Hi everyone. Been looking on here for a while now. My sich is married 20 years together 25. all ok over the years ( or so I thought). Had lots of health problems re kidney transplants and wife has been fantastic. Great mother and my best friend. Had been on Dyalisis for the last 5 years and I wasn't any help around the house although I did go to work everyday to provide. Noticed wife unhappy the last few months after I got new kidney but when questioned she was always just tired. Since Iour first child was born my wife has had very little lsex drive. We have dealt with this even though it was never resolved. W started to volunteer at an animal shelter about two years ago and it's taken over her life. I fully understand she needs her own space but it has taken over. See has new friends, 20 years younger who she goes out with rarely and when she does she complains they are immature In fen she told me she no longer wants to have sex but loves me more than anything and can we stay together for the kids. I handled it very badly and things have gone downhill since to the point of desperate bedrooms and as wellness as separate lives. She is talking of moving out but nothing has happen yet. No one else involved to my knowledge just not in love with me any more. W is going through menopause but I don't think this is the issue just the catalyst. I have been leaving her to her own life and getting on with mine. We went to mc but it made it much worse. We are now seeing a life coach separately and while it's helping me resolve my issues he life coach says W is 50/50 on marriage. W and I still chat like its normal life every day and night but just can't see any way the love will comeback. Any thoughts please. I have been through the depressed stage and now at the why won't she work on it stage and just very sad for my part in causing this Situation
I don't have much advice, but I feel marriage is a choice, my h feels wanting to be married is a feeling. It would be easier if spouses understood that in order to get those feelings back, you have to respect the marriage, and do things differently than before. Which is sometimes work. But I guess that's why we're all here, one person wants the m, one has a foot out the door
M 2005 ~together 1997 Bd 2006 & 04/02/2014 1 dd 12 H~ 44 Me 48
Thanks for everyone reading my posts. Wife came home from work last night and our four children weren't overly excited to see her. She called me aside and said we need to talk about money as it was obvious that nobody wanted her in the house anymore. She then went on to tell me that she is no longer good friends with the guy from work and it was only ever good friends. We spoke about money and she started crying saying she would either go back to the uk or get a job ASAP and leave the house. She wants to comeback every day to cook and clean for the kids. She said she no longer considers me a friend because she feels I want her out. I told her I still love her but the choice to leave is hers. She called me this morning for a chat but it ended up with her putting the phone down. I know W is very confused but I'm not sure what to do. Any advice gladly received. Thanks
I don't have much advice, but I feel marriage is a choice, my h feels wanting to be married is a feeling. It would be easier if spouses understood that in order to get those feelings back, you have to respect the marriage, and do things differently than before. Which is sometimes work. But I guess that's why we're all here, one person wants the m, one has a foot out the door
With all of the resources and wisdom that is out there for building solid marriages, it hurts and frustrates me to know that the only thing really holding back our reconciliation is my WAW's inability or unwillingness to CHOOSE to work on it. Same could me said for most people here, I assume.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Card29. That is exactly how I feel. My W tells me she is not sure ! 4 children, 20 years and my W will be heading in to a bedsit at best. We have no savings so she has nothing to take or to start again. Her friend (!) is an alcoholic bipolar phyco who lives on the dole ??? Why not try to work it out Baffling
I don't have much advice, but I feel marriage is a choice, my h feels wanting to be married is a feeling. It would be easier if spouses understood that in order to get those feelings back, you have to respect the marriage, and do things differently than before. Which is sometimes work. But I guess that's why we're all here, one person wants the m, one has a foot out the door
With all of the resources and wisdom that is out there for building solid marriages, it hurts and frustrates me to know that the only thing really holding back our reconciliation is my WAW's inability or unwillingness to CHOOSE to work on it. Same could me said for most people here, I assume.
Yuuuuup. I mean, you can't control other people, but we LBSs know that if you put X amount of years into it, you have nothing to lose and only wonderful things to gain by putting in a little bit of effort; especially when the LBS is SO willing!
You can't get into the head of an alien, but it frustrates me, too.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Thank you all for commenting. Some times it feels like a nightmare. My W has always been so caring and loving I could never foresee this day and I still wake up in the bed alone with her upstairs and have to start all over again. My two daughters 13 and 10 come into me about 1 am most nights to sleep. I know my W adores them so you would think she would try for them and the boys Know W has to have a life but it feels like she wants the impossible. Thanks again to you all for posting
