Dusting off my $h*+kickers.... Let's keep DIGGING!

[Mighty]

Hey Shining... I'm glad you held off. Usually when we respond, we thing, 'Oh, shoot! Why didn't I wait to hear back from him/her?'

Well, it seems like he is thinking about things. The best thing to do is to just let him. You know that. I think it is best for you. It was for me. The more space I gave, the stronger I became.

You are strong, though. You are good. I am so glad you planned the trip. My s is 17 and things are so different than we planned. I get it. It is like, sometimes I just do stuff, just because. There are things we had planned that we can't, yet there are things we would have talked about but xh would have put the kibosh on. So... I just go with it. I am proud of some of the things we have done.

I am so glad for you. You guys will remember this forever. You won't regret it. You probably would regret it if you didn't.

I'm very happy for you, Shining. That's so cool. You guys will have a great time. And a fantastic time to visit NY!

[Atsbaby]

Hey Shining,

Just catching up. Sorry about your text from H. I know it's hard to always remember it's not about you. Hang in there. Let him work out what he needs to. Hopefully he'll see that you are wonderful!

Read the book "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting" by Lynn Grabhorn. It's really good and positive. It teaches you how to think positive and how to come out of the sad and negative moods. I really enjoyed it.

I'm glad to hear about you and s18 taking a trip. That will be so wonderful for you both! Thinking and praying for you!!

[Shining]

Thanks, Mighty & Ats,

I just downloaded the book, Ats . Wow, yeah..... I need this one. Thank you.

I'm spinning my wheels a little bit....trying to use this "gift" of time to it's fullest. I've been to several interviews, and I'm advancing to second and third rounds.... But I'm freaking out a little.

I hate to say it.....but I'm not sure I want to stay in the profession I'm in. I'm not feeling it's where I belong anymore. I can't explain it.

I can do this stuff with my eyes closed. But it's not the least bit fulfilling. I get into my car after these interviews, and I feel like I'm coming out of my skin, thinking of working at these places.

I just have this feeling it's not where I'm supposed to be ....I probably sound like a weirdo. But I'm tuning in carefully right now.

So much has changed already, and continues to change in my life. Maybe I'm meant to reevaluate my direction, too. Or, maybe I'm thinking too deep....

Here's the thing: I'm looking at my "merged list" and I'm seeing some very telling stuff.....I lost a lot of myself when I changed careers 8 years ago.

Not sure whether this warrants a full-on change. Just something to consider.

Has anyone else here had this happen before?

[daring]

Shining- I didn't used to do girls trips ever. I always spent my time with family. But a little before and since BD I have gone on some ( sometimes with friends, sometimes my daughter) and found its a great time to unwind. Some are big trips and some are just a day or two.
No matter what happens with H and my M, I think I will keep those trips up.
What a special thing to do for your son- and for yourself! Can't wait to hear about it.

Ats that book sounds great- I'm going to have to look it up!

[uRworthy]

Hey S. First of all, good job on the texting. But yea, let him lead. It's good to just let him say his thing and leave it. He knows exactly where you are, ya know?

Ok, this is so strange. I have felt a connection from the start with you. It happens every once in awhile for me.

I am feeling exactly as you are right now. I have been doing my job for a very long time. I loved it for a long time. But I have been feeling like it isnt where I should be any longer.

But I have put off doing anything about it for several reasons. They have now cut my hours so they dont have to give me medical benefits. It is the second time they have done this.

I feel like the universe is trying to get me to hear what I have been feeling for some time.

I feel as if I am being pulled somewhere else. I cant quite explain it.

I am on a new journey of trying to sort this all out. It is a difficult one because of my age and my skillset.

But it is so strong..this feeling that I should be doing something else. It is very unsettling and scary, to be honest. I just keep praying for direction.

So, no you arent crazy. Or maybe we both are. LOL!

[Shining]

Woah, uR, I get it. The connection. I really do.

I, too, hesitate to do anything different.....age and qualification. I feel I'm being pulled to do something with more meaning, more aligned with who I am meant to be. And my resume.....that ain't it.

The resume? It's what I can do. It's not who I am.

If it makes me like you, I'll take crazy, any day!! Twice!

How are you going about sorting it out? I'm praying, waiting for answers, too. I have ideas, then I dismiss them...then they come back... Urgh.

I started a business when I was 27. I don't know who I thought I was....but I want her back, lol. It went for 11 years. I closed it when I D. I had to.

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Sinning,

I know exactly where you are at with the job. I am in the same position. Every interview I go on I come out feeling like I will be settling. That I will just be trudging through life working towards the end.

I think part of the process we have been thrust into with our situations is looking at ourselves and asking what do we want to change. I know in my case I want more out of working. I don't want someone else deciding my life for me. I want to enjoy things and not just get up and go to work as it is right now.

I have decided to take the advice I have been giving my daughters as they get ready to head off to college. I have told them to find something the love. Don't look just for the dollars. Find something that they are drawn to, something that expresses who they are.

I am looking back at my experience right now. looking at the things I enjoyed doing, whether for a job or for fun. I will look at those things and figure out how I can support myself and my children. If I find a job that meets that requirement great. if I don't then I need to figure out how to create one.

[uRworthy]

Hey, my friend. That girl is coming back. Can you feel it?

I am doing a lot of soul searching. I,too, want to do something with meaning and that fills me up. Financially, I am still in a big mess from all of this. Not sure that will ever be sorted out.

But I do know that my life is not where I want it to be right now. A large part of that is that I want to figure this out. It matters to me...who I am, what I have to offer.

I research a lot. I am reaching out more. This is too important. I am trying to find some direction.

[2BHappy]

Shinning
When you feel something,,,take the time to really think on it before acting on it.

Do you have another type of career you would be interested in.

With my H MLC or whatever...it has opened my eyes as I started to focus on me and working on myself,,

Same is probably happening with you,,hang in there, think on it, pray on it, the answer will come.

[Shining]

Thank you, 2B. It is a thoughtful process, for sure....I'm hoping I'll look back on this time, and be grateful for these lessons. Right now, it's not so fun.

It's kind of like childbirth....like there's this excruciating pain one has to go through, to "birth" this new chapter of life..... I want an epidural, stat.



Ok, DB Dream-team,

Question regarding detachment, for anyone who has really gotten there....you, know, muffins and bacon and stuff:

For the most part, I'm ok being alone. It's not my preference, but I'm not running out there finding dates to fill this void.

I'm feeling this deep pit in my gut, and it boils down to the loss of companionship. That I don't have my best friend anymore just to bounce ideas off of, share funny moments about the kids or the dog, just everyday life things.

I know better than to go out and find a bandaid for my pain.

I think what I'm missing is the feeling of being connected to others. Besides this board, I have my kids and their activities, and no real outside connections.

I'm laying low with my IL's, and they know this and respect me for it. We were very close prior to S.

My friends are neutral, and respectful. But the sense that there's this elephant in the room, topic of H and I.... Makes it difficult to just "be". That's my own discomfort, I know. I am not "evolved" enough yet, for lack of better term, to be ok in my own skin around those that know our sitch. I'm getting there, but it won't happen overnight.

So, back to my question.......

What are some ways to overcome this feeling of disconnectedness?

How have others done this? (Assuming I didn't invent it. )

Once I'm more confident, I'm guessing it will get easier. Even if I felt 100% amazing about myself, I would still want to be connected to others.