WAW still at home, 3 weeks after asking for D

[bdub]

Finally was able to start harvesting last night. This is going to bring in a whole new dynamic into my DB. I will be working late nights and long weekends for the next 6 weeks at least. Typically during harvest I get rushed and stop being polite and considerate. Typcially the stress from trying to get it all done shows on me and I become short tempered and even demanding. In the past it has been my W's "job" to bring me meals and help me move from field to field.
This year, even though I am starting over 2 weeks late, I will 180 by slowing down, being more thoughtful, and trying to not work until 3 in the morning. When and if she brings me meals I will stop what I am doing and spend a few minutes with her and be grateful for her efforts. I will make sure that I pack something along with me so I dont need her to bring me food.

Anyone reading this please say a quick prayer for us. I pray for a safe and bountiful harvest. I pray for gods will to be done and I pray for peace and tranquility in our home. I pray for strength. I pray for strength for my W as she now is a "single parent" for this busy time of year.

[Maybell]

Those are good prayers. You're on my list.

[bdub]

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers maybell.

I rarely comment on your thread but I have been following your "wordy" sitch since I started on this board. I admire you and your dedication. You have been a great insperation to me these past few months.

[labug]

This year, even though I am starting over 2 weeks late, I will 180 by slowing down, being more thoughtful, and trying to not work until 3 in the morning. When and if she brings me meals I will stop what I am doing and spend a few minutes with her and be grateful for her efforts. I will make sure that I pack something along with me so I dont need her to bring me food.

This sounds like it would be a big 180 for you. If she was bringing you meals, that's a big deal. I think anyone male/female likes to be appreciated for their work. This time of year is stressful for her too. When you start seeing the world from another person's POV, you learn so much about them and about you.

Have you noticed how many situations here contain the factor of husband's who are slaves to their work? Sometimes it's the W but the majority is the H. Of course this could be skewed because more women seek help.

[bdub]

Labug,
It is amazing how many peoples lives are adversely effected by their job. Normally I am a 9-5 office work guy but in the spring and fall I farm. Farming has been a great source of joy in our R and in my life, and it has also been a great source of stress.
Until this, I never really realized how much she sacrificed so that I could chase this dream and work to pass the farm down to the next (7th !!) generation.

[bdub]

Expectations:

Dropping S10 off at basketball tryouts and staying for the parent meeting. W normally does her workout in town from 6-7 and then goes to basketball to pick up S10. Comig out of the parent meeting I don't see W's car anywhere and its well past time for her to be there. I call W and leave a msg. 20 minutes later I call again. 20 minutes later I call again and leave a msg stating I am on my way to get him. Halfway there she calls me back and tells me she will get him.
Expecting common courtesy leads to headaches with a WAW.

[Ahoy]

I wonder what would have happened had you not called her at all?

Does your son have a phone, and would he have taken the initiative to contact her?

The reason I ask is because one of my 180s is not nagging my H to remember things (he is very forgetful). This is difficult because the consequences can and do affect my daughter. However, because she is 14 and has a phone, if he is late to pick her up or forgets something, then she can call him (or call me if she can't get in touch with him). Then my H would have to deal with the consequences of having D upset with him. This is very hard for me to stand by and not intervene, but it is a growing opportunity for both of them, and it keeps me from looking like the nag/bad guy.

Just an idea -- but it really depends on your kids, if they have a phone, and if they are comfortable with that.

[labug]

Labug,
It is amazing how many peoples lives are adversely effected by their job. Normally I am a 9-5 office work guy but in the spring and fall I farm. Farming has been a great source of joy in our R and in my life, and it has also been a great source of stress.
Until this, I never really realized how much she sacrificed so that I could chase this dream and work to pass the farm down to the next (7th !!) generation.

My best friend was in a family farm marriage like that and she decided, luckily before they had kids, that she wasn't really cut out for it. As a "stars in your eyes in love" 21 yr old you don't really understand it until you've lived it or you share the same family-farm history.

Your W teaches right? So the fall is crazy-time for her work, too. We put so much pressure on our Ms.

[labug]

Expectations:

Dropping S10 off at basketball tryouts and staying for the parent meeting. W normally does her workout in town from 6-7 and then goes to basketball to pick up S10. Comig out of the parent meeting I don't see W's car anywhere and its well past time for her to be there. I call W and leave a msg. 20 minutes later I call again. 20 minutes later I call again and leave a msg stating I am on my way to get him. Halfway there she calls me back and tells me she will get him.
Expecting common courtesy leads to headaches with a WAW.

Was she late getting him? Was b-ball over when you were there? I
m confused.

[bdub]

S13 has a phone now, S10 does not. Looking back on it, I way over reacted.
The point of my post was that I expected W to call me back to let me know she was going to get S10. I expected her to be there well before pick up time, as she had been for the previous 5 or 6 occasions. When she was not I called to make sure we were on the same page regarding schedule arrangments. Going forward I will not do that anymore. It will be up to her. If she fails, she fails. I know it will hurt the boys, but I cannot continue to protecting them from her WAW syndrome all the time.

Saturday we were at S10s football game. It was a real nail biter that went into OT. Towards the end of regulation W stood up and said "I have to meet gf in town in 20 minutes, take both boys home pls" and walked off. I was floored because I expected her to be interested in watching S10 play football. It's not like he was not playing. He is the starting QB and starts on defense too.

I have found that I can gauge my detachment by the number of "expectation" issues I have. I was not very detached this weekend.

Unrelated to expectations, but related to S10: As we were leaving he asked where his mom was. S13 told him.
S10 had thrown the winning td pass. The mile wide grin dissapeared when he heard she had left. As s10 and I watched Sunday night football last night he told me that W had not asked him how things turned out. The pain was obvious. I held it together until he went to bed but I shed tears for the first time in 3 weeks.