Glad you are regrouping some Shining- you really are doing awesome!
That pain they have, the " I can't go back to us" is so not about us but about their internal struggles. But d@mn it hurts!!
The more work I do on myself to discover my old wounds, the more I'm able to not " accept" the negative things that H has said about me and our M. I am far from perfect- but as UR said somewhere- we did the best we could with the tools and resources we had at the time.
NY sounds awesome- I might have to put that on my list for a girls trip!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Thanks, daring. I wish I felt awesome, but I'll get there. There is no alternative.
NY girls trip would be fun!! Do you travel with the girls often?
My trip will be myself and my S18. When he was 10 years old, he was doing a project on the Statue of Liberty. He asked me if I would take him there one day. I told him when he graduates HS we will go.
Well, that plan went on hold last spring....when life flipped upside down.
Then, this past summer, we all reevaluated our lives, naturally. After some long and deep discussions, S18 decided to change his original plans, and enlist to actively serve our country. Needless to say, I was unprepared for this.
He said he would not enlist if I was against it, out of respect for me. He had done his homework, beyond any depth of research he has ever done. He looked at everything, good, bad, ugly. I knew he just had to do this.
When he tested in, he scored very high. He had his pick of MOS...and he's going to do some pretty cool, high-level work one day. It is going to be a life changing experience for him. This is the beginning of his journey as an adult.
The house is sold. I have a little money from it. I have no job, but I have the time. He will be on active duty for 4 years. This is an opportunity we may never have again.
So, what the he//. We're doing it. Job or no job, I'll figure out a way to recover from he expense. I doubt I'll regret it.
I am sorry about the news from your h. As URworthy stated that even though it's not new info, I do understand that it hurts. You are a smart, funny, so wonderful lady who is a great mom. You are the prize. Maybe your h realizes that one day. Who knows? The person who needs to see what a prize you are is Shining. Sparkly, effervescent Shining.
Hang in there, my friend:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
That rejection thing? Yup, even though I was perfectly aware that stbxw could choose D, and that I was ready to accept that, and even though I was Mr. Sooper-Dooper detached (I kinda fooled myself a bit there), it slammed me hard when she finally made the decision.
And it still will creep up on me from time to time, though I know what UR said (which my stbxw verified in different words):
Quote:
He isnt rejecting you. He is hating himself. He cannot feel better. It is really sad.
But my ego still gets the better of me occasionally.
Look at that new merged list of yours... pretty sad he's willing to risk losing that, huh?
It's a process, it will get better, hang in there!
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I applauded you for taking this trip with your son. I am in the same boat as you right now with no job. Like you I am saying life is too short to stop living. I am planning a trip for early next month to do something I have always wanted to do but couldn't. Right now is our time to live and move forward. We can't let this stuff drag us down.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
At first, I was going back and forth deciding about the trip. After committing to do it, and then reading the support here....I'm even more certain it's the right thing to do.
"START SPREADIN' THE NEWWWWWWWWWS......."
Update from today: H would normally (preMLC) make a plan and follow through the next day, until it's done. I was afraid I would hear more about splitting things and D plans today. Nope. Not a word about it.
Soooooo.........I'm glad you all held me off from responding. Who knows what will happen, and if he'll file. I'm in a better place to accept whatever comes. Not completely ready....what with me being human and all... But better.
H and I started the day with word games, but no texting. Late this afternoon, he started texting.
He said he wanted me to come over tonight. Then he sent another text and said he can't.
I responded.
Me: No worries. Are u ok?
H: I'm ok.
Me: I'm glad your ok.
H: I am going to lay low and take care of me.
Me: good for you.
H: I will be cleaning instruments and posting on eBay, hang with dog and chill. I need that.
Me: Thank you for telling me. Have a good night.
Then this....
H: I'm ridiculously attracted to you.
Me: Thank you. I am he same. Very attracted to you, too.
Then nothing for a couple of hours. I had a weird feeling. I sent one more, I probably shouldn't have.
Me: I won't bother you tonight. I heard you, and I'll give you your space. If you ever get dark thoughts again, I can be a friend, no pressure.
H: thank you.
So, I'm home. Fun Festive Friday night of laundry and cleaning my closet..... I may even get wine. I'm feeling better.
But better.