I should add that I'm really proud of how I've reached out to so many people to help with my job hunt and proud of myself for how I conducted myself in the interview. I have become more willing to believe people have a high opinion of me and that I offer value.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Sometimes you have to listen more carefully. I am SURE people express to you how valuable you are... are you listening? Or do you just deflect it because it can't be true?
Listen more carefully... you'll hear or see just how valuable you are.
I am celebrating with you, Maybell, for what it's worth! Congratulations on getting back out there. Don't let him take this moment away from you. Whatever you decide, and you're right that it's entirely your decision, celebrate the fact that you have opportunities and a network. I'm sure you'll follow your gut and do what's right for you. If you take the lower-paying job that allows for more of a work-life balance, then he will have to pay more child support. Having extra time may be right for you right now. However, like they say on the airplanes, put the mask on yourself first, then the kids. If you think that going for a more ambitious opportunity might be better for you in the long term (and make you less reliant on his support), then that's a valid option as well. But the choice is entirely yours! Embrace that power!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Because I like the idea of being independent, and financial support is an additional tie that keeps us bound.
I do not want to have an ex-husband.
Really, finances, kids, shared history... So many inescapable reasons why you CAN'T really leave a marriage, only the potential for the good in the marriage.
He took D11 for her evening with him. She went very reluctantly. He doesn't understand why, thinks she's just being prickly when she really just wants an evening to sack out at home. And I'm all hurt and queasy.
Sometimes just hating him for blowing up our life seems like the easiest path to self-defense. Too bad it's so destructive.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I don't know your financial situation, mine may be different, but my L told me I should consider.a lump sum payment in lieu of alimony. Then you would need a good investment plan for it of course. Something to consider.
I have no problem taking H's money the rest of my life. I earned every penny.
Really, finances, kids, shared history... So many inescapable reasons why you CAN'T really leave a marriage, only the potential for the good in the marriage.
This really resonated with me.
My husband doesn't seem to realize that a divorce only changes things on paper but when kids are involved we're in each others lives forever AND he'll be paying A LOT for a LONG time. You'd think that AND the understanding of what it does to the child(ren) would be motivation enough to work on it.
Why is it more to ask of someone to work on a marriage than it is to pay LOTS of money and potentially ruin a whole host of things for the kids?
It's hard not to see their lack of effort towards the marriage as punitive. "I've put up with so much chit, I'm leaving" instead of a mature, adult discussion of, "hey, the way this is going isn't working, clearly. What can we do differently?"
But, no.
sorry, total hijack and impromptu vent. Sheesh, where'd that come from?
My husband doesn't seem to realize that a divorce only changes things on paper but when kids are involved we're in each others lives forever AND he'll be paying A LOT for a LONG time. You'd think that AND the understanding of what it does to the child(ren) would be motivation enough to work on it.
Why is it more to ask of someone to work on a marriage than it is to pay LOTS of money and potentially ruin a whole host of things for the kids?
It's hard not to see their lack of effort towards the marriage as punitive. "I've put up with so much chit, I'm leaving" instead of a mature, adult discussion of, "hey, the way this is going isn't working, clearly. What can we do differently?"
But, no.
sorry, total hijack and impromptu vent. Sheesh, where'd that come from?
It could have come out of my own mouth, that's where. I don't think he has a clear picture of how much this is gonna cost. That alone would make me reconsider.
When I said something to H early on about how expensive this would be for him, and how that could make it worth it to try first, his responses were "you shouldnt stay with someone just because of money" and "it will be expensive to spend lots of money on counseling and trying AND then all of the divorce stuff" because in his mind trying was highly unlikely to do anything. Got similar responses from the two lawyers I consulted when I said maybe H would reconsider when he sees how expensive it is to live in our house by himself "but you wouldn't want money to be the reason he comes back, would you?" Well, not the only reason, but it's a place to start. Wouldn't surprise me if these H's are getting similar messages/thoughts ($ shouldn't be a factor message). Grrr.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
