I don't feel that it always has to be an event. It can come from anywhere at anytime.
Often, it starts as simply a thought in one's head, that maybe they aren't this or that.
Mach, I had no idea it could work that way. I get that now...because of a thought or a comment...it's like I look for proof of why my thought is correct. And I'm feeding it.
I seriously thought I was crazy, or had some memory loss or must have blocked out some kind of trauma....because I had no "legitimate" reason to feel this way.
I don't feel that it always has to be an event. It can come from anywhere at anytime.
Often, it starts as simply a thought in one's head, that maybe they aren't this or that.
Mach, I had no idea it could work that way. I get that now...because of a thought or a comment...it's like I look for proof of why my thought is correct. And I'm feeding it.
I seriously thought I was crazy, or had some memory loss or must have blocked out some kind of trauma....because I had no "legitimate" reason to feel this way.
I got some stuff to do...
To expand a bit, well, cause I can...
Often times, the behavioral pattern creates a trigger in our brain, where we get accustomed to thinking a certain way, because we do it every day, or week, whatever....
If every time you drive past a Petsmart, you adopt a Cat...
Eventually, when you see a Petsmart, you aren't going to think about the 437 Cats you already have...your brain has been programmed to stop and get a Cat...regardless any rational thinking on your behalf...
Hello 438 !!!
So while I do NOT endorse another person's thoughts controlling our own thoughts and actions, there are cases in which we allow another person to set certain triggers within our own brain...
Your trigger for feeling unworthy may be something that has been a thought inside of yourself for years...
YOU have to find that trigger...
Journal when you feel this way, what you are doing, where you are at, etc....
In what areas of your life do you feel this way ??
With love, parenting, friendship, jousting ???
Define WHEN those feelings encompass you, and think about WHY you feel that way, when they happen....
I don't feel this way as a parent. And, I'm a champion level jouster, soooo....lol....
I feel it in my love life FOR SURE. And I'm seeing it now around men, in general. I get intimidated and shrink. I noticed it at my last job. It was strange. I hadn't worked with all men like that before. I've never been so mousy a day in my life....then, there I was.
I'm starting to feel it more around female friends, too. Disconnected, I don't fit in...exactly what GB said. I feel myself acting as though I'm "not one of them", and I pull back. I wonder if it comes off that I don't want to connect....I can't quite explain it yet.
I was noticing at a parent meeting at school last night, I sat alone in the back. Watched all the other parents, single and coupled. It was like I walked into the room, and even though I arrived at the same time as them, they were "together", or "all in on the joke" ... I'm probably not coming across well in writing..... Just out of the loop, really. That's not who I used to be when I was younger at all.
The Why? With love, I can't receive it, because I don't believe it's deserved. And I keep trying to "earn" it by doing things and trying to be perfect. Men in general, I am intimidated, and afraid of being judged as stupid, or (ok this won't make sense...) I'm afraid of being "hit on". Idk Friends, I'm afraid if I put myself out there, I'll be rejected. That they'll look at me funny. That I won't have anything of value to contribute to a conversation, so I don't.
That's some of it.....
T, I'm on number 7. Stuck. Can I count my toes separately??
Ok, so, now you met my other good friend, Mach. Here's a warning. He can be cryptic. Yea, that's right, Mach, I said it and I aint scardt. Not one bit.
Shining, dont get overloaded here..like I know you can.;) It's ok to take a few days to get your mind around what they are posting.
But we do want you to get to that good place...you know, where there's bacon and stuff.
Lol, uR....consider me forewarned. I kinda dig cryptic... But, I'm weird like that.
I'm definitely overloaded, but it's at an energizing level. Things are coming up... I'm writing them down. Not sure yet how they relate. Right now it doesn't matter. I'm going through, asking questions and brain-purging.
I'm going to need a few days for sure.
But......Do you know what's really good about this?
God gave me this gift of time, without H, and without a job. I believe I was plucked out of my life, and everything stopped for reasons I can't see yet. But, I know I'd be foolish to ignore this opportunity.
The house closes on Friday, so I'll have a little money. The money isn't billions, but it gives me the ability to take my time in the job search, and make good decisions on many, many things.
In addition to working on myself, I'm going to take full advantage of the time I have with my twins before they move away in a couple of months. I haven't posted much about that. It's a looming event.....I'm dreading this transition. It will be difficult to adjust to more change, for sure. I need to be strong enough to handle this, too.
I recognize things are exactly the way they are supposed to be..... Whether I like it or not, lol.
I'm choosing to like it.....well, not liking THIS chit...but I trust you all that I will. Today is scary.
Sooooo......these guys are your "friends", huh..... Pretty perceptive bunch, you all are.... I'm not going to get away with much, am I?
