful and monitor yourself if you ever have outbreaks.

Okay, let's look at the dates you've posted. You've been w/your h since 1996 and had a child later. You also indicated that you didn't have any STD's or herpes when you were tested back then...so, I may be wrong about this, but I would have to ask myself if it was possible that you contracted this from your h, if you haven't been w/anyone in the last 18-20 years. I hope I'm wrong about this and him.

From what you've indicated, your h isn't too concerned about the matter and that really does send red flags up for me. Most people would be floored to know that 1) they have this; and 2) their partners may have gotten it from me. Your h doesn't appear to be bothered one way or another. Could this be the reason he's not wanting to get tested?

You may be one of the few lucky ones that won't have an outbreak, but I would ask my Dr. about it and learn as much as you can and I would also ask if stress may affect this. Then again, your test may not be accurate. I would have it repeated again just to make sure....again, ask your Dr.

Breathe and remember, you are a good person and this shouldn't affect how you move forward; and like woundedfool stated, if you have been w/someone recently, they would need to be advised of the situation...but those 20 years ago...there is very little merit in doing so.

Again, speak to your Dr. and ask questions.

[2BHappy]

Shinning, Wounded, Job
THANKS

I just spoke to my reg GYN Dr, he said I have the antibodies in my immune system which means I was exposed to herpes2 at some point in my sex life, since I have never had an outbreak and this is my 1st blood test for it, I could have had it for years. He said again it is very common, and me not ever having outbreaks means my immune system was able to fight it.

He said my H may not have it, if he did not give it to me, since neither one of us have ever had outbreaks. He said if H test negative, then he did not give it to me, and as long as I dont have an outbreak I cannot give it to H going forward. DR said if your immume system is strong you can be exposed but not have an outbreak ever and not pass it on. If H immumes system is strong he may not get it from me, if he did not give it to me.

If H does have it, still cannot tell who gave it to who.

I would have had to had the blood work done before Sex with H to know that I did not have it at that time before sex with H.

DR said I do not need to do anything different, no need to contact past partners, he said my H know nows and if he gets tested great and if not that is up to H, it should not change my sex life with my H unless I start to get outbreaks which he would be surprised if I did now, he said the antibodies level I had indicates I had this for some time in my immune system.

DR is very straight forward and told me to that at this point , he would not worry about this unless I have an outbreak and or a new sex partner, adn even with a new partner to tell them I have the anitbodies so I have been exposed, but again if no outbreaks I cannot pass it on. He said people just recently started to get the blood test for Herpes and usually only if they continue to have outbreaks...

I told him on the internet it says you can have outbreaks that are not visible... DR replied maybe but he has not seen that before..


He also rechecked my record and said he never seen any outbreaks in my files and since 1999 I have never come in with concerns about any STD's.

Job I was tested for STD's when I got pregnant in 1999 but no Herpes blood test, DR said at that time if there was no visible outbreak there would have been no test and at that time the test would have been a culture of the outbreak not a blood test.

Dr also said these antibodies in my blood could be for 1 or 2, but most likey herpes 2. He said 90% of the population has been exposed to either Herpes 1 or 2 and if tested would have the antibodies in there immune system.

I have not had any other partners since 1996.

I can breathe a lil better, but this has shaken me! Now I was all getting tested cause I worried that my H had a PA , and it may end up Im the one with a virus., that I could have given to H.

[job]

I'm glad you spoke to your doctor. It should ease your mind a bit.

You never have anything more than the antibodies in your system and may never have an outbreak. You'll just have to be vigilant from now on and if something doesn't look right, then it will be medication time.

Please, please, do not put yourself down over this. There are so many people in the world that have the antibodies and don't realize they have it. Just be thankful the office went ahead and did the testing. Be thankful it's not HIV or some other deadly disease.

I know this news rocked your world, but you are now more informed about your body and can move forward from this day forward. Please do not allow this to define your and hopefully your h will not throw this in your face each and every time he gets angry. Again, no one knows for sure who contracted it first and when.

Sending you positive thoughts today.

[2BHappy]

JOB

Thanks again and always for your support.

I really had no one else to vent this out with then you all here on this forum.

H called this morning once I got to work to check on me, said he knows how much I worry and to try not to worry sooo much, never had any issues with it, dont start to over worry now.

DR did say that some outbreaks are brought on by stress..

Well if I did not have an outbreak last year when BD happen,,maybe I never will.

I have thanked GOD it was not HIV or another STD, I'm trying to be grateful that it's antibodies for herpes,,,I hate to even type it.

I hope H does not use this against me, I'm already beating myself to death over just knowing I have this in my body,,,I dont really care at this point who gave it to me.

I hope I have not shared too much here on the forum, hope I did not offend anyone.