Thank you Cali. I needed that. I was served today at work. Lots of tears and crying out to God. It's so hard when they do this. We have many children involved and I have to be able to function for their sake. I'm just in such grief.
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
My best friend had some good advice after I said something that was telling. After each sucker punch (search for appt, move out, angry rant, file for D, service of D papers), after a few days I would get to a point where I could safely coast. Meanwhile my WAW was/is working on the next speed bump. So instead of coasting (or hiding in the fox hole), he said I need to treat this thing as a battle and be in constant motion to help turn it around. Whether prayer, or anticipating the next move. I thought that was good advice.
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
I'm glad I know. It's better than being served not expecting it.
She did reply back to me stating she's sorry too and sorry that I could not make the (emotional) connections needed to keep this from happening.
That statement makes me angry. As if your failure to connect is 1) all your fault and 2) sufficient excuse to throw in the towel without concern for the consequences.
FunDad, we're with you. And, yeah, she got a big head start and that keeps you, me, and every other LBS playing catch-up. Keep DB'g. It's VERY hard to see, but off in the distance, behind the uncertainty is a better you, and a man prepared to walk through fire to teach his kids better than he was taught.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Yeah, we know they will placing the blame on us so I was not surprised. I just said "I understand" (neutral). In a way I'm glad she's following the WAW pattern (Just hopes she boomerangs). She also said that she had done everything that she could to save the marriage, also not true.
So I spoke with the receptionist at my lawyer's office, and they really helped me calm down a bit. I'll be able to completely refute a couple items in the petition that will put her petition in a negative light I think. Ironically, I'm using the same attorney that filed our last adoption. This helps me catch up because he has all of our family information. Unfortunately, the trial could dig up a bunch of negative issue, that will be tough.
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
Today ended nicely. Got to church, rocked the place on Drums (and heard an amazing message I needed), went to the pool, then had a beer with my neighbor who is very supportive.
It is a roller coaster however.
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
I saw her while I picking up kids today at her place. They had a family session at her house yesterday and the kids met with a therapist to discuss the divorce.
She did tell the kids this morning "We like Daddy". They were being grumpy. I guess that's good. I wanted to reach out and hug her so badly, but sadly, that's not ok now. I feel like she's carrying a heavy burden because she knows how bad she hurt me, and our kids. I wanted to say "Are you sure you want to do this?", but I don't think she can honestly answer that at this point. Very awkward.
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
So I went to see an attorney yesterday. My W's filing is asking for the moon, and my response will be to whittle it down as much as I can. On my side is the fact that it's incredibly irresponsible to adopt more children and the turn around and move/divorce. On her side is the fact that she filed first, has moved, has most the kids, and is setup in another residence that needs to be supported. What I'm told will happen at the end of the day is the court will make it as fair as possible to help make sure we can both support our respective household, pay our debt, and take care of kids (priority). I hope that's how it shakes out because I could live with that for now. Being able to stay in my home, get it fixed up, and make it a wonderful place for them to visit. It has the potential to nice enough to do weddings at if the kids choose to do that in the furture. Maybe the first one could be me and my wife, marrying again after divorce. Anyway, I feel better after speaking to my attorney, but the attorney noted she seems to have had some great advice setting me up for this. I hate to think that about my wife, but it appears to be all about the money now. How sad is that.
Odd feeling: Friday afternoon, I felt as if I walked through a door basically exiting me from the responsibility of being accountable for the decisions my wife is making now. Free from the responsibility of being her husband. It seemed strange, peaceful, and secure in a way. I feel if I can get some financial security, that will be the last hurdle to setting my mind free of the nightmare that's been handed to me and truly detaching.
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
Had most of the kids today. Hate that feeling of despair as your family leaves to go to "their place". It's wrong. So so so wrong. God when will she wake up?
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
