I put it in my ring box with a note for him on his nightstand
"Please put my ring with your ring...at least they can be together"
My time of standing may soon be over....
Don't know how many DB rules i just broke, other then the shaking my voice was calm there was a smile on my face and I feel stronger!!!
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Shoot that quick ,in my hurt I forgot H found out one of his old friends from his hometown died in crash this morning...
Shoot, I was still up in all my feelings, too late now.
Probably was NOT the right time to do what I did...
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
After our talk yesterday H and I had hot sex, but it felt like H was trying to just stake a claim...
anyway today after sons game, I guess I was still in a trance from yesterdays sex and I ask H for a kiss, he looked shocked and a smirk on his face,,so I said oh never mind keep your kisses save them for old age...
On the drive him I was MAD, shaking, H was in the garage heading to work I told him I had something for him,
took off my ring placed it in his hand and went to walk away he threw it in my car seat, I took it and ran to his car and put in it side door, he was just looking at me, I said I'm tried of being a wife with NO husband and came in the house told him to have a great day at work.
I'm still shaking a little, H sat in garage for a while,,not sure if he put ring back in my car or not, but Im done wearing my ring for now, maybe for ever!
I think until if ever H puts his ring back on, I have no need for mine.
The no kiss embrassed, pissed me off and hurt me, I'm like Im good enough to have sex with at home but not kiss in public!!
The no ring on H finger is a louder message to me then ever.
right now F _ _K my H.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
AND yesterday before H went to work he wanted me to listen to his call into work about working a double said he did not want me to wonder if he was at work,,,
Then he called from work after his reg shift was over and was into his double to let me know he was at work...
And then BAM I pull this all emotional "take my ring" crap today.
I may have really really messed up any progress we were making and onto of him learning about his friends death early this morning,,,
OMGoodness now the emotions are here, now what?
I may have picked the wrong moment to "put my foot down" or "put my foot in my mouth"
HELP
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I'm sorry you're having a tough time of it today. The anger is sure bubbling up. I hurt for you. I think we've all been there, needing to release all that bottled up stuff.
I'm no vet, so please take or leave my observations as you choose. You help me by posting, showing support, and offering perspective. Hopefully I can do the same.
So, he definitely knows how you feel. Probably best to let it sit for a while and pull back?
I don't blame you for getting angry. This really, really sucxks. I can't imagine having my H in the same house and dealing with kid stuff....so please don't be hard on yourself for letting it out. Just don't stay that way too long. I'm told to feel it, and let it wash over me. .
Very likely, now that the anger was released, it will reset you back to a calmer state. Then, you can go back to detaching, and focusing on you and your son.
Now, as for yesterday, I don't believe the MLCer is even capable of connecting emotionally during sex. If you choose to do it (and I did earlier on, so no judgement here), make sure it's for YOU, and that you have no expectations afterward.
He can't give you what he doesn't have. He can only get those emotions himself, from the inside, and he's nowhere near looking that direction yet.
I completely understand the feeling of desperately wanting that connection that we miss so much. I'm right there with ya, 2B. And it's lonely. And when you have a tiny taste of the old life, it gives us hope, and we naturally want to push for more....(the kiss).
It didn't surprise me that he was distant for the kiss request today. He's not relating yesterday's sex to affection today.
Keep your expectations at zero. I think that by having any expectations at this stage (the affection, the ring), that you will continue to feel let-down and frustrated.
Take today to claim your peace back again. My guess is that going darker and being more distant would be the best thing right now. I struggle with it myself, obviously. But I'm learning from you all here.
First, breathe. You're doing great. You're under an enormous amount of stress, and you're going to get through it. I know you will.
Take some time and feel what you feel. Let it out, but try not to let it take over.
When you can find that calm center again, just get back on the path. Take your mind off H.
Do something you love today. Even a small thing. Just for you. Take a relaxing bath with music, get nails done, go for a walk.... This wave will pass.
Another thing I'm told, is that no "one event" or bad day is going to ruin every bit of progress. It may not necessarily have any effect on things either way.
2B, I would apologize for bringing this ring thing up at the unfortunate time and offer support to H with dealing of his friend’s death. I’m sure he would be glad to accept that. But, that’s me. I had similar episode with H before BD, when I confronted him about the testing with a woman I didn't know and it was at the same time when he learnt about hid Dad’a passing. It was over the text. When he told me about his Dad, I quickly and sincerely apologized and he was actually relieved and accepted the apology. He needed my support at that time.
I would not back off on the ring though, just apologize for the timing of this.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thanks for the support. The rejection request for the kiss just sent me over the edge, but I can say I did not speak mean or yell or cry, just wanted him to take the ring and keep it with his.
I do have GAL planned for today, baby shower, birthday party, & fight party (son is able to go to bday and fight party, if he wants) so it will be a long fun day.
Tomorrow when I see H I will make sure to say something about his friends death. I had ask H earlier if he was ok and about his friend.
Thoughts about: The ring, so is leaving it with a note too dramatic, too much, too emotional.
I do truly feel that I'm done wearing it for now, I know I have gone back and forth with this ring, on or off...
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Wear it if you want to. Take it off if you want to. The meaning it has for you, and what feels "right" for YOU, is all that matters.
I would say "no" to the note. Sounds like expectations attached for a response you probably won't get....I think any response you may get would likely be negative.
Now, preMLC? Yeah, it would definitely send a message, and scare him, and he would probably want to talk, etc.....
He's off spinning in lalaland, thinking 12 million things that are not related to the M right now.
Yeah,, I have had this exact same advice before as it relates to my ring.
Ok so I will wear it IF I want, will not leave it with a note for H.
I also feel like I'm spinning...
Off to GAL
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
.