Of course hearing he is marrying someone has you slightly spinning. I consider that a normal reaction to have since you once committed to spending your entire life withhim. His continued cruelty and lack of acknowledgement of the pAin He has caused his family - that is what is usual behavior.
Give yourself permission to grieve. It's okay.
Then go on your date
Last edited by BklynMom; 09/17/1401:57 AM.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
WH, Geesh! I have always followed your sitch. I took a week off recently, and it seems like I've missed A LOT with you. I'm so sorry you are feeling so distraught.
What is weird is that our sitches are different but the same. Our xh's are totally engaged in a different r, to like, the point of no return. It STINKS! It HURTS! Your emotions are so similar to mine, it's crazy, but know... I GET IT!! Don't question them, I think it's totally normal for an abnormal situation.
I feel like, wait.... They are carrying on with this like it is so OK, and fine. It seems like others are going along... Am I missing something or crazy because IT'S NOT RIGHT! I totally feel ya. I question myself because they are acting like it's awesome. Well, they aren't.
Try so hard to detach from this. I know it is so easy for me to say and so difficult for me to do. Just remind yourself, they are living in such a whirlwind of crazy and you don't want anything to do with it. Wherever they land- it's not your deal. Remove, remove, remove yourself from it.
I know how it is to deal with your kids and the sitch. I am not sure how old your kids are, but I know it puts you in a tough position.
I'm sorry WH. I know it hurts. I know it makes you question so many things, feel things you've never felt, question things you never thought you would. It is tough, but so are you. You don't want part of that crazy. Step away and let him take control. He will see.
You know he won't be "truly" happy. That quick, c'mon. You can't count on someone else to make you happy. And you can't find happiness until you've dealt with the demons inside. Has he? I think not. He may feel excitement. That is totally different than happiness and love. Excitement is overrated and wears of quickly.
Don't sweat it. Keep perspective. Know you are better than this. You don't want this kind of crazy. You are good. You can do this. Focus on you, WH.
Thanks BK and Mighty. Helps to know people are in my corner.
I hate that I am so floored by this wedding. I am not surprised. I knew it was coming and yet I am shocked. I guess I never thought he would really go through with the wedding. I thought he would string her along but I was wrong. I was under the impression things were starting to hit rock bottom for them. I guess it doesn't make any difference to J. He's not marrying her because he loves her. He's marrying her for different reasons. He would probably tell me she needs someone to take care of her and he feels bad for her. But truth is he needs someone to take care of him sick as that is.
He's a real con artist is what he is. A liar and a con artist. I wish someone would expose him for the fraud that he really is. I wish someone would bring him to his knees. I wish it could be me, but I need to keep my distance.
I have gone from shock to sadness to anger to being sick to my stomach. I feel dead inside. He's out of the county and he made a huge deal about making sure he could FaceTime and talk to the kids and he hasn't called once. He called Sunday before he got on the plane. He called S tonight because S called him asking him if he could go to a function with a friend and Then told S he wasn't back until Thursday so to clear it with me. But never called me to talk to D or asked S to let him talk to D. So much for missing the kids. He's such a phony.
Oh well. J will never change. And I guess he's not my problem anymore. And I think you guys are right, as more time goes on I'll be picking up more responsibility for the kids. I think since D wandered off at the campground last month, J has been more critical about OW's care of the kids. But that remains to be seen.
I am just gonna keep some distance from J for a while. I think it's best. My mom made a comment about how when we were all on vacation last month I was like a totally different person. I said it was because J wasn't around and I only needed to deal with him once a day at best. She said what does that tell you?
So now I have a date. Still weird. Dating at 43? I never thought I would be dating at this point in my life. I hope dating goes better the second time around. Lol!
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Me too, G! yeesshhh... Never even been on one! Been with h since high school. Back then we would find somewhere to park and drink beer. I think I'm beyond that now. Let's hope.
I hope if I do ever go, you can hold my hand, too??!!
Too bad we couldn't form a practice date group. One where people get to practice dating with other members and get critiqued without any of the hangups of real dating. Get our feet wet without possibly getting hurt.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
View it as a social experiment and give it a whirl when the time is right. Relax. Remember that you are just meeting people. Maybe you meet someone you like. Just remember that if you go out with someone, you don't have to jump in a R says dating guru to others:-) (one day I will have to take my own advice)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
You know when I was younger whenever a relationship didn't work out I would dust myself off and move on without a hiccup. This is so different. When I got married I stopped looking. Never had any desire to date. It's like reprogramming my brain. It has been three years but I still have no desire to date. I guess I should consider it like meeting a friend for coffee.
I have no expectations really. But it's still nerve-wracking. What do you wear? What do you talk about? Etc. I'm making this a bigger deal than it really is.
I am still reeling a bit and it irritates me. I feel like I am on pins and needles waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like J is plotting against me. Great...now I am becoming paranoid. Ugh.
I haven't heard from my IC. I wish he would get back to me. I need some sense knocked into me.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Wear something you feel good wearing. Smell good. Look in the mirror and smile. Relax and have fun. Dog conversation is good conversation.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Gawd I still feel sick to my stomach. I don't know if it's the upcoming date or the wedding news that has me feeling like this?
I just feel like something is up. Not sure what it is, but my sixth sense is going off like gangbusters. I have been feeling this way for over a week now. Not sure what's up? But I can't shake it. I hate this. I feel like the other shoe is going to drop.
This reminds me of how I felt pre-BD when J was overseas on his trip before he "decided" to end our marriage and go all Match.com. Something isn't right and I can't put my finger on it.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
