Labug, I'm sorry, I'm dense. What are you not saying?
I am working to release what I can not control. I don't do well at home, but sometimes I have to be home to get things done. I'm distracting myself being on the board right now, but we have had an email exchange about something that was business related and of course we both touched on personal things for a moment too. It makes me wobble.
He's got to do what he's got to do. He's started the IC and he needs time to work with that for a while. I just am greedy.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Be patient. Focus on the things I CAN change. Listen and validate everyone I meet. Enjoy where I am. Treat myself with love. Release my expectations and make room for delightful surprises. BE HAPPY.
I'm going to print off about fifty copies of my mantra and put it all over the house. Then I'm going to get a Sharpie and write it on my hands. Both of them.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Labug, I'm sorry, I'm dense. What are you not saying?
I am working to release what I can not control. I don't do well at home, but sometimes I have to be home to get things done. I'm distracting myself being on the board right now, but we have had an email exchange about something that was business related and of course we both touched on personal things for a moment too. It makes me wobble.
He's got to do what he's got to do. He's started the IC and he needs time to work with that for a while. I just am greedy.
You're not dense. I'm not saying anything. You don't need it. You know where you need to get, there are just some big rocks (used to be boulders) in the way. Clearing them takes time and effort, sometimes a a little detour.
You're getting there.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Maybell, maybe it would help you to have a shortened version of your mantra. Something that you can memorize and repeat to yourself. Mantras can be very calming and thought-redirecting that way. Try something with a pattern of 3, that has a bit of rhythm as you repeat it.
Something like "Be patient, enjoy, release", for example.
Ss06, I love your mantra. I think I will adopt it. I think we have similar challenges!
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
In today's email exchange we've agreed we miss our friendship but aren't sure how to foster it safely. (I said it first but he replied with agreement and said it more strongly.)
He suggested doing things with the kids.
I don't want to reject opportunities to show him my awesomeness, but I feel like so much of our life pre-bomb was about the kids. I want to foster our private relationship before we go back to spending all our time together with the kids. I worry that doing family things would be more of the same, and he would see me as the mom and not as the woman he fell in love with.
I suspect I will hear some guidance saying I've got it wrong. I'm open to the wisdom and perspective of others so I'm taking time before I respond to him.
This place is hard -- to be speaking personally to him and restraining the ache I feel to be where we deserve to be with each other. I had put aside my love and now I feel it again. It's bittersweet; love is a wonderful feeling, unrequited love is painful.
I guess this uncertain place is one of the facets of new love that makes the first kiss and all those other pieces of a new relationship so delicious.
It occurs to me that taking off my ring was one of the things that helped me change gears and be open to this new phase. Interesting.
Looking forward to hearing thoughts about family outings.
Last edited by Maybell; 09/23/1404:30 PM.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Family outings are a great place to foster a friendship, I think, however, it's really more about the kids and less about a friendship, you know.
There's a fine line between hanging out as friends and "a date". The difference, I believe, is the expectations. Perhaps plan a get together (not a date) during the day that's casual but fun. Let's say bowling (encouraging, slight competition, lots of things to comment on, guaranteed fun and can be relatively short) maybe. This is a great time to have short unintense conversations (like the beginning of a new friendship) about moderately intimate things.
What do friends do? They talk, they laugh, they poke a little fun (not to be confused with flirting), they support, they encourage, they listen, they have inside jokes. Try to make the conversations NOT about the kids, but pull out an inside joke or start a new one.
You can do friendship. Allow yourself to remove the WEIGHT of your past and start the friendship anew for just the small amount of time you're together for that get together. Ask questions of him that you ask of your friends ("so whatever happened with that scenario at work?").
Let this be easy for you. It's friendship. You're GREAT at friendship.
