Settlement will be signed soon. Need advice.

[MrBond]

"Why now?
Any of the vets care to weigh in on that question or any of the ones above?"

Here's the answer. Stop trying to read into why she is or isn't doing something. You aren't going to get any answers by guessing. The only person who knows why she's doing what she's doing is her.

Don't spend your time and waste your effort on something that you could be totally off base about. Keep concentrating on you.

[NewB3]

Thank you Mr. bond.

[NewB3]

Is there a post divorce DB book anyone can recommend?

[NewB3]

So today, post divorce, everything is falling into place. I do not make phone calls to WAW unless it's something I absolutely need. However working through the lid just sticks of separating money, and taking care of final papers, We are talking more. This talking is always started from her with the phrase hey I have some logistics things to talk about.
This no longer makes me anxious or tents I know that it's talking business when it comes up. There is no relationship talk. And when she wants to know something about my home purchase or anything I wait for her to ask. Today she called me to ask some banking questions I answer them and then got off the phone. I am now working my way home and she is called two more times today. She also asked about my home this last call and seems very happy. With a smile on my face I gave her all the details. She said well that's good that everything is falling into place and we're getting all this logistic stuff taken care of so we can not have to focus on that stuff.
My question here is…if I'm vague and give her just simple answers, and tried to be the one to end the conversation first, what good is this? I love her very much, and want to be her friend. That being said, I know being her friend is all I have right now, but once I move I really want to just go dark for a little while. I know I will stay busy painting and doing things around the house to make it comfortable for me. As well as continuing my one 80s and changes that I've made in my life.

[NewB3]

So doing one 80s I've been doing laundry and if my laundry load is small enough I grab hers or do S3 .5 laundry. I have been extra careful with her delicate clothes to make sure that they are drip dry and not thrown in the dryer I am prompt to remove them from the dryer as they don't wrinkle. I see her get very stressed with S3 .5. As part of detaching I do not interfere unless she asks me to or calls my name for help. She needs to see what it's going to be like with me not around. This morning he was being very rude to her and she was grabbing some of her laundry I had done. Taking out her frustrations on a shirt and trying to straighten the wrinkles out of it as it was drip dried. She tells me I no longer need to do her laundry. As sometimes if it's left in the dryer she has to rewash them or if they're left in the washer and they smell like mildew she has to rewash them. Funny thing is I think they've been left in the washer one time and I rewash them and I've been left in the dryer one time and I took care of it she has never had to lift a finger with those things in the past six months. If she has had to do that it was something of her own doing. So she asked that I not do her laundry anymore that she can take care of it after her complaint I said I don't think I've ever read your laundry if anything I've been extra careful to make sure I hang things that need to be drip dried or could be drip dried. I didn't said that is fine I will not do your laundry anymore. As I walked out of the room I said I simply grab your laundry if my load of laundry was too small to try and help out however I'm done with that I will not do it anymore. I then asked S3 .5 if he wanted to go with me and run some errands. He said no and she immediately said where are you going I told her I had some errands to run and then she followed with what when will you be back. I asked her when she needed me back and she said she was just asking for a time because she wanted to go to a store. I then asked S3 .5 one more time if you wanted to go with me he said no. She then asked him if he wanted to go with her and he said yes. So what she ended up with was having him go with her and she said it was no problem he said he didn't want to go with me and I was going out the door anyway. On the way out the door she was talking about something I assume she was talking to him however if she was talking to me I'm sure I'll catch attitude when I get home. She has created this distance and I am doing nothing but 180s and gal. Should she need to be upset I'm sure she's just as upset with herself as she has created the situation. Again I would appreciate any input on this thread or any comments it would be nice to see a vet again however thanks to everyone who comments.

Funny, after all that a few weeks ago....she sees me sorting my clothes and asks if I have room for a few things for S3.5. I said yes, with a smile and went on with my weeknight cleaning and settling in. I came back to his clothes and hers. Ended up splitting the load in two. She is allowing my touch, but does not return it. I am very cautious to not over-do, nor ask her anything. I smile, smell nice, and do whatever is needed. If she asks I handle it. If she does not ask, I act blind. Needless to say, there has been a lot of hearing her call my name lately. Soon, it will be a quiet home and I will not be here to help hold it all together.

[igit]

NewB3, just from a guy probably not to far behind you. For your own sanity go really dark. I know the want to be freinds and we won't have a "bad" divorce. But truthfully until you go dark and treat this like what it is I don't think you will have anything but heartache. I am not saying there couldnt be a new and better R for you in future with w. But you need to detach to the point you can go on and be happy without her. I have 3 kids so I get it you will have to deal with her on kid level. But she asked for it! Not you! GAL and be happy when around her but be quiet and aloof, don't share to much about your personal life. She doesn't need to know or more frankly deserve to know.

