Putting my life back together

[1foot2]

Wow, going back for the MBA is a big move! It sounds like you're on a good track no matter what happens. I too am thinking about returning to school, but my mind feels too...exhausted to think about doing it right now.

[NewLeaf]

Thanks 1foot2, I know the MBA is going to be a huge time commitment, and that I'm very fortunate to have the resources and support to even make it a possibility. I'll have to cut back on my other GAL activities for sure, but wanted to try some new things and maybe pick one to keep up with while I'm in school.

Trying my best to treat this nightmare as an opportunity and transform as much of this frustration, pain, and anger into good habits as I can while I have the motivation. There are some days when that's much easier than others.

Thanks for checking in.

[gan]

Hey NewLeaf - that is a great 180 list! Very solution focussed and targeted.

[NewLeaf]

W just announced after breakfast that she had dates to meet with mediators to start the process wanted to check with me for my schedule. Thanks for that, not a great start to the weekend.

I told her the dates would work, finished up the dishes, moved my laundry and left the area to get some space because I'm not sure I can keep up my PMA right now.

I've known this was coming, and I don't feel the gut wrenching pain I thought I would, more of just a defeated sadness..

[Ahoy]

I am so sorry, NewLeaf. Hang in there.

[NewLeaf]

So this weekend I got a birthday card today from w. It was hand written with a rather impersonal message about how she hopes I enjoy new adventures this year and find "true happiness". I guess it would have to be hand written since they don't have a LBS category in the birthday card aisle.

In all seriousness it was nice to get a card from her, and over the weekend she went to my cousins baby shower and gave me a full update on how the family was doing when she got back.

Have cooked a few meals and doing well on my no clutter 180 since my last post. I can't help but feel my feelings for her fading. Such a painful process to go through. I have so much respect for those that have
done this for multiple years. It's really incredible to think about as I sit here only a few months in.

[MrBond]

"It was hand written with a rather impersonal message "

Sounded personal to me. You're mindreading.

[gan]

NewLeaf, don't bother reading too much into the card. My H didn't send a card, text or call on my b'day one month after he moved out…but you've just been on my thread commenting on how well our meet up went 4 months on.

[NewLeaf]

Thanks ganb8te, MrBond,
I'm definitely reading into it, and parsing out every word instead of just appreciating that it was a nice gesture and moving on.

[NewLeaf]

Made plans to go have dinner with friends tonight. As I was walking out the door w came home and was getting out of her car with a bag of groceries (I wasn't expecting her home so early). I said hello, asked how work was, and I told her I was going to have dinner with some friends from work,(was kind about it, and PMA). She seemed hurt (I know, mind reading) and wasn't home when I got back.

I'm not reading into either how she reacted or her not being home. I'm trying really hard not to care, it's just that it was really hard not to think about her at dinner. There are moments when I feel I couldn't care less and just want to get the D over with, and then I have these moments where all i want is to go home and have dinner with my best friend. I feel like the end of the week is so much harder than the beginning, as I think about it most of my GAL is centered around the weekdays, maybe I need to step it up on the weekends to give myself something to look forward to.