Another boring day in the city. Last night H was out to dinner, he never tells me with whom, could be business clients, could be OW. He got home in time to have a special dessert with the girls, though. We chatted a little about the political fundraiser he had attended on Friday night, and that was about it. Still snoozing when I left the house this morning. Life in limbo goes on.
There's a conference in CA that my boss has asked me to attend in November. Unfortunately, H will also be out of town those same days. I don't have anyone to watch D11, no family within 800 miles and I don't know anyone at her new school well enough to ask. So not sure what I'm going to do there. I have my own friends who would willingly help me out, but she doesn't go to the same school as any of their kids and it would be very difficult, if not impossible, for them to drop her off and pick her up.
H hasn't mentioned whether he's found a new place or not since the other one fell through. S18 will be home for the weekend in about 3 weeks, and it was our plan to tell them then. Honestly, I hope he finds something and we can stick to that schedule. I'm tired of living in limbo and ready to try something else. I'll probably have a cry fest when he actually moves, but then I'll get over it eventually. And he's never going to have a chance to miss me if he doesn't go anywhere. The best I could hope for with him living in the house is that OW will get fed up with him and break it off. But no telling what kid of lies he's feeding her to keep her patient (no, honey, I don't even sleep in the same room......).
Well, boss just came in and told me I had to make a decision on the trip by 10am. That's an hour. I just found out yesterday, I feel like he didn't give me enough time to try and work it out. So, the answer is going to have to be no. That's a shame.
Tough break rppfl. Hopefully next time a trip like this comes along it will work out better.
I hear what you are saying about your H moving. My W is still at home. She has been "going next weekend" since July. Being in limbo [censored]. She needs to go to have a chance to miss me. However, the longer she stays the more impatient OM will become I guess. Trying to find the silver lining. Honestly, I am starting to hope she stays through the winter. being alone in the old farm house in the dark and cold of winter is depressing just to think about.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Can you take your D11 and get a family member to come with you as a treat? Or fly a family member in to help out? What about your D18?
Sorry about your conference...
S18 is away at college.
D16 and D11 don't get along well enough for me to feel comfortable with it being just the two of them, plus D16 doesn't drive, so neither one of them have a way to school (two different schools). She's also a Type 1 diabetic, which doesn't play a huge roll, but some; I wouldn't want to put D11 in the position of having to assume a caretaker roll for big sis if needed.
Taking D11 with me to the conference means she misses a lot of school, heavily frowned upon.
The only family member that might help out is H's sister, who lives in another state. But she has a 2-year old foster child living with her, so I'd have to bring them both, then it becomes the most expensive conference ever.
So.......given that I only have an hour to figure this out....I'm just gonna punt. But I appreciate your creative thinking, Maybell. ;-)
I hear what you are saying about your H moving. My W is still at home. She has been "going next weekend" since July. Being in limbo [censored]. She needs to go to have a chance to miss me. However, the longer she stays the more impatient OM will become I guess. Trying to find the silver lining.
bdub, right after BD, my main focus was to hold on until OW became the raging, nagging, complaining, b!tich that I am not. So far that hasn't happened, apparently. I know she's pressuring H to move out, he has said as much, but he's not changing his mind about her, as far as I know, anyway, that's mindreading of course.
I just can't imagine why on earth the OW would put up with him and his lies. And why would she want someone who cheats on his W? Not the man I'm looking for....unless it's my own H apparently! LOL
I am starting to wonder the same thing. How pathetic is this guy to want someone that lies, cheats, deceives and manipulates the way my W has.
We know that our WAS is in a fog and we have that long history and the kids. We know the person our S used to be, and can still be. We have seen the best and the worst of them. We spoke the words " til death us do part".
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
H hasn't mentioned whether he's found a new place or not since the other one fell through. S18 will be home for the weekend in about 3 weeks, and it was our plan to tell them then. Honestly, I hope he finds something and we can stick to that schedule. I'm tired of living in limbo and ready to try something else. I'll probably have a cry fest when he actually moves, but then I'll get over it eventually. And he's never going to have a chance to miss me if he doesn't go anywhere. The best I could hope for with him living in the house is that OW will get fed up with him and break it off.
Hi Rppfl,
FWIW, I think you're right, while it will be hard at first, things will probably be easier when he actually moves out. I have to say in many ways, my home is much more pleasant now. I hadn't really realized how grumpy and depressed H was until he was gone. It certainly sounds like his OW situation won't have a chance to resolve itself and "get real" until he removes himself. It's weird to tell someone things might bet better once they actually separate, but here we are........
It certainly sounds like his OW situation won't have a chance to resolve itself and "get real" until he removes himself. It's weird to tell someone things might bet better once they actually separate, but here we are........
It IS weird, isn't it? I never would have believed it. I've been so against his moving out all along, although I never tried to stop him. But when he told me his first place didn't work out, after I thought he had signed the lease, well.....it was odd to recognize my initial reaction as disappointment.
I have said all along that his moving out seemed like a deal-breaker for me, because it forces the issue of telling the kids. I can forgive an A, but not sure if I can forgive hurting my kids. But it's going to happen. And if that turns out to truly be a deal-breaker for me, then it does. His loss, some other man's good fortune. I was a pretty good wife, I think I'd be a great one next time around.