[NewB3]

I'm doing a good job with the 180s. I'm being the guy only a fool would leave. This weekend she mentioned when she woke Saturday that she was going to run a few errands but only after she went out front and trimmed the bushes as they were getting kind of pie I asked her if she knew how to do that and she said no but Matt borrow some of your tools I said sure. I waited a few minutes and let her tell me about the rest of the things she was going to do and then I mentioned that I had actually planned to get up Sunday morning and trim the bushes and do a couple of other things in the yard however she was more than welcome to go do that. I have been living in our home and she is not bothered my bank account for any of the bills. I want to be a guy that does things for her and loves her until he leaves
Last night S3 .5 was going to tell her good night as she came out of the bedroom. She turned and walked towards me and he gave her a hug. She didn't stood next to me looking at him and he walked up and grabbed both of our legs and kissed us. I put my arm around her and gave her a squeeze and told her thank you for being a great mother and a great person she leaned her head onto my shoulder. I Kister on the top of the head and said what a wonderful child we have. This morning I woke up and went outside to start trimming the bushes. I noticed the flower bed I had planted to add some color to the front stoop was pretty much spent. I told my S 10 to go see if she wanted to replace those flowers.she said yes she wanted to replace those so I ask her to go to the store pick out flowers and get the supplies.she took both kids and must've called me four times while she was gone. You see she's very intelligent very smart person however knows not anything about any work or basic house care and upkeep. We told S 10 on Friday night about our divorce and told S3 .5 early this morning. They both took it well. Instead of going through a whole speech we gave a simple talk and told them they can ask questions anytime to either one of us they can write it down and ask where they can write it down and wait or they can write it down and handed to us. On my way to take S 10 back to his mother I gave my WAW a good hug and told her thanks for making this easy on the children. She had been reading test 3.5 in our bed and I went in after they were done and we all played on the bed. There were moments of handholding from me and I was not pushed away when trying to get hugs and kisses to either one tickling playing a lot of touching just happy love.
Unfortunately this will come to an end soon and I will go dark other than contact in regards to children. Do I stay in the newcomers form for this or is there a recommended place to go if you're going dark. Mike got says write her a letter and leave it when I move out expressing my feelings and my love for her. My DB and knowledge from here tells me save it until she wants to talk about the R.

[NewB3]

When we told S3 .5 this morning he seemed happy about it was excited that he'll have two rooms and his toys at two places and asked if he would have a suitcase. My heart melted at that point and I began to tear up my capital W a W looked at me as I look down at the table.Needless to say I'm very angry with her while maintaining a smile see what effect it's having on S3 .5 as he lashes out a lot. I love her with all my heart but at the same time I'm so angry with her I can't see straight. I keep my anger in check of course take lots of deep breaths, And stay focused on being a good guy. I feel completely detached most of the time and I'm so ready to move yet on the other hand will miss sharing a bed with her and seeing your beautiful face every day as I do still love her very much I just can't show her that this is got to be one of the harder things much like it was when I started the DB process. I give physical touch is most of the time on the weekend if she needs it I'll give her some complements. Today she was fixing her hair before leaving to go to the gym as she was going to shower when she returned I walked in and she was frustrated and complaining I said I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I want you to know your internal filter of the way you look and what people Think about the way you look are probably totally different. You're very attractive woman you have a great smile and your very kind hearted and anybody who doesn't see that is blind. She said thank you so much for saying that and text me on the arm as she walked by she said I know I know how I am but it's nice to hear that.

[NewB3]

feeling lost tonight. hard to love someone and not show them for fear of losing them. Loving that WAW wants to help me with anything I need, but waits for me to ask, as she wants to not be pushy or bother. On the other hand, I don't want to ask her for anything, but feel it brings us closer.
Anytime I ask her for help on something, she jumps at the chance, and after I get her help, I thank her and then tell her I appreciate her taking the time....she mostly replies, "anytime, all you have to do is ask."

Is this guilt or her trying to reach out of her fog?

[NewB3]

I was off today and met the inspector at my new home. WAW is out of town on business. I'm taking care of S3 .5 on my own until tomorrow. I took care of the yard today make sure the sprinklers were tuned up and made sure that all the weeds were sprayed for her to list this home. Again keeping up the 180s and doing things without being asked and making sure that she's going to feel like a fool when I'm gone.I had called her earlier because I absolutely had to something about the home. I left her a quick voicemail and new that tonight she was busy on her trip with functions with the customers. She called me back a moment ago and said her event was over and she will be heading to the hotel soon as she ate. She said did not she did not listen to my voicemail but saw that she had missed my call and called immediately. I asked the question I had, she answered and then said I'll call you back later... how is S3 .5 ?I said he was fine. She said well I want to talk to you when I call later. I want to hear all about how the inspection went.
Knowing she's probably had a glass of wine or two and she could be possibly missing me? Who knows that's mind reading I don't have time to play guessing games at this point. I'm a little confused by her eagerness to hear about my new home. I know she's interested in me because I don't tell her much. But if she calls me specifically to discuss something like that how much do I tell her do I treat her like my best friend and chat her up?