Advice with WAW

[Dpthght]

Well quick update. I was out of town this weekend, decided to take a nice trip with some friends to enjoy the weekend.

W has made up her list of the stuff she wants, she has 2 items in there I want so overall not too bad I guess. I also sent her a revised buyout schedule for the house last Friday to which I have not heard anything from. She came by last night to grab a few things and her dogs, she didn't bring up anything regarding the buyout.

W spent the first night in her new place last night with the dogs we agreed for her to take. Man that was weird, all of her dogs are the ones that lay on the bed with me, just sucked. She is going to start packing up all the stuff I don't have a problem with and moving it out. Not really sure how to handle being there/not being there. Tonight is football so I will be gone and I have stuff planned Wed and Thurs. Should I just stay there while she is doing all that tomorrow? Should I remove myself? Just don't know what most people do in the instance.

Thanks in advance.

[bdub]

Regarding the sellers cost... I assume you mean the realtors fees. When I calculated my buyouts on several properties I included the realtors fees (7%?) on everything accept the property I was keeping. If you have to sell, it is an actual fee. I apologize I did not read far enough back to see if you are keeping it, but if she wants the sale, its going to cost money to sell it. In my sitch, I included conveyance fees, pro rated taxes, filing fees and capital gains.

I consider myself fortunate, I get to keep the dog. I bought the dog for W, and he really is attached to W but shes not going to take him. I have been doing everything I can with the dog to get him to be "my" dog, and its helping!

Keep me posted on how the move out goes. I am about to go through it myself and I am torn. I want to be there to watch what goes, but I dont want to be there to see it walk out. Very tough situation. I wish you the best!

[Dpthght]

Thanks bdub, thankfully we had 6 dogs so she gets 3 and I get 3. At least there is someone home and always happy to see me when I get there.

Regarding the house, yes I am keeping it but I am buying her interest out and want to include the seller costs based upon the appraisal. She will probably fight it but who knows

[bdub]

Thats a tough one because you really dont need a realtor for you and her to sell it to you. What does it hurt to try? Worst she can do is say no.

When W moved downstairs I literally had to shut my bedroom door to keep the dog in. He always slept in our room but he loves his momma. Thankfully she doesnt want him on her fancy new bedspread so I get no grief from her. It took the dog about a week to adjust. After the first night or 2 he took over her spot on the bed and after a week or 2 he stays there all night. In fact last night, he came to me just before bedtime and I didnt have to call him to the room or anything.

Now I just hope he doesnt get hit on the road one of these days.

[Dpthght]

Wow, I just printed all the D paperwork off of the county website to read and mock fill out. It's amazing after 13 years together all it comes down to is 10 minutes of writing and $289. Everything we have invested, strived for, built, shared...all of it removed for $289.

And then there is this little gem which perked me right up

IT IS HEREBY ORDERED that the bonds of matrimony now existing between the parties are hereby wholly dissolved, and an absolute Decree of Divorce is hereby granted to the parties, and each of the parties are hereby restarted to the status of a single, unmarried person.

Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy...

[Dpthght]

Update

W is now backing away from the buyout of the house. So it looks like I am going to have to sell, I had a Realtor come over and dropped off all the paperwork to get the house listed. W is starting to become more hostile in her conversations, they are mainly emails right now and she has never been good at writing so who knows.

I am thinking once the house sells (or the buyout happens), I am going to have the D paperwork all filled out and ready to go. We need to get everything notarized no matter what happens so I am thinking to just get everything done at that time.

She was supposed to come over last night to get more of her stuff and talk, she told me she had dinner plans and wouldn't stay long. Then she texted and told me she wasn't coming over because she didn't have enough time before dinner. I really didn't like that she is telling me she has dinner, but I simply responded "no worries, have a nice time." It hurts having to validate that knowing she is probably with OM but what can I do?

I have also wanted to suggest she get back into painting, she has made a few over the years and they are very beautiful. I know I probably shouldn't say that to her, but she is really quite good at it. Thoughts?

[bdub]

Can she legally force you to sell?

[Dpthght]

No she can't, but then it wouldn't be uncontested and the judge would have to make that decision...really trying to avoid having to get lawyers and such.

[LisaB]

Hey Dpthght,
Just read through your story and it is uncanny how many things about what your wife is doing remind me of my H. Even the same age. Career changes, identity crisis, OP at work... Even the things she is saying like that you are a great guy but she is moving forward. Also that you feel she is conflicted but too stubborn to change her decision. So many similarities.

Hang in there, you might find your story has a few more twists and turns...

Things may not have worked out with the first OM at work, and now she is looking for other guys. That is what happened with my H. But when she finds out that the grass is not greener with those other guys either she may finally wake up from the fog and realize what she has done.

If you can keep up your positive attitude and changes you never know what might happen.

Good luck with all the house stuff!
Hugs, Lisa

[Dpthght]

Thanks Lisa, it's nice to know so many are going through this. I am not going to give up on her and like you said, who knows.

Last night was good, met with my C and she says I am doing very well considering. W moved more of her stuff out last night, the hardest thing to see is the closet being so empty. I was having a fairly good morning until the W mentioned she had an appt at 4:00 so she wouldn't be over till later to pick up more stuff. I am pretty sure it's for her birth control which just made me feel sick thinking about it. I honestly wish she wouldn't say anything other than I'm busy.

IC did say the W has been trying to bait me into fights (or at least confrontations) based upon texts and emails, I told her I wouldn't give my W the satisfaction

So now I am missing my W again, completely lost again, thankfully I have a lot of GAL for tonight and tomorrow.