Hey Brooklyn, Hope you are OK. We're all worried about you after that last post. Let us, your friends on the LBS train with you, know what's up and how we can help! Hang in there!
Sorry to hear that, BK. It's difficult to move on the way you *may* move on if you have kids. It's extra people in the equation. I'm not saying one is more difficult than the other (everyone's pain is their own)although you have other people's best interests, thoughts, feelings and schedules to take into consideration. It's s challenge and I'm sorry your xh is being difficult.
Can I ask you a question? I know your x will send emails playing the victim. How is he when you have to interact in person??
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Oh, Brook! I feel ya! I noticed at work the other day I had traced "I hate you" on an index card over and over. It was so deep and dark. Geesh! I don't always feel that way, but it is there... they know how to bring that out, huh?
It was a moment of... hmmmmm.... what's a good word here....
.... well, BK, whatever it was... it was a moment that passed and the feeling was fleeting... (momentarily?) I feel ya! I am glad you are doing well. Let it out when you need to. It is better than keeping it in.
Thank you all so much for your speedy replies and internet hugs. I am so grateful for my friends here.
Yes Mighty - exactly!!! all those things. All of them.
I know I still have so much resentment.
I also wonder what type of person would ever inflict this much pain.
It is usually awkward and weird when I see my ex. I don't like how I feel when I am near him. I feel like I standing next to my abuser. I don't feel like me.
I trusted this man completely and did not see this coming at all. He has beat me up over the past 3 years blaming it all on me while he develops a new relationship.
I feel like I have been violated and he is the perpetrator.
I need to move past that eventually.
Think I will stay up a little longer then snuggle up with my little girl who fell asleep in my bed. Lucky me
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Just got this email from exH. Its so banal and boring yet it irks me so much.
""just thinking about the holidays....
halloween is on my weekend. would you prefer spending halloween night with them and i pick them up saturday?
last year the girls were with me for thanksgiving? whatever you wanna do this year. ( i don't have plans yet with my family)
my family is gathering in lowell on dec13 (which falls on one of my weekends)
and last year the girls were with you xmas eve and morning. so, that switches this year. i could pick them up either friday night the 19th or sat the 20th and bring them to you xmas day. that way they with each of us half the xmas break. i am planning on visiting jess' family after that.
please let me know what you think""
I wonder what I am doing wrong that I still hate him so much and each stupid email from him makes me emotional.
I see people on these boards who have recovered and let go. Why do I still dream and hold on? Why does it hurt? It still believe somewhere inside that I did something wrong to deserve this... my divorced life. I don't like "sharing" Christmas.
Thanks for being here everyone. I know how lucky I am to have found you guys and how lucky I am to have my girls 90% of the time.
Really, I am well. I just want to get to the point where his email don't even phase me
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
It hurts because it's not what you wanted. You loved your old life. I get you. I'm there, too. The key is to create a great holiday with what you have, and do things that fill your heart and make YOU happy. Regardless of him, you choose to be happy.
You did NOT deserve this. None of us did. It wasn't because you did anything wrong. It's not about you, remember that.
I think the answer to stop the hurting lies in part, in forgiveness. It's hard to forgive those who hurt us, and continue to hurt us. But it is absolutely necessary for your own freedom. It's not for him. It's for YOU.
Another part is remembering what is often repeated here, which is understanding that his choices are not within your control. His choices were incredibly hurtful, no disputing that. But what you can control are your reactions.
What can you do for yourself to keep from sliding into self-blame and despair? The words you wrote are familiar...I speak that language, too. I'm learning to remember my own worth. It's not a smooth process....I'm falling all over the place as I learn! But, even though I'm not where I want to be, I am catching the behaviors I have that keep me stuck.
Why are you holding onto the anger? I think part of it lies in your own words.."..I still believe that somewhere inside that I did something wrong to deserve this". <<<<< nope.
Please remember, the seeds for his crisis were planted long before you were even together. This was going to happen whether you were there or not. You didn't break him.
The holiday stuff is tough. I cried my first one without the kids. There was drama and tears, kids calling me having a terrible time...the good news? It gets better. It for sure will get better.
